Compiled by Stacia Ragolia

Five common communication problems and how to fix them

We can go through all the cliches: men and women speak different languages; we're from different planets; we should live next door to each other and only occasionally visit. But when you're desperately trying to get through to your partner and you're can't seem to, it's easy to start seeing your whole relationship unravel. Here are five common scenarios, with tips from iVillage members on how to cope with them.

Problem: We never argue. He avoids all confrontation and refuses to deal with problems.

Member solution: 'Not arguing is healthy, but not discussing things may not be. If you need his opinion about something, give him several choices that are acceptable to you: 'What do you think? Do you prefer a, b, or c. It might just not matter to him and that is certainly ok.' - junest

Problem: He won't listen to my pleas for change and ignores me when I try to discuss an issue.

Member solution: 'Write him a letter telling him how you feel. Then he would be a 'captive audience' of your letter.' - stretch123

Problem: When we disagree over something he's done, he throws everything back at me and makes the entire issue my fault - in other words, it's not his behaviour that's a problem, it's that I'm upset about it.

Member solution: 'Who is right is not important. The fact that you are arguing over it is. Tell your husband calmly and without accusing him of anything how his behaviour makes you feel. Tell him why. Then ask him to tell you candidly and honestly why he does what he does. Don't get angry; just listen. Try to see his point of view - don't necessarily agree or disagree, just see where he is coming from.' - mctaylor

Problem: I'm stressed out about everything and I need some support from him, but he seems oblivious. Is a little TLC too much to ask for?

Member solution: 'I found out that listening to me complain was very frustrating for my husband. He felt as if he had to fix all my problems. All I wanted was for him to listen and say that he understood how I was feeling. Once he learned that he didn't have to make everything all better, but just be a sounding board and a friend our relationship has grown a lot.' - pl.wv

Problem: We can't even finish a conversation before we get into an argument. Nothing ever gets resolved in our lives.

Member Solution: 'If you can't even finish a conversation and a decision needs to be made, maybe say, 'Since we can't finish the conversation, I'm going to decide XYZ on my own and do it myself'. And do it. This will cause some trouble at first, but maybe when he sees that you aren't taking any rubbish he'll be interested in being part of the equation.' - stretch123

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