We are forever being told that beauty is only skin deep, but reactions to iVillage's Body Image poll suggest otherwise

‘Everywhere you look size matters,’ says one iVillager in her Body Image post. It’s a disheartening statement, but one many of you agree with according to comments you posted during our Body Image Week. More than half (55%) of the 1,500 iVillage members who took part in our poll admitted to being unhappy with their bodies. Only a fifth feel satisfied with the way they look, while a quarter of those polled said that their self-esteem varied to do with the day or time of month. ‘The results horrified me,' confided one iVillager. ‘I can’t believe over half the women who answered have a problem with the way they look. What happened to beauty is on the inside?’

Many of us find it hard to remember that adage when we are constantly bombarded with photographs of perfect women – images the majority of us will never be able to live up to.

Never let the truth get in the way of a good picture
The media's long-term love affair with stick-thin waif-like models shows no sign of waning. ‘Even though I know in my mind that my image is quite good and I’m very tall, thin and attractive, I still can’t pick up a women’s magazine without feeling like a piece of trash,’ protests one iVillager. ‘Women’s marketing is male-dominated and harmful to women.’
‘Let’s face it, we have a lot to live up to if we want to achieve the media image of what a perfect woman should look like,' adds another. ‘Hardly any of us fit that image, but day after day we have the perfect hair, nails, teeth, make-up, waistlines and breasts thrust at us. No wonder the majority of women hate the bodies they live in!’

When mum doesn’t always know bestAccording to some of those polled, body image is influenced by things closer to home. ‘I was doing fine with my weight until my mum came over last week,’ says one iVillager. 'She asked: "Have you put on weight? You’ve got an enormous spare tyre." It really upset me. I now understand that my mum is responsible for my poor body image, because she has one too.’Another user agreed. ‘I have never had great self-esteem or a good body image and it’s because of my mother. She has always criticised me and never complimented me, yet she is large herself. I am not fat but I am a little overweight. It is only since I have matured (I’m 39) that I realise I shouldn’t give in to my mother’s negativity.’
For some, it can be a legacy that lasts a lifetime. ‘I was brought up by a mother who could only show affection through food,’ says one iVillager. ‘Consequently a fat child became a fat adult and even now at 65, I still battle with my weight and comfort eat when stressed. After a very emotional winter, I am trying to remove the 19lbs I put on.’

Unhappiness
Body image is an issue that can provoke strong emotional reactions, so it was no surprise that certain posts reflected the frustration and desperation that some women do feel. One 25-year-old iVillager revealed: ‘I’m 5ft 3ins, 9st and pear shaped. Since I had my baby, I’ve got no boobs left. I’m disgusting. I’m single and won’t go out with men because of how I feel. I dread the summer and I can’t get clothes to fit because I’m such a freak. It controls absolutely everything.’
Another member adds: ‘I hate my body but then I hate me. I am grossly obese and it’s the way I cope because I feel totally worthless. Even if I was ‘normal’ I would probably find some other way to sabotage my life. Having a horrible body gives people a reason to humiliate and make fun of me – why I deserve it I don’t know. I hate myself so much, eating is a form of self-abuse; I can punish myself.’

The perfect 10
But just what is the ideal size? According to you, perfection comes in all shapes but many of you do want to be thin. ‘I know it’s pathetic, but I just feel better if I’m less than 10st (I’m 5ft 9ins),’ says one honest iVillager. ‘ I also hate being bigger than a size 10. Flab makes me feel mentally flabby.’Another member says: ‘I am 4ft 11ins and when I weigh around 7st I feel so much better, (with) more energy and confidence. Now at 8st, I feel frumpy and unable to wear the clothes I like.’
In contrast, one member (5ft 11ins and a size 16-18, weighing 14 stone) says: ‘I don’t look at myself as overweight because at the end of the day I’m healthy and I’m happy.’

When thin isn’t in
There’s a message out there for many women who yearn to be thinner – being slim doesn’t necessarily improve your self-esteem. One iVillager laments: ‘I am 24 years old and still struggle with my own body image. I have hated my body at every stage. I am 5ft 7ins and 8st. Everyone sees this as ‘skinny’ but I have also been 11 stone and felt just as dissatisfied. I think what it boils down to is that there is confusion between body shape and body image. Body shape is the reality, body image is the fantasy.’
Another member adds: ‘I’m 19, 7st 9lbs and about 5ft 3ins. Most of my friends say they wish they had my figure, but they don’t understand that everyone, no matter what shape, has their bad days too.’

Get knotted
So do we all just need to get a grip? Are we so obsessed with our weight, our bust size or our thighs that we let the important moments slip by?‘Life is too darned short to be worrying about cellulite and stretch marks,’ asserts one iVillager. ‘It's as unhealthy to be too thin as it is to be too fat. Forget about it and concentrate on living, and you will soon find that size and shape don’t matter.’
Another adds: ‘Having three young children has put the body image bit into perspective – I really don’t care about it anymore (and I used to). There are so many important things out there and people that are really suffering in the world. Women are so important – don’t let the dubious wills and wants of men ruin our lives.’The last word goes to one iVillager who says: ‘Big girls keep you warm in winter and give you plenty to cuddle in summer I am told. As intelligent women, isn’t it time we told the thin lobby to get knotted?’

More
The Politics of Wrinkles
Will you get the job if you're fat?
Banish the body blues
Family plays a part
Are you an emotional overeater?
Why can't women celebrate food?
Passing on our body hang-ups
Virtually fat free
What do you think?

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