I’m not ready to have the baby yet.Having these private panics doesn't mean you shouldn't be having this baby. They're just ripples on the surface, which mean your mind is adjusting to your new situation.
You have a major life change ahead
You need to brace yourself because nearly everything about your present life will change.
You're going to have to do things you don’t want to do (such as getting up several times in the night) and you're not going to be able to do things that you do want to do.
But it's going to be OK
The downside is that you'll have big responsibilities as parents and you'll lose the freedom that you had as a couple but being a family and having a baby has masses of compensations and advantages. So it's good to prepare yourself for this life change.
I didn’t realise I was going to feel so sick and unwell.
It’s quite irritating how some women sail through the first few months without a hint of nausea while others are throwing up most of the time. There is no way of telling which category you’re going to fall into and it's certainly not psychological. (Before you become pregnant yourself you might have secretly thought your friends were making rather a fuss about a perfectly normal condition.)
If you are unlucky enough to be sick, take heart that some view this as a sign of a stable pregnancy.
For the vast majority of women the nausea and vomiting will pass by around fourteen to sixteen weeks. For a few, it continues for longer. Although it is pretty horrible for you, it is unlikely to affect your baby.
If you're working, however, it can be quite a problem getting through the day when you feel like death and have to disappear into the loo every ten minutes, especially if you haven’t yet have told anyone at work that you are pregnant.
Unfortunately, there aren’t any easy solutions. Explain the problem to your other half and see if he can help by doing the supermarket shop and preparing whatever you can face for supper. Ask yourself if you can avoid going to work by public transport – could your man go out of his way to drive you to work?
When you have figured out which food you can actually keep down (for many women it’s water biscuits) carry them round in your handbag with a bottle of water.
Forget about mealtimes, and try and eat small quantities of whatever you can very frequently. Cancel your evening social life for the time being, and when you get back from work, go to bed.
Even if you’re lucky enough to escape the nausea, most women are surprised to find that rather than ‘blooming’ they feel pretty lethargic.
Again, it’s difficult for your husband to realise that this is normal. You're not being a wimp and you might feel as if you're on an emotional rollercoaster.
You may find you:
- Burst into tears for trivial reasons
- Find the people you are closest to quite irritating
- Be unable to make decisions
- Find it difficult to remember things
- Lose your self-confidence and self-assertion
- Become more dependent on your husband
- Sleep badly at night
- Start studying baby-gear catalogues
Ask your husband to be patient - he might not have anticipated all these changes in you.
General suggestions – now is NOT the time to:
- Buy a puppy.
- Start a new job (and not tell them you are pregnant).
- Sign up to study for another degree, as you think this is something you can do with a baby.
You've got enough change to cope with, so don't add to it.
Talk to other mums-to-be at the same stage as you.