The vast majority of teenagers are not, nor ever will be, addicted to drugs. Nevertheless, your child will not get through their teenage years without being offered drugs and they already know somebody who is taking them

Extracted from Teenagers! What Every Parent Has to Know by Rob Parsons

The harsh reality is that the UK has some of the highest rates of alcohol, tobacco and illegal drug use amongst 15 and 16-year-olds in the whole of Europe.

But if drugs are bad, why take them?

• To rebel or shock people
• To feel they belong to a group of friends
• They enjoy taking risks
• It's fun
• It's the in-thing to do
• They are easy to get hold of
• It's part of a night out - maybe a rave
• It feels and looks grown-up
• It's an escape from the pressures of life
• They are bored

And as well as these reasons, we need to understand that there is a much more fundamental reason: teenagers - or anybody for that matter - take drugs because they work. In the short term they give you a buzz. Drugs work for the person who is looking for a good time at a night club, they work for the girl who is constantly bullied and wants the pain to go away, and they work for the person who needs relief from the constant pressure of their employment.

In a society where drug use is so easy, how can we give our children a fighting chance of staying drug free? The stakes are high. One study showed that the rates of alcohol dependency were four times higher among those who started drinking at the age of 14 than those who started aged 20 - every year is precious.

However, a survey by the charity Action on Addiction found that one in four children say their parents are ill-informed in this area and their best source of information is the media. The survey also found that 40 per cent of parents leave the job of educating their children about drugs to schools and the police.

Know about drugs

The biggest problem with education is not the actual getting of information - which these days is easier than ever. For many parents it's overcoming the psychological barrier to believing that this is an area we want to enter.

Perhaps we feel that even by talking about it, we acknowledge the awful possibility that our teenager could be taking drugs. But if we are to help our teenagers, we need to learn what drugs do - both legal (like tobacco and alcohol) and illegal (like cannabis, cocaine and heroin) - how they make people feel and what the short and long term effects are.

We need to find out what drugs education our teenagers are getting at school and perhaps even talk with the police to discover what the special dangers are in the area in which we live.

For some parents this education process may seem overwhelming, but there is plenty of information available in libraries, health centres, schools and on the web.

And a word of warning - don't get too hung up about trying to learn the slang, or 'street names' as they change constantly. If we get them wrong our credibility factor will drop considerably!

Be ready to spot the symptoms:

• Lack of energy - feeling tired all the time
• Eating problems
• Unexplained or sudden change to a new group of friends
• Changes in physical appearance eg reddened eyes
• Dropping out of previously enjoyed activities eg sport
• Mood swings
• Valuable items or money missing from the home
• A drop in school performance or truancy
• Silence, sulking or anger towards others

With the exception of money going missing, all the symptoms associated with possible drug use could be put down to just being a normal teenager who is experiencing some emotional pressure - perhaps over friends or schoolwork.

Talk about drugs before it's an issue

If we are wise, we'll spend a fair amount of communication in listening, but teenagers want to hear their parents' thoughts on the subject.

It can be very empowering for teenagers to know more about drugs than their friends and may well allow them to be a little more secure in saying no. Our conversations could start by picking up on what our teenagers are learning at school or a storyline in one of the TV soaps.

When we talk with our children we need to share our own views and why we hold them. Whatever our opinions, we need to let our children know what our personal boundaries are. The really scary thing in this area is not that children are not paying attention to us, but that they are. The simple truth is that their behaviour will be influenced by ours.

If we use drugs, our children are more likely to. This is not only true of illegal drugs, but legal ones as well. If we smoke, they are more likely to. They will watch how we use alcohol and if the first thing they see us do when we get home from a stressful day at work is to pour a glass of wine, they will remember this.

Make their friends welcome in your home

There may come a time when you believe that it is dangerous for your teenager to mix with certain friends, and you may be wise to do all you can do discourage them from seeing those friends. But generally, make your teenager's friends welcome even if they wouldn't be your ideal choice. If you ban them from seeing them, they will probably do so anyway.

Build your teenager's sense of personal value

Encourage them to believe that they can make their own decisions and don't have to go along with the crowd. From the youngest age possible let them know that you are interested in them. Know who their friends are, their teachers' names, and their ambitions and fears.

If a parent has shown consistent interest in a child, then concern about drugs in the teenage years is not so easily seen as 'prying'. And unless it's absolutely necessary, don't go searching for drugs in their bedroom - if your teenager finds out, the sense of betrayal can be devastating.

Look out for 'vulnerable moments'

We need to be aware of times in our teenagers' lives when they may be more vulnerable to unhealthy behaviour. It could be a time of bereavement, family breakdown, exams, bullying or breaking up with their first boyfriend or girlfriend. It can be easy for a young person to turn to drugs to alter how they feel about a situation rather than deal with it. If we are aware of what life is throwing at them, we can be prepared to offer support, and perhaps cut them a little more slack than normal in less important areas.

Allow other adults that you trust to be a support to your child

It can be hurtful when our teenager wants to talk to another adult rather than ourselves, but so long as we can trust that person we should encourage it. Let's face it, there are things you'd rather not share with your parents, and we should be grateful for the fact that they are happy to talk to another person in whom we have confidence.

What happens if we discover our teenager is taking drugs?

We'll need to talk with our teenager, but it's vital to pick our moment. Don't even begin to try and talk about it if they are currently under the influence. It's impossible to hold a sensible conversation with anyone drunk or high. These are big issues and it may be we are going to have just one chance to get this conversation right. We need to take some time to think about what we will say. Our priority at this time is making sure of our child's safety and health.

Choose a time when you know you won't have any interruptions - perhaps even when you're driving them somewhere they want to go. Don't accuse them, because if you are wrong, you may well damage your long-term relationship. Let them know your concerns - perhaps you've found something in the house or are worried about changes in their behaviour.

Perhaps say something like, 'You don't seem to have been your normal self lately. Have you been feeling OK?' Give them an opportunity to respond, but you may find they don't want to talk about it at all or are obviously lying. Don't give in to the temptation to get angry.

Try not to be judgemental or to ridicule, saying things like, 'how could you be so stupid?' The aim of this conversation is to find out what is really going on in our teenager's life and help them make any changes they need to. It's important they know that our main concern is their wellbeing.

Having said that, a softly, softly approach may not always be possible. Some situations call for us to consider not just the welfare of our teenager but the health and safety of the rest of the family - maybe younger siblings especially. It may be that we have to set down some rules - particularly in regard to what goes on in the home - and consequences if they are broken.

Some of us are going to need support ourselves to help us get through this situation. If our child is travelling down the path towards drug dependency, an experienced counsellor can not only help to deal with it and bring a sense of perspective.

Finally, realise that even if you do find a joint of cannabis in their bedroom, then although it is a real cause for concern, it doesn't mean they are addicts or that they will necessarily become addicts. As we have seen in other areas, for most teenagers these experiences - dangerous though they are - are experiments, not lifestyle choices.

Extracted from Teenagers! What Every Parent Has to Know by Rob Parsons. Published by Hodder & Stoughton, £7.99.