Interviews: bad experiences: iVillage

The nightmare interview

Interviews are never easy, but some can be much worse than others. Being scrutinised and assessed is rarely going to feel comfortable, but if you've never had a truly dreadful job interview, you haven't lived. If you have, don't let it dent your confidence. Thinking about what you can learn will help you to move on.

Caught unawares
The very worst interviews are those that show you and the interviewer that you're not cut out for the post. It's most likely to happen when you've not bothered to do your research properly or if you're not particularly keen on the job. Julia, a 34-year-old public relations executive still feels embarrassed when she recalls an interview she messed up earlier this year.

'The timing was really bad. I'd been too busy to find out all I should have. I spoke to a couple of people who knew the agency and thought that was enough. What I'd missed was details of the latest account they'd landed. They were really proud of it, and their website - which I'm ashamed to say I hadn't even looked at before the interview - was full of press releases about it. They were incredulous that I should know so little. It was obvious they thought I was a total waste of time. After that, they weren't interested in finding out more about me and I can't blame them. I still cringe every time I hear their name mentioned.'

The wicked witch of the west
More common are interviews made difficult by the fact that the person doing the interviewing is not up to it. Some interviewers mistakenly believe that a confrontational style will reveal the real person, while others can be unbearably rude or ask questions that are irrelevant. If you're in a situation like this don't feel you have to play their game. Would you really want to work for an organisation that revelled in making people feel uncomfortable?

You can always deflect a question by turning it round. If you feel cornered and unhappy try saying something like, 'Could you explain why you're asking me that - I don't understand its relevance to the job I'm applying for.' Any employer who's offended by this response to unreasonable questioning is likely to be a nightmare to work for. Your ultimate weapon, of course, is to terminate the interview. It won't get you the job - in most cases - but it will leave you feeling better about yourself.

Inquisitive, insulting - and illegal
Alison, a mother of three, walked out of an interview for a teaching job because barbed comments about women with children taking too much time off and expecting others to cover for them, made her angry. ‘The Head was like something from a previous century – even the others on the interview panel looked uncomfortable. She spent ages quizzing me on my childcare arrangements, my absence record (I hadn’t had any absences from my current post), my children’s age and state of health. I had the feeling these were illegal questions anyway, but went with it for a while, because I felt I had all the right answers. Then she launched into a tirade about people with children being so selfish and expecting others to do more while they did less.

'It was so ill informed and insulting, I felt I could no longer be polite. I told her that I disagreed with everything she believed and because of that was no longer interested in the job. Then I got up and left. She rang me later that day to apologise and ask me if I’d consider taking the job. I turned it down because I didn’t want to work with someone who thought and behaved as she did.’

Points to ponder

Thorough preparation is essential: it makes you feel and appear confident. Research the employer's products, their competitors, and their recent successes. Be aware of, but don't mention, recent failures. Go to every corner of their website, read what others are saying about them, but be careful not to treat gossip as fact.

Arrive early so you are calm and composed from the start.

Research shows that interviewers' impressions are based mainly on how you look, then on how you sound, and finally on what you say.

You are assessing whether this company is right for you. Listen and observe carefully, then ask questions which will reveal whether they suit you.

It is unlawful for an employer to treat someone unfairly because of their status, gender, race, skin colour, nationality or disability. Any questions relating to these areas are potentially discriminatory. An interviewer should not, for example, be asking you about personal circumstances such as marital status, children, domestic obligations, marriage plans or family intentions. If you are asked an illegal question it's up to you whether you answer it.

If an employer is rude or aggressive you do not have to stay and listen.

A bad interview is a learning experience. There's something to be gained from it and no reason to feel awful. If it was your fault it went badly, you'll know how to do better next time. If it was a dreadful employer see it as a lucky escape.