The chemistry between two people is fascinating. I'm sure you've been surprised at times when looking at a couple and thinking, 'How on earth did they get together? They look so ill-suited!' This is because personal chemistry is determined by many factors and is primarily guided by non-verbal communication, or body-language signals.

Non-verbal communication accounts for about 93 per cent of all communication, and is terribly important in the communication between two potential partners.

Signs of interest

• He gives you the 'triple take' - glances once, glances twice, and then either holds your eye contact or smiles
• He pulls his posture up fairly confidently
• He might loop his fingers into his pockets or belt loop in a subconscious gesture to guide your eye line down toward his 'masculinity'
• He uses the male 'saunter' - that masculine walk (slight swagger) if he's walking towards you
• Once chatting, he closes your personal spaces by 'bridging' between you (e.g. touching your forearm as he speaks)
• He uses the 'slide' where he moves his fingers up and down his glass
• He uses the 'screen' when he moves in slightly nearer and screens you off from other potential male competitors with his upper body. At this point he stops flicking his eyes around the room in a sub-conscious search for other attractive women

Signs that he's not interested

• When engaged in conversation he continually looks around, especially every time the door opens as someone new enters the bar. This means he's only partly interested in you and is keeping his options open
• He asks you a question and when you start to answer, his gaze drifts off, or he interrupts your answer with something else
• When seated, his feet and legs point away from you, even if his upper body is twisted towards you - a subconscious signal that he's looking for a way out of the situation
• He appears easily distracted during a conversation. Trust your intuition, he's not really in to the conversation!
• He half-heartedly asks for your phone number with no enthusiasm or real interest. Again, rely on your intuition - it's there for good reason.

What he says and what he means Once you're getting to know a man a little better you can start gauging his interest and intentions by what he says and work out what he really means. Sometimes with good intentions (and sometimes with not-so-good intentions) men will say something when they mean something else. They think it's easier on both of you to put things a certain way, or they want to spare your feelings or their own embarrassment.

For example:

• He says he'll 'call you soon'. Actually he means he's not particularly interested or he'd specify a window of time, like he'll 'call you in the next day or two' or even 'tomorrow'
• He explains that he's not been in touch because he's been 'very busy'. This means that, at this point, you don't factor very high on his list of important things. We're all busy nowadays but if you're really interested you'll text or e-mail someone
• He says he can't meet up with you because he's got 'so much on'. Again, if someone's keen they'll make room in their diary even to share a glass of wine or cup of coffee

On the positive side: If he texts you within two or three days of meeting you and makes a date, this is a positive sign. Even when a man gives clear signals of interest, too many women doubt every little action or every little word in a text. Keep reminding yourself that, to a man, sending a straightforward text, making a straightforward date, and getting on with it is the goal. He is not agonising over how many kisses to put on the end of his text message!

Actions speak louder than words The most important rule when it comes to what he says and what he means is this: does what he says match his behaviour? For example, does he ring you when he says he will? Is he on time when he sets a certain time? Does he show up with his friends when he tells you he's coming on his own?

Women are very good at picking up the discrepancy between what he says and what he does but don't listen to their intuition when it picks up these signals. Where do you think the saying 'actions speak louder than words' comes from? It comes from the wisdom that what someone does really is the most important thing.

Now learn about the different personality traits of all men, or read about how and why men think differently to women

 Week 2 Love Fitness Challenges

Get to grips with this week's love challenges and you'll take positive steps towards being able to understand and relate to men.

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