The story so far: Josa Young and husband Thoby have two children aged eleven and eight. She’s now 41 and expecting another baby soon OK, so I panicked

The baby had an unusually quiet evening – he usually pushes his bony little bottom a great deal when I sit down to catch a bit of television - and I went to bed feeling uneasy. I woke up at 6.30am and wanted to cry with anxiety. I didn’t want to disturb my hard-working one-to-one midwife, so I rang the hospital. They asked me to come straight in for a trace of the baby’s heartbeat. They were so kind, but did ask if this was my first baby. I think you are meant to stop this kind of thing by the third pregnancy, but with all the talk of incompetent placentas after the age of 40 it is not surprising that I am a bit sensitive.

I went for the first time to the new Queen Charlotte’s, which is right beside the Hammersmith Hospital. On the other side, it is within a short spit of Wormwood Scrubs prison, so you get a nice view of shiny, curled barbed wire from the windows. It was very quiet at the hospital at that time of day and I was shown straight into a labour room. This is spacious and has a television and its own little bathroom en suite. Such luxury. I gave birth for the first time in 1989 in a bare clinical room containing only a hard, high bed and a drip stand.

I was hooked up to a monitor for an hour to trace the baby’s heartbeat. All was perfectly well, with an average of 152 beats per minute, which is normal for a baby of this gestation. I felt very happy and reassured. Then a young doctor came in. The first question she asked when she noted the gap between Archie, eight, and this one, was if it was by the same partner. I felt extremely irritated. There is absolutely no clinical need for this question. I would suggest as a polite default mode that all medical personnel assume their patients have happy and monogamous marriages unless they are informed to the contrary. I am lucky enough to enjoy one of these.

I was given a kick chart, but the baby has been so active ever since, that I do not really feel the need to fill it in. I am just very aware all the time of its activity.

My feelings have been quite strange over the last weeks

I find it hard to visualise myself as the mother of a small baby again. I feel overcome with lassitude at the idea of making a nursery out of my office. I am sure this has something to do with having lost my own mother seven years ago. She would be so interested, helping with curtains and all the practicalities, making it all more real for me. Although I have good, kind friends who keep delivering bin bags full of useful equipment, I have no one who would be so intimately connected with the practicalities as a mother. Sometimes I cry bitterly for my loss. The hormones have the effect of stripping away those carefully built defences between you and your memories.

Both children press their faces into the bump

Archie said he could distinguish it’s fast little heartbeat from mine, when he listened on the downward slope. He has been kindly helping me to put my tights onto my feet and zipping up my boots, as bending in the middle leaves me completely breathless. Only a month to go now, I really must try to be practical. We visited the Baby Gap sale, but the new baby things were uninspiring and very expensive. I will have to get around to reviewing what I have in the attic at some stage – I know there are little nighties and shawls, which are fine for the first few days. When we had Archie there were more interesting little clothes in vivid colours – now it’s all washed out pastels. Nappy buckets, bin, baby monitor, these are the only necessities left on the list to purchase due to the generosity of friends with second-hand equipment. I must stir myself at some stage. Only one major piece of work to edit and then, perhaps, it will all become more real, and I can begin to look into the future.

See Anastasia's pregnancy diary for weeks 36-38.