Replenish your energy, rekindle the passion and make time for love on holiday. But, advises Susan Quilliam, don't forget to do it throughout the year too

It's not just singletons that look for holiday romance. Many long-term couples also regard holidays as the perfect time to boost their own 'lurve dials'. A trip away can be just the break partners need to get back into each other and to rediscover the emotions buried beneath the routines of everyday life.

Make the most of your time away
Holidays are the ideal time to flake out, relax and recover from the daily stresses and strains we all endure. You can replenish your energy levels, and regenerate the vigour that too often has been lacking between you and your partner. For these reasons it's a good idea to escape somewhere that's not frantically busy, where you can have a lie in, laze on the beach or unwind with long leisurely walks. Holidays are also the perfect time to have long laid-back chats. Take the opportunity to update each other on your thoughts and feelings. I don't mean discussing the central heating or how the kids are doing in school - but talking through your hopes, dreams and anxieties.

One idea is to make a mental list of topics you'd like to discuss. Where do you and your partner see yourselves in five years? What's the one thing you'd most like to change in your lives? Maybe you could choose a different topic every day and talk it through.

At the same time, make an effort to build up the romance. Even if you're on a family holiday, create time to be alone and snuggle up. Plan to have at least one romantic meal where you both dress up, crack open some nice wine, light the candles and reflect on the early days of your relationship. Conjure up the feelings and sheer excitement you felt in each other's company when you first got together.

Finally, use holidays to rekindle the passion. Time and opportunity are the main reasons for many couples not having a regular sex life. On holiday you have more time, and with careful babysitting arrangements you can seize opportunities for lovemaking. Take afternoon siestas or creep down to the beach at midnight. Include on your packing list what the Japanese call a 'pillow book' - a good bedside manual of sexual ideas, such as Divine Sex by Caroline Aldred (Carroll and Brown, £12.99).

Don't expect holiday perfection

Though holidays can be the ideal setting for rekindling intimacy, they can also be the final straw for a relationship. And problems can begin before you've even set off if the chosen destination isn't right for both of you. If he needs a complete break because he's overworked and you need a buzzing holiday because you've been trapped at home - things will be bad from the start. Avoid resentment by using your communication skills to talk through your needs. This will help you to arrive at a happy and sensible compromise if you want different things.

When you arrive, bear in mind that you're probably not used to being together 24 hours a day. It can be stressful. If you feel the need to spend some time alone - a morning or afternoon doing your own thing - it doesn't mean your relationship is a disaster. In fact, it could spell the difference between a fraught or happy holiday.

Another typical problem is control. You want to do one thing, your partner wants to do another. The trick here is to make a list of what you both want, then agree to do the majority of things over the course of the holiday. This way, no one feels short-changed. If rows do start, hold your breath and count to ten, or even agree to take half an hour apart to cool down. Remember to always kiss and make-up before going to bed that night.

The final holiday danger happens when you get back. Post-holiday syndrome is a condition brought on by the anticlimax of coming home. It leads to irritability, tearfulness and, in some cases, depression. Prevent this by giving yourselves something to look forward to when you return - organise a fun day out or book a short break for a few weeks later. Having something planned could ensure that your first night back home is not marked by a stressful row.

Keep love alive throughout the year
Holidays are far more likely to have a positive rather than negative effect on your relationship if it's solid to start with. That means building your love throughout the whole year, not just while on a two-week break.

Don't just make time to be together when you're away. Get into the habit of spending regular time together, whether it's ten minutes each day or an evening every week. Talk to each other - even if there doesn't seem to be much to chat about. People change over time, often in subtle ways, and the partner you originally got together with will have changed in his or her thoughts, feelings and attitudes since you met.

Put positive energy into resolving common conflicts, otherwise resentment can build up over the months and it can become impossible to clear, even with the best holiday in the world. So if you do have differing opinions, work them out. If you find yourselves rowing, regard that as a real danger sign.

Don't save affection and good sex for holidays. Keep cuddling, keep making love, experiment and try new things on a regular basis. You may not feel as passionate after a heavy week of nine-to-five as you do under the Mediterranean sun - but if the passion ebbs completely, take action.

Finally, if things aren't going well, don't hold back from ringing your local branch of Relate (www.relate.org.uk). Find the number in the phone book, or ring 01788 573241.

Resources
• Stop Arguing, Start Talking by Susan Quilliam (Vermilion, £6.99).
• Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps by Barbara and Allan Pease (Pease International, £10.99).