Don't bottle it all up, take Alison Porter's 'Coach Fabulous' guide to a relaxed and stress-free life.

Deep in our hearts we know it shouldn't be this hard - mobiles that don't stop ringing, overflowing inboxes, stressed-out colleagues, fractious families and fraught friends. If you want a laid-back and luscious life, you'll need to learn to shake off stress and find joy even on a bad hair day.

When you treat yourself kindly, you'll take the ups and downs of life in your stride, with strategies up your sleeve to help you cope when the going gets tough. Punishing schedules might seem like a fact of life, but you do have a choice about where to draw the line and take time out.

Stress-proof your life
Don't rely on summer holidays to de-stress you. Chances are you'll be so exhausted when you get there, you'll just collapse in a heap. Make plans to get out of town at least once a month. It doesn't have to be expensive - even a day trip is enough of a change of scenery to blow away a few cobwebs. Doing new things gets your thoughts out of their habitual patterns, helping you to feel positive and refreshed.

Start as you mean to go on. Find a few minutes in the morning to plan some relaxation into your day, building in time to meet friends or give yourself a treat. Morning's the best time for a blast of inner stillness too. Meditation sets you up with a sense of peace that stays with you throughout the day. Novices can download free 15-minute guided Meditations To Go at www.hayhouseradio.com. Upload them to your iPod and be blissed out without even getting out of bed.

It's not personal!
Relationships are our greatest joy and can also cause the most stress - friendships that go awry, power struggles at work or family feuds. When tensions arise, don't take it personally. Your partner could be feeling insecure or your grumpy boss might simply be under a lot of pressure. Don't fret about something that might not even be about you at all. If you think it could be, just ask! A lot of what we worry about isn't even real.

That also goes for the random tension that's in the air these days. If a stranger is off-hand or rude to you, learn to let it pass. Don't let their bad day infect yours - especially if you barely know them. If you can't shake off someone else's toxic energy, try sitting quietly, breathing slowly and imagining a shower of white light washing over you, gently washing away the nasty vibes and restoring your inner peace.

Get out of your head
Exercise is one of the best ways to reduce stress and restore a sense of well-being. If you're obsessing about a problem - or a man! - it's time to get your body moving. You don't have to feel the burn, just get up a gentle pace by walking in the fresh air or taking a class that stretches your body like Pilates or Yoga. When you exercise, the focus of your attention moves to your body and calms your mind. Throw in a sauna or a massage afterwards and you'll be feeling carefree in no time.

Be sure to get enough rest too. Learn to unwind completely in the evening, so that you're already relaxed by the time you get to bed. Don't bring work home - you'll do it better and faster with a clear mind the following day. Have a warm bath, read uplifting books or write in a journal - do what works for you to let the cares of the day slip away so you'll have a refreshing night's sleep.

Instant calmers
When it all goes horribly wrong and you're having the day from hell, don't despair. These tips will brighten up even the bleakest of days:

• Don't panic - few things are ever as bad as they seem. If you're in a tailspin of worry, phone a friend. Sometimes just hearing a friendly voice makes it all feel better.
• Walk it off - even once around the block can be enough to clear your head and give you the energy and inspiration to find a solution.
• Talk a good game - keep your inner dialogue positive by using mantras. If you're feeling pressured or downhearted, say to yourself 'I have all the time I need'or 'I trust that all will be well'.
• Breathe deeply - slowing your breath calms your mind. Try three deep breaths wherever you are or sneak off to a quiet corner - even the Ladies loo will do - to focus on your breathing, letting your mind relax.
• Chill out online - www.orindaben.com has 5-minute guided visualisations on relaxation, joy, self-love and feeling energetic.

You always have a choice about how you feel. It might not seem like it at times, but if you really want to, you can shift your mood and turn a bad hair day into a fabulous one by simply making the choice to take care of yourself.

Alison Porter's weekly I Am Fabulous chronicles are online at www.iamfabulous.co.uk

As a life coach, her 'Coach Fabulous' specialty is helping people find their passion and create a fabulous life. For personal coaching, email coachfabulous@iamfabulous.co.uk or to subscribe to updates on the chronicles, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk.