Bullying is alive and well in the British workplace. Read about one woman’s experience and find out what you can do if you’re experiencing it at work.

‘The effects of bullying lead to a sense of helplessness, inadequacy, confusion, anxiety, tiredness, disorganisation at work, lowered self-esteem and depression.’ Dr. Maurice Lipsedge, Honorary Consultant Psychiatrist, Guy’s Hospital.

What bullies do

‘I’d been with the company twelve years when my new director arrived. From day one she just didn’t like me. It started with her trying to win over people’s regard by embarrassing me at meetings.’

Bullying is a deliberate attempt by a boss, colleague, or ambitious junior to control and undermine you. It is not a one-off incident; bullying occurs continually over a period of many months. Your self-confidence becomes eroded. That can happen pretty fast.

‘In front of my colleagues she’d say: “I have a problem with you, I can’t rely on you.” Privately, she’d hurl offensive verbal abuse at me.’

The bully is likely to verbally mistreat you with accusations, admonitions and threats. You may be quietly mocked in front of colleagues, and subjected to explosive outbursts behind closed doors. You feel frightened, angry, ashamed and embarrassed.

‘I began to hear of meetings that I wasn’t asked to attend. Emails relating to my work were circulated to everyone but me. Lame excuses were given and I didn’t know what to believe or who to trust.’

The bully may exclude you from the information loop and threaten your professional standing. You become isolated and suspicious.

‘She began to pile irrelevant work on my desk; the deadlines were impossible to meet.’

The bully may attempt to wear you down with overwork and absurd expectations. You become overwrought, jittery, and overtired. You toss and turn all night, suffer from nightmares, and have trouble dragging yourself out of bed in the morning. Your stomach is in knots, you have frequent headaches, and lose your appetite.

‘I did everything to please her, but nothing was good enough. She criticised my manner, appearance and management of others – in fact, everything I did. Worst of all, she presented my ideas as her own.’

The bully may accuse you of not trying hard enough, of producing poor-quality work, and of not pulling your weight. Your very presence may be under attack. You up your performance only to find the bully running with your ideas. You become paralysed with fear and question everything you do and say. The very thought of work fills you with dread.

‘She went around asking for evidence of my misdoings and making it clear that there would be rewards for spying on me. Everyone was anxious about their position and people started avoiding me. I became a bundle of nerves, couldn’t sleep and found myself uncontrollably bursting into tears; I felt miserable and was severely depressed. It became a downward spiral and I couldn’t see a way out.’

The bully may use his or her position of power to personally destroy you. You feel helpless and hopeless and every aspect of your life is negatively impacted upon. You are convinced it’s all your fault; that there must be something wrong with you.

Why Me?

‘I sought the help of the HR director but he told me it was my issue: “You’re single, lonely, you can’t fit in, you don’t have many friends.” I was devastated.’

Bullying always feels personal because it always is personal. For the bully at work, you are not really a person with feelings but an object to be manipulated and manoeuvred against. The motivations may lie in the character and personal history of the bully or they may derive from a hidden organisational agenda. Whatever the reasons, bullying tactics are always an act of cowardice. But, as Dr Paul Brown, Director of Adaptive Research at Penna Holdings plc, says, ‘The trouble is, it takes two to be bullied. The person who is being bullied begins to feel like the coward. It’s a complete invasion.’

What can you do?

1. Trust your instincts. If it feels like bullying, it most likely is.

2. Knowledge is power. Gather information. Has the bully done this before? Is fear running rampant around this bully? Is this colleague willing to stamp on anyone in their quest for fame and fortune. Is there a hidden organisational agenda?

3. Consult the grapevine. Is this a new manager appointed to be the bearer of bad tidings and an agent of change? Has there been a restructuring due to a merger or acquisition? Is there takeover talk in the air? Is there any hint of downsizing and/or outsourcing? Keep your eyes focused on whispering corners. Keep you ears tuned in to potentially informative small talk.

4. Keep a diary. What is called ‘a contemporaneous record’ is very much more powerful than half-remembered events later on if it comes to a real dispute with the organisation.

5. Find your voice. Write a memorandum to the bully setting out the criticisms concisely, coldly, and clearly. Request an immediate and detailed response to support the allegations. Send a copy to the Human Resources department and to relevant directors.

6. Stand up and be counted. Request that HR spell out organisational policy regarding bullying. Request that training seminars be instituted to counteract the effects of bullying. Petition colleagues for support.

When the going gets tough?

‘I wrote letters to management and personnel and the responses were dire. I finally went to a psychologist who helped me tackle the situation from a business point of view. You need someone to tell you you’re not wrong.’

1. Get friendly help. Call on sympathetic friends who will listen and support you. Don’t try to cope on your own.

2. Get professional help. Counsellors, psychotherapists, and psychologists can offer sound professional help and guidance. Ask your GP for a referral. You can get telephone numbers from the British Psychological Society, the UKCP (United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy), and the BAC (British Association of Counsellors).

3. Knowing when to leave. With all the will in the world, some bullies are not worth the battle. Ask yourself why you’d want to stay in an organisation that runs on fear. If your bully is acting on an organisational agenda it’s not a battle you can win in any event. As Jan discovered…

‘I’d worked in this business for 25 years and it takes a long time to realise you’ve got to go. The lawyer I finally saw said, “You’re not fighting for your job – that’s gone – but for money. It’s only about money.” Once I understood that, the rest was just about letting go and getting on with my life. Two years later I’m still bruised but happier than I’ve ever been.’