...and can't (or won't) pay it back

You've helped out a friend and lent her money and now she's reluctant to pay up. iVillagers advise on how to deal with freeloading friends

• Don't be taken for granted
• Be 'cruel to be kind'
• Friendship is a two way street
• Investigate your options
• Why should you cough up?
• The last resort

Don't be taken for granted
I've got a freeloading friend who gave up her job in the final year of university and has since done nothing but moan about how little money she has. I find this particularly difficult because I kept working and now feel that she expects me to pay over-the-odds for things we do or places we go. It's pretty annoying. I just wanted to say that it's OK to be irked when people take you for granted. The reason that we budget well is to allow us to treat our friends, but when we choose to, not when we are bullied or guilt-tripped into it.
pickley

Be 'cruel to be kind'
Friendship and money can be a nasty mix but the first thing you need to do for a friend who continually asks for loans is to stop giving her money. If a friend has to borrow from other friends simply to repay other loans, she is borrowing beyond her means and needs to start rebuilding her life. You have to be firm on this one. At the moment, with money help from friends, she is able to block out the reality of her money problems. When the supply from friends dries up, she might realise how serious her debt problem is.

It's a case of being 'cruel to be kind'. If she takes it badly you might not hear from her for a while but hopefully she will start getting on top of things and realise that you're doing her a favour.
cl-glossygirl02

Friendship is a two way street
When my so-called friend rang and asked to borrow (another) tenner, I finally flipped and asked her when she was going to pay back all the other tenners I'd 'lent' her. She owed me at least £200, if not more. I told her I didn't think she should continue asking to borrow money when she knew she wouldn't pay it back. Now she isn't talking to me but do you know what, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I no longer feel obliged to bail her out because even if she does call me, she now knows I won't lend her any more money.

I've decided to not be so 'pally' with her anymore. May seem harsh but friendship is a two way street.
dalewinton

Investigate your options
If the sum of money is really mounting and it looks like your friend isn't going to pay you back (or make any effort to) then it might be time to get some advice from the CAB or even take it to the small claims court. Not ideal and it will mean the end of the friendship but if she won't do you the courtesy of paying you back or even discussing it with you then the friendship is as good as over anyway.
amanda01

Why should you cough up?
Once you've done the hard bit of confronting a freeloading friend, you feel much better for saying all the things that have been annoying you for so long. Just because you have money doesn't mean that you have to give him/her loads of it. It's bizarre that a skint friend should think that's a reasonable thing to ask of you.
cl-glossygirl02

The last resort
My ex owed me money for a car loan that I had taken out for him. When we split, he wouldn't give up the car and then started to ignore my calls. After a while I got so fed up I decided to shame him by letting his workmates know what he was like. As soon as his work heard about the situation, he was so embarrassed he paid me back straight away.
amanda01

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