Pre-nuptial agreements – harmful or essential? Couples share their experiences

Despite the fact that pre-nuptial agreements are becoming more common in this country, most couples seem to prefer to walk down the aisle before they think about getting divorce.

Gillian Richardson, a 25-year-old student from Newcastle is planning to marry her boyfriend Rob when she graduates in medicine in July. Rob owns a successful dot.com business but hasn’t asked Gillian to sign a pre-nuptial.

‘I know most people have a sceptical view of relationships nowadays but I think when you choose to marry someone you should do so with the belief that it’s going to last forever,’ says Gillian. ‘If you start off by signing a document that prepares you for divorce it’s as good as saying, “I’ll probably fall out of love with you a few years down the line.” It may be necessary if one partner is very rich but I imagine it would cause a strain in the relationship. I think it’s a very American, movie star, thing to do. Our friends would think we were mad if we got a pre-nuptial agreement.’

Jill, 27, from Fife, Scotland, had no idea how much her fiancée, Glen, was worth until he asked her to sign a pre-nuptial agreement a fortnight before their wedding. He wanted her to sign away her rights to the home they were going to live in and his future earnings if they divorced.

‘I couldn’t believe he didn’t trust me. It was like being stabbed in the back. Here was my soon-to-be husband telling me that I had no right to anything if we broke up, even though I had agreed to give up my job and take care of the running of the house. I didn’t care about money so much but the thought of getting turfed out of our home when I wasn’t even working scared me a little.’

‘He told me most of the women he had met were gold diggers and it was better not to involve them in financial matters at all. I didn’t know he was as rich as he was and I certainly didn’t take that into consideration when I fell in love with him.’

Jill felt humiliated by her fiancée’s demands and they split up just days before the wedding. She continued in her job as a computer consultant and now earns a six-figure salary. Her current boyfriend Jack earns considerably less but Jill says she would never ask him to sign a pre-nuptial if they decide to get married.

‘After the hurt I experienced with Glen I couldn’t imagine I’d want to go through the same thing with Jack. We are thinking about buying a house together next year and it will be in both our names even though I’m likely to be in a position to make a bigger contribution to the mortgage. At the end of the day, money is no substitute for love.’ Jack agrees: ‘I don’t think I’d want to be in a relationship that was based around a set of legal and financial conditions.’

However, people with failed marriages behind them are more likely to be cautious in future relationships. ‘I think it’s a case of once bitten twice shy,’ says David Benedict, an American banker who works in London. ‘I didn’t have a pre-nuptial for my first marriage because we were very young and idealistic when we got married. I think my ex-wife was unreasonable in her demands for the divorce settlement and I wouldn’t risk that happening a second time.’

Read the legal perspective on pre-nuptial agreements in part one.