Your baby looks at you, her mouth starts to move, her eyes light up and there it is, her first smile. Coram Family on how to communicate with babies before they talk

It’s easy to assume that ‘language’, even ‘communication’, is mainly about speech, but it’s not. It’s also about body language. We hear and see all the meaning that comes from tone of voice, facial expression, gesture and body posture. Body language and the quality of your voice is all that babies have to go on and they make the most of it. Over the first months of life, they are tuned in and working hard to get and keep your attention.

Under three months

• Young babies work to make contact even in the early weeks as their eyes move around to catch your stare.
• The best way to communicate is to hold your baby close and look her in the eye. Talk softly, so she hears your voice. It doesn’t matter what you say.
• Routines of feeding and changing are perfect for communication.
• Your baby’s first smile will come in this period. Smile back and develop the habit of chatting with your baby.
• Babies respond to singing even at this young age and they’re not bothered if you’re tone deaf. Babies as young as three months start to recognise the opening notes of the song you sing when you change them.

Babies have gained a bit more physical control and understand more about the familiar people and events in their daily life.

• Watch out for the way their waving hands and legs reflect their feelings: pleased to see you, curious about the taste of a new food, perhaps tired and a bit bored.
• Babies can make some distinct sounds, more than just crying. They are also watching and listening to you.

Communication can seem like a one-sided affair to start with but it isn’t really. It works like this:

• Be close to your baby so that your eyes are level with hers. You may be holding her or having a ‘conversation’ as you change her.
• Keep what you say simple and brief. Talk a bit more slowly than normal.
• Then pause, look expectant and your baby will ‘reply’ with sounds, grins and enthusiastic arm waving.
• You have the beginnings of a conversation. Soon your baby will ‘say’ something in sounds and gestures and then look at you to indicate, ‘Your turn now’.
• Good communication with alert babies has a cyclical, repetitive quality. As the conversation goes on, you say something similar but not exactly the same. React as if your baby really has ‘said’ something, because in her way she has.
• Listen and pay attention to what your baby ‘says’. Sometimes follow your baby’s lead; he will love it if you copy his sounds or facial expression.

Babies become increasingly adept at producing a range of sounds and stringing them together in a tuneful way. By the end of this first year, they are very expressive supporting their sounds with looks and pointing that tell you clearly to join in.

• Talk simply about what you are both doing at the time. Sometimes it will be a book with eye-catching illustrations or toys that your baby holds, shakes and drops on the ground. Other times it will be what you can both see through the window or spot on a local trip. The trick is to focus on what interests your baby right now.
• You can talk about what your baby seems to be feeling. It may be, ‘You look very happy. What’s made you so pleased then?’ or ‘I know you’re cross. You don’t want your nappy changed, do you? I’m sorry, we have to do it. Yes we do.’ Your words are punctuated with looks, smiles and touch.

Special equipment or programmes?

Babies explore and learn from an interesting range of books (enjoyed with you), toys and fun with ordinary household objects such as saucepans and wooden spoons.

Body language is part of communication and you can help your baby by exaggerating your own gestures as well as tuning into hers. Gestures are a natural extension of being attentive to babies. You add the open palm gesture that communicates ‘give me’ as well as using the words. Perhaps you follow your baby or toddler’s lead when they move a hand in a certain way to show they want a drink or make the movements of Incey Wincey Spider to show they want that song. You will help your baby and toddler when you respond fully to her communication.

You can take this one stage further and find out how to develop sign language with your baby.

Ideally, share attention with your child throughout your time together. (And make it clear what you expect if someone else takes responsibility for your baby while you work.)
Daily routines with babies can seem non-stop, so a period when you sit with your baby, play and chat in a relaxed way can be useful. It won’t help your baby if you keep pushing your child on to the next stage. She needs time to learn and practice and you will help best if you relax and encourage. Babies do fine at their own pace.

If you would like to read about current research about babies’ intelligence, try:

How babies think: the science of childhood - Alison Gopnik, Andrew Meltzoff, and Patricia Kuhl, (1999) Weidenfeld and Nicolson.

Your child’s growing mind: a practical guide to brain development and learning from birth to adolescence- Jane Healy, (1994) Doubleday (A US publication, available from Amazon.com or Community Insight mail order books tel 01793 51612)