I believe there are many roads to Rome and to multiple orgasms, says Dr Patti Britton

By freeing ourselves of inhibitions, jettisoning old beliefs about our sexual capacities and learning the necessary skills, we can all reach sexual ecstasy again and again, all in the same night.

First, it's important to put your mind at ease and get into the mood for sex. Clear your mind. Stop that inner chatter and focus on what you’re about to receive — your due pleasure. Turn off that telephone and make time for yourself. Whether alone or with a sexual partner, sex is sex. Masturbation or self-pleasuring is a sexual outlet in its own right and one to be enjoyed to the max if Mr or Ms Right is not about. Most of these tips are for couples, but you can follow them alone as well.

Set the mood
Start with sensual time, alone or with him or her. Run a bath and light candles while pouring in your favourite bubble bath and scent. I recommend aromatherapy salts to stimulate your moods and relax body, mind and spirit. Put relaxing and romantic music on the CD player, set aside some soothing body lotion or oils — natural is best — sink into the warmth of the water and relax. If your lover is with you, even better. This is a terrific way to relax together and get into the mood for lovemaking. You might scrub each other’s backs or rub-a-dub-dub in all the right places, to allow those tight muscles to loosen and to get your heads into gear for the delicious road ahead.

Couples report to me that there really is nothing to match a sensual massage for letting go and relaxing together. Take turns to give and receive massage — softly, firmly, gently, slowly — to produce even more relaxation. Remember that great sex usually only occurs with relaxed bodies, so take the time to unwind and prepare yourself.

Focus on foreplay
Many women need to have their breasts or nipples touched to become aroused. Have your lover include this in your prelude to sex, to ignite your energies. Most women report that they need to be kissed before feeling sexual. Perhaps that's because for some women kissing feels more intimate than sexual intercourse and turns on the emotional fountain. In some ancient lovemaking traditions, passionate kissing is carried out only with those you truly love and trust. So get him to breathe into your breathing rhythm with you while you explore each other's mouths. Learn to look into each other’s eyes for that connection while you penetrate and probe the mouth with your tongue and breath. If your man is an 'air kisser,' teach him how to really kiss.

Oral sex is a valid sexual exchange, of course. But for most women it is not foreplay, whatever their male partners may say. Most women require foreplay in a variety of ways — deep kissing, passionate breathing together, eye contact while caressing and being caressed, massage and fondling, licking and sucking of breasts and nipples. But oral sex is another level for most women. When a woman's genitals are stimulated properly she can achieve her first orgasm, which I highly recommend before the penis goes anywhere near her vagina.

Know thy genitals
Renowned sex educator Betty Dodson advises that all women and men should spend time learning about their own anatomy. By sitting naked in front of a mirror and visually exploring your genital region, you will find answers to your questions about how you look and maybe how and why you do or don't work to your sexual capacity. Notice where your clitoris is; how the hood covers it; how your clitoral shaft protrudes; how low the opening to your vagina sits; whether your outer lips are fatty and cover you up or whether you bare all to the wind.

Many women who have trouble getting to their single or multiple orgasms are those with a delicate, perhaps barely noticeable, clitoral hood or covering. If so, some may have shut down their sexual reactions to being touched there, as a way to dampen the continual sensations they originally felt as girls or young women. Just as men must learn to ignore pressure from clothes rubbing against their crotch, girls also learn to turn on or off according to what's necessary. By learning to re-associate that part of the body with pleasure, women can reach their orgasmic potential.

Find your hot spots
There are three possible areas for penetration and stimulation, not counting the mouth: the G-spot, vagina and anus. Probing and rubbing inside the first third of the vagina, using hand, penis or vibrator, can bring a G-spot orgasm that produces the heights of enjoyment. I always advise that you try toys that appeal to you and pick those that work for your particular style and wants. Some women need more direct or indirect clitoral stimulation while he's inside, while others need their partners to lick them to their zenith while having a finger or vibrating internal rod probing deeply. Some women's excitement grows with a finger or vibrator in their anus.

Only you and your partner will know what does the trick. Each couple have their own manner of sexual expression, sharing loving feelings and lustful ones, and intermingling bodies. Find your own sexual style and then add to it, like candles on the cake.

The path to multiple orgasms in women includes all the preparatory phases to getting in the mood, following your natural sexual response patterns and then pushing through to the next level. Clear your mind, open your emotions, learn how to play the body like a musical instrument and trust yourself and your lover to transcend the first pop and then keep going. I find that women often need to be given permission to have their first little O and then keep soaring before they break open the envelope. To find the multiple-orgasm level in you, let go, push past where you have left off before and bring your lover along to enjoy the ride.

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