Oh dear. I'd only been there five minutes and it had the makings of a great British comic farce. Think Joe Orton's What The Butler Saw or Jeeves and Wooster with the all-knowing Stephen Fry standing in the background.
Arriving for what had to be the ultimate girlie treat, a stay in the super swish Seychelles, the bottle of chilled champagne waiting on the villa table was a temptation too far. Especially after a 10-hour overnight flight and being trussed up in winter woollies that looked a tad overdressed compared to the floaty sarong and bikini clad babes I'd spotted by the pool on check-in at Praslin's Lemuria Resort.
I gave the cork another twist (first rule of fizz - always turn the bottle not the cork) and it flew out with a theatrical bang, narrowly missing the head of the butler, Jerry, as he walked through the door. The mark of a true professional, his smile never wavered as he discreetly ducked. The mark of a butler virgin, I dashed to my room clutching my bag as I declined his offer to unpack, suspecting he was more used to frothy La Perla numbers than greying high street knicks.
On the way to the villa we'd already been wondering what to call him, what to ask him and generally how to deal with having a butler. We soon discovered it was first name terms all round and a clue to was to be found in his correct and more contemporary title of villa master - relax and let him take charge.
Living the life!
It's embarrassing to admit, but it was surprising how quickly we became used to having Jerry discreetly on hand. He catered to our every whim, from running us around in a golf buggy, whipping up afternoon tea, organising drinks and nibbles and generally thinking of everything before we thought of it ourselves.
Despite any earlier misconceptions, it became as crystal clear as the sea lapping the beachfront of our villa that in the eyes of villa masters like Jerry, all guests are equal. Even if it's a once in a lifetime trip that you've scrimped and saved for, you'll still end up being treated like a celebrity VIP.
We could have stayed put in the villa all week, and doubtless some people do in a resort that's picture perfect for weddings and honeymoons. But it was good to discover Lemuria is not just for loved-up couples, and groups of friends and families will find plenty to do beyond the sunbeds.
Exploring the resort
The resort has a championship golf course, unique to the Seychelles, great beaches for snorkelling and diving, and an inviting kids' club, complete with cute miniature sunloungers.
Restaurants range from the gourmet Seahorse to the informal Beach Bar & Grill, my personal favourite, where stunning views over the surrounding coves equals the amazing seafood. Dinner, picnics and even breakfast can be arranged on the beach, all served up with Lemuria's exquisite levels of service and attention to detail.
One night we had everyone over to 'our place', and Jerry and his counterparts set up lights around the pool, rigged up a sound system and a chef arrived to cook a seafood barbecue served in the al-fresco dining area.
Natural beauty
Praslin, the Seychelles' second-largest island, isn't a place for serial party animals, but what it lacks in nightlife it more than makes up for in natural attractions. One of the organised excursions was a boat trip that moored up at Cousin, a nature reserve and a nesting ground for hawksbill turtles. Another big draw, quite literally, is the amiable giant tortoises, some of them estimated to be over 100-years-old, that lumbered up to have their leathery heads and necks scratched.
No Praslin visitor will escape without encountering the coco de mer, famous for producing the world's largest nut - weighing up to 30kg - and being unmistakably, nudge nudge, male or female.
We marked the final night with a sundowner on the 15th tee, a panoramic high spot for golfers and non-players alike with beautiful views over the bay. Jerry was nowhere to be found and someone else arrived to collect us in the golf buggy.
A muttered conversation about him forgetting our plans was quickly replaced with guilt for even thinking such a thing. As the buggy rounded the final bend, we came upon a tee strewn with flower petals and Jerry on standby ready to distribute canapes and champagne in equal measure. By now we knew well enough to leave the bottle opening in his capable hands.
A few glasses on I began thinking it would be good to swap places with a giant tortoise and know you're going to bask in this paradise for well over a century. Alas, there are some things even Jerry can't organise!
Need to know
Air Seychelles flies direct from Heathrow to the Seychelles twice weekly.
T: 01293 596656.
Elite Vacations offers five nights in a pool villa at the five-star Constance Lemuria Resort from around £2,435 per person, based on four sharing, including return flights with Air Seychelles, inter-island flights, private transfers and complimentary lounge pass. Seven nights B&B in a junior suite starts from £1,798 per person.
T: 01707 371000
Constance Lemuria Resort has 88 junior suites, eight senior suites, eight villas, a presidential suite and the only 18-hole championship golf course in the Seychelles.
For more information on contact the Seychelles Tourism Board
T: 01293 596648
www.seychelles.com