Life coach, Caro Handley, on how to get what you want without making enemies. Get the facts right here

The ability to negotiate is one of the most valuable skills you can bring to any job. Whether you’re after a pay rise, time off, a new job, getting someone to back off, more help or more recognition, the ability to negotiate will give you a much better chance of success.

Negotiation isn’t just about getting your own way or giving in. In fact, those are the things that happen when people fail to negotiate. If you won’t or can’t negotiate then either you, or the people around you, are likely to end up feeling bitter and resentful. If you’re the boss, you’ll have an unhappy staff. If you’re the junior, you’ll feel downtrodden and used.

Negotiation is about both sides reaching a good outcome, or at least one they feel they can live with and have contributed to. It will almost certainly involve compromise on both sides.

The seven-step negotiation plan:

1. Set out to reach a win-win situation. Both sides should leave the negotiation feeling they’ve come away with something and that they’re satisfied.

2. Always begin by saying something positive and appreciative to the person you’re negotiating with. For instance, ’I’ve noticed how hard you’ve been working,’ or ‘You really did a good job on that report’. It will increase the goodwill on both sides.

3. If the other person is angry or hostile, then refuse to get drawn into it or to fight. Keep smiling and being pleasant and sooner or later they’ll calm down.

4. Get clear about your bottom line. Decide, in advance, what really matters to you and what doesn’t. In other words, where you’ll compromise and where you won’t. Then stick to it.

5. Give yourself room to manoeuvre. Make sure you have something to offer the other person, as well as something you want.

6. Listen. And keep listening. It’s vital to really understand what the other person is saying and their point of view. To listen shows respect and good intentions, and will make the other person feel valued.

7. Keep your options open. If you don’t get what you want then resist the impulse to insult the other person or storm out. End the negotiation politely, and with a smile. That way you can always try again later.

Of course not everyone is willing to negotiate. But you can use these tools even when you’re the only one negotiating. Sarah, a client of mine, worked with a really awkward woman who kept taking over her work and then sucking up to the boss about it. Sarah was furious, but kept her cool.

She asked the woman for coffee and thanked her for her hard work, before pointing out the areas in which she was overstepping the mark. Sarah asked her to stop and suggested that they work together on a particular project. The woman was grumpy but agreed, and a month later told Sarah it was actually a relief to know what she should and shouldn’t be doing.

The ability to negotiate will help in virtually any work situation and will often allow you to sidestep conflict.

Why not chat to other iVillagers on the Life In The Work Place message board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions taking place on the message board right now: