Leaving an abusive relationship is the hardest decision a woman can make. Sharon Waugh shares the benefit of her experiences

When I was asked by iVillage to write this article, I thought long and hard about how I had prepared to leave my own violent first marriage. I think it’s fair to say that I didn’t really plan it at all. It was always in the back of my mind but somehow it never felt like the right time. It happened as I always knew it would. I woke up one morning and knew it was time. Somehow I knew that if I didn’t do it, eventually I would be killed.

I threw a few things in a case while he slept in the same room, grabbed my toddler daughter and drove away. Even now, 13 years on, to try and explain how I felt at that time would be very difficult. Numb, scared and shocked but at the same time, victorious, relieved and not quite believing I’d had the courage to do it. But that was me. Although I’ve heard a lot of women say that their escape was very similar, there are also women that know when the time is right, but don’t have the opportunity to do it, or quite simply don’t know how to. Everyone’s experience is unique.

Start by talking to a trusted friend. Leaving can be a long process but you should never be afraid to ask for help.

You can call the Women’s Aid National Domestic Violence Helpline or your local Women’s Aid Group. Keep a list of telephone numbers in a safe place. Make sure it includes the Women’s Aid Helpline number and that of the local police. If you already have a solicitor then write that number down too; if you don’t, then look in the Yellow Pages for details of a solicitor who practises in Family Law. If you have a mobile phone, keep it topped up and charged. In an emergency always call 999.

If you’ve seen the film Sleeping with the Enemy with Julia Roberts, you’ll remember her packing a holdall in preparation for her escape from her abusive husband. This is an emergency kit. Try and find a bag or holdall big enough to hold most essentials, but small enough to hide from your partner. Put it somewhere you can lay your hands on it easily in an emergency. I’ve listed the belongings you should try and secure in this bag for when you leave. Not necessarily all at once, but over a period of time, so your partner doesn’t notice they are missing.

• A change of clothes
  
• Some money
  
• A child’s special toy
  
• Duplicate car keys
  
• Driver’s licence
  
• Benefit books
  
• Any court orders/injunctions
  
• Birth certificates for yourself and your children
  
• Bank details/account numbers
  
• Credit cards/cheque books
  
• Mortgage or housing details
  
• National insurance number
  
• Medical cards for yourself and your children
  
• Medication for yourself and your children
  
• Address book
  
• Photographs
  
• Divorce papers/marriage licence
  
• Jewellery
  
• Spectacles
  
• Mobile phone and charger

Resources to keep in a safe place:
This is not a fully comprehensive list – there is more provision available which can be found via the joint Women’s Aid and Refuge 24-hour free national helpline: 0808 2000 247