Having a threesome is one thing, but what do you do in the morning? Cadillac Carter spills the beans

I remember once waking up from a close encounter of the third kind and trying to work out which arm belonged to whom. The hairy ones were not mine – that was the easy bit. Breakfast was a nightmare. My partner went into a sulk and would not speak to the third party, an old friend of ours. He accused me of leading them both on. Our friend just sat in the kitchen wearing little more than a grin, which annoyed my partner even more. Within days our relationship had ended. What he thought would be a turn on, became a turn off.

One friend has avoided threesomes ever since the two women he slept with ended up rolling on the floor in a fight the morning after. ‘My girlfriend had a problem with her weight, but I really liked her size and that really boosted her confidence. But when we got into a threesome with her friend – it was my girlfriend’s suggestion, and we were a bit drunk – I spent more time on her friend because she was something new. It fed into my girlfriend’s insecurities and she was jealous of her friend. She never got over it and we split up afterwards. I will never do it again. I prefer one to one.’

My golden rule for threesomes is that it has to be a spontaneous affair with never to be seen again strangers. Unless inviting a third party into your king size is the only thing that turns you on, threesomes are best left to chance.

However, there are times when a group grope between friends can enhance the friendship. Mary, a 32-year-old computer analyst, says her threesome with two girlfriends deepened their relationships. ‘We all have boyfriends, but one night we were a bit drunk at my place and it just started getting provocative. I was a bit confused at times as to which bit belonged to whom, but in the end it didn’t matter. It was like we just fused into one blissful chaos. I loved it, and we had lots of laughs in the process. I also discovered how much I get turned on watching two women doing it. In the morning we had breakfast in bed together and promised not to tell our blokes. They wouldn’t have understood.’

Threesomes offer a smorgasbord of sexual permutations

They probably would have asked them to do it again while they watched. This is, after all, one of the top ten male fantasies. But ask any man if he would want a threesome with a man and a woman and he’ll quickly try to replace the man with another woman. There’s nothing like a threesome to bring out one’s worst insecurities. So unless you are a grounded, unpossessive creature, leave well alone.

‘For me, sex with two men is much more fulfilling than one,’ says Joanna, 26, who likes doubling her fun. ‘When one gets tired, the other one can continue. Also, for some reason, when two men are with a woman they give a huge amount of attention. It’s like they become your sex slaves in a way they aren’t when they come alone.’ Joanna’s ultimate high is to be penetrated anally and vaginally at the same time by her two-pack. ‘If that’s what you’re into, then one is never going to be enough. I like that feeling of being sandwiched between two gorgeous men. And believe me, they are all into it.’

Threesomes offer a smorgasbord of sexual permutations, limited only by a lack of imagination. For example, you could bring a touch of mystery into a threesome by remaining blindfolded, while you have sex with your partner and a silent ‘stranger’. When mystery man or woman slips away, you are still not aware of their identity. The post-coital dreads occur when you realise it could be your dentist.

Three times one can boost a flagging, established relationship (as long as you are both consenting), and it can offer a sexual camaraderie that is rarely achieved in a one-to-one.

A spontaneous multi-dimensional bonk can feel like a real adventure. My best ones have occurred while travelling. But as a woman, entering into a threesome with two male strangers, you must be able to feel safe. Oh, and coloured condoms are a good idea. That way you can spot the difference.

Have you had a threesome? Join in the discussion now.