Make Valentine’s Day the explosive climax to a week of good old-fashioned lovin’

Valentine’s Day – it’s the one day in the year dedicated to celebrating love and romance. But why just one day? Why not make your celebration last all week? Our seven-day Valentine’s plan will help you to concentrate on a different aspect of your relationship each day, build your commitment, troubleshoot any problems and bring your loving to a wonderful Valentine’s crescendo. So start now.

Day One: make that commitment
All good loving is underpinned by commitment. The security of knowing there’s love and loyalty between you allows you both to relax, be yourselves and grow.

So start your Valentine celebration in the best possible way by making a statement of your love for each other.

If you’re thinking, ‘What sort of statement?’ then choose one that works for you and reflects where you are in your relationship. You may want to simply say, ‘I love you’. You may want to write each other a letter declaring your feelings. If you’re married you could reread your vows together, quietly and with pauses for thought after each vow. Whatever you decide to do, make this a real affirmation of your love.

Day Two: start talking
I always say that there are three main secrets to a good relationship: communication, communication and communication.

At the start of any relationship you want to know everything about each other. But as time passes, this sort of deep level information exchange fades away. With the hectic pace of life, couples find they just never talk properly.

So take time today to communicate. Turn off the television and talk through what you think and feel about some of these things:

• The best day we ever spent together.
  
• The three things I love about you most.
  
• My fears about life without you.
  
• Something I want to thank you for.
  
• How you’ve changed my life.
  

For extra help on learning to talk to each other, try reading Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps, by Barbara and Allan Pease, (Pease International, £10.99).

Day Three: spend some time together
What with work, kids, friends and family, many couples never find the time to do things together – apart from the supermarket run. But the couple who play together stay together, because they share fun experiences and get to relax in each other’s company.

Spend today doing things that are fun. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. Wrap up warm and go for a walk in the park. Go to an afternoon movie and eat popcorn in the back row. Do something you haven’t done for years – bowling, ice skating or a bike ride. In the evening, eat together at home or away. Or curl up on the sofa with a video and enjoy just being together.

And make a resolution, in the future, to do something together at least once a week. Sign up for an evening class, learn to dance, take up a sport. The possibilities are endless.

Day Four: show some affection
It’s so important to touch, to feel skin on skin. Sure, there’s contact during sex but most people, men as well as women, need more than that. They need the safety of being cuddled and the comfort of being held. They need a regular dose of their partner’s smell and taste in order to stay close.

So today, keep touching. Start by snuggling up to each other as you wake and remember that as it’s Sunday, you can stay in bed as long as you want.

Then keep the contact. As you pass on the stairs, offer a hug. If you go out together, link hands. Choose the sofa to snuggle up on as you watch the television.

Back in bed at the end of the day, fall asleep in each other’s arms.

Day Five: sexual feeling
Yes, sex is great but sometimes, it simply gets de-prioritised. So this evening, switch the answerphone on and turn the television off, unless, of course, you have an erotic video to watch.

You don’t have to get sexual. If the mood doesn’t strike you can just enjoy stroking and fondling. But if you do find desire building, then try this.

Each take quarter of an hour to ask for just what you want. To be stroked? To be fondled? To have your partner use hands or mouth? To enjoy your favourite intercourse position? The only barrier is that you mustn’t ask for something you know your partner objects to.

The whole point of this game is that you can relax and enjoy receiving pleasure without having to worry about giving. Just for a while, the focus is all on you. So enjoy.

A great resource for new sexual ideas is The Great Sex Guide by Anne Hooper, (Dorling Kindersley, £7.99).

Day Six: make your plans
It’s so easy to get bogged down in day-to-day things, particularly if you’ve been together for a while. So today, think about the future.

Look at the year ahead and what you’re looking forward to. Holidays? Visiting friends and family? An interesting work project? Something your children are doing?

What do you want to do differently this year – take more breaks, get the house painted, start a new hobby? Talk these things through supportively and make action plans.

If there are changes you want to make in your relationship, then this is the day to resolve to take action. You could even read The Sixty Minute Marriage, by Rob Parsons which you can, actually, finish in an hour. It may help bring things back on track again (Hodder and Stoughton, £5.99). Or contact Relate for details of couples’ counselling in your area.

Day Seven: celebration
Today is Valentine’s Day, and it all comes together. You’ve worked hard this week. You’ve committed yourselves to each other, looked at the way you communicate, played together, cuddled up, enjoyed your sexuality, and made future plans.

Now’s the time to indulge yourselves. So plan an evening that is just for you. Perhaps take a bath together, share a lovely meal, make love. You might want to talk over the past week and what you’ve learned and enjoyed. Or you might want to just spend quiet time in each other’s arms.

The important thing is to celebrate your love and set the scene for your next year together to be the best year ever.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Do you have any relationship treats in store for your man? Tell us about it on the The highs and lows of being a couple message board