Is your sex life one big anti-climax? Sue Quilliam's sensual tips will help you put it back on the pleasure track.

Everyone knows that sex can go off the boil. Lack of desire is by far the most commonly reported sexual problem nowadays for both men and women.In fact the survey done for my book Women on Sex suggested that 68.5% of women want more sex than they are currently getting. So if you're not getting enough, you're not alone.

But what can you do about it? This guide should help you to improve your floundering sex lives.

5 ways to put sensuality back into sex
Begin by recreating the sensual side of your sex life. The key to fulfilment isn't just in orgasm but in sensuality too.

1. So for at least a week, ban penetration. This will take the emphasis off intercourse and on to the sort of cuddling and learning you did when you were first going out.

2. Set aside an hour every day in a sensuous environment - light candles and play some soft music.

3. Touch and stroke your partner's body - not genitals yet - with fingers and mouth. Get him to tell you what feels especially fantastic. That way he's teaching you what really works for him. Then swap.

4. After two or three sessions of this, move on to the genital areas. Again, tell your partner what works, and again remember to swap.

5. Wait until the end of the week to have intercourse. Then you can use all that you've learned and savour the wonderfully intimate sex that you'll have discovered.

5 ways to make sure you're coming too
Things may have gone off the boil because you aren't climaxing as much as you'd like. These pointers may help you get the result you want.

1. Wait until you're more turned on before he penetrates. Often a man goes in too quickly, before you're ready. Spend more time on foreplay and you're more likely to come.

2. Learn how to stimulate your clitoris if you don't already know. Then slide your hand down to add extra stimulation while you're having intercourse.

3. Go on top with him on his back and you straddling him so you or he can stimulate your clitoris and breasts.

4. Try the CAT (Coital Alignment Technique) position. Start in the missionary position with his legs between yours - then get him to move up your body so that the base of his penis rubs against your clitoris with every movement. Magic!

5. Have you located your G-spot? It's just inside the front wall of your vagina - try finding it with a finger. If he can stimulate it when he enters you - love-making positions from behind are best - it could be the earth will move.

So tonight, in bed...

1. Watch a sexy video, not one of the tacky pornographic variety, just a well made erotic film like Last Tango in Paris or 9 = Weeks.

2. Perform a striptease for your man. Set the scene with music, and put on the sexy underwear complete with suspenders. Undress teasingly and don't show too much skin one go. Most of all, make him wait. Don't let him touch you until you say so.

3. Try oral sex with a fizz. Take a mouthful of champagne and let the bubbles tickle him while you get down to business. Don't be left out though, get him to do the same for you.

4. Have sex in a new position, one you've never tried. For inspiration, check out the Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides, (Vermilion, £14.99.

5. Experiment with ice cubes. Try sliding them over each other's bodies and licking away the melting water, kissing with one, passing from them mouth to mouth ... whatever floats your boat!

5 ways to break your bad habits in bed
Once you've been together a while, you can get stuck in bad habits. So here's what to do...

1. If you rush sex because you don't have much time, break the habit by ... going to bed earlier, putting on a CD and play around without going for penetration until at least four tracks have played.

2. If you're in a rut in bed because you do the same things again and again, break the habit by investing in what the Japanese call a pillow book - like New Joy of Sex(Quartet Books, £5.99) - and choose one new thing to try every week.

3. If you've got selfish because you get more pleasure from receiving than giving, then break the habit by alternating sessions where only one of you calls the shots. First time you say exactly what you want, next time he does.

4. If you feel you're not intimate because sex has become a routine, break the habit by reintroducing communication. Try a whole session keeping eyes open and eye contact, try murmuring words to each other.

5. If you've lost the romance because your life's so busy, break the habit by taking one long day in bed every month, packing the kids off to a relative or friend's house and cracking open the bottle of champagne.

1. If he regularly can't get it up - because of illness, medication or drinking - then contact the National Impotence Association helpline on 020 8767 7791.

2. If you can't bear penetration - maybe because you've had a bad experience in the past - then contact the British Association for Sexual and Relationship Therapy. or Relate for a list of counsellors in your area.

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