| Sitting it out
Mrs Doubtfire’s otherwise engaged. Mrs Wolf’s not tempted. Fiona Gibson suggests more orthodox ways of finding a reliable babysitter Great - my parents were off out for the night. This meant a blissful evening with Wendy, the teenage babysitter; all kohl-rimmed eyes and a stash of Jackie magazines tucked under her arm. Wendy wouldn’t usher me to bed at boring old 8.30; she’d give me complicated hairstyles and let me stay up late, watching smoochy kissing on grown-up telly. When I reached my teens, I realised that Wendy had had it easy. Now a babysitter myself, I discovered that the job was a little more complex than scoffing Hula Hoops and rifling through someone else’s bathroom cabinet. Keiren, my three-year-old charge, would regularly liven up the proceedings by threatening to throw himself down the stairs. ‘Stop that nonsense!’ I’d warn in my fiercest voice. ‘I’m going to get a gun,’ he’d yell back, ‘and shoot you dead.’ WANTED: Brave yet kindly babysitter Now we have three pre-school children of our own and, however much we crave the occasional night out, it’s scary leaving them in someone else’s charge. A friend, Maria, has daughters aged four and 18 months and says, ‘We moved six months ago and don’t have the luxury of family nearby, or friends we’ve known for ages. I asked a neighbour - the local school secretary - if she knew any girls who’d be keen to babysit, and she recommended Charlotte, who’s 16. ‘Charlotte came round to meet the girls and they were very taken with her. She babysat once and that was fine. We got back very late and she didn’t mind. Next time we came home an hour early - to be greeted by two teenage boys running down our front path. Charlotte appeared looking flustered, and bottles of Hooch were scattered around the house. ‘We didn’t know how to react. We felt we had to be grown up - the kids hadn’t woken up and nothing awful had happened. My partner even offered her the money but she refused it. Charlotte seemed contrite and embarrassed and, later that night, her dad called saying how sorry she was.’ Maria says she’s learnt a valuable lesson: ‘We should have set firm ground rules and said that she couldn’t have friends round. We should also have been suspicious that she was wearing a hell of a lot of make-up for a babysitter...’ Getting it right Maria’s experience shouldn’t put you off grabbing the odd night off out. Relate spokesperson Denise Knowles points out, ‘Children have a massive impact on your relationship. If you have time for each other as a couple - or are only fit to crash out in front of the TV every evening - you can start to feel rejected and resentful. You need time together, away from the house. A night out and a bottle of wine can help you relax and make you feel needed and loved again.’ Babysitting circles If you don’t have family nearby, consider setting up a babysitting circle. These can operate to a strict credit system (with tokens earned and spent per hour of sitting) or on a more casual basis. You simply gather a local group of parents with young children and you offer your services as babysitter one night, and call upon another member of the circle when you want to go out. It’s a good, no-cost option: your child will be familiar with the babysitter, and the bigger the circle, the more chance of finding someone to sit on the night you want. Friends who’ve met locally through antenatal groups, NCT groups, parent and toddler groups, playgroups and nurseries often set up babysitting circles together. Agencies No local network of like-minded parents? Then you might opt for an agency (with the benefit of knowing that babysitters are over 18 and carefully vetted). Fees range from around £4.50-£6 an hour outside London - in London, £5-£7 an hour. Most agencies also charge a one-off agency fee (around £10-£12) but if you're planning to use someone regularly you can usually pay an annual fee - around the £100 mark in London - and for this, you receive a list of sitters and their numbers.
That all adds a considerable amount to the bill for an evening out, so you could approach a carer at your child’s playgroup or nursery, or ask around for personal recommendations of babysitters in your area. Be sure to agree fees in advance. Rather cheaper, our own babysitter (paid a miserly £3.50 an hour, but rounded up, depending on how drunk we are) sat for us at the weekend. A friend of ours popped round to see us, not knowing we were out - and spotted her boyfriend scuttling into the dining room! If you know reliable teenagers The NSPCC advises using babysitters who are over 16. Meet them before your night out. ‘Follow your instincts,’ suggests the NSPCC. ‘If you have any doubts, don’t take them on.’ It’s best if your child knows the sitter; even if he ‘never’ wakes up during the night, it’s sod’s law that he’ll have a nightmare - and you don’t want him to be greeted by a stranger’s face. Going out
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