The continuing saga of Anna McNamee’s weekend of surrendering

Sunday 4 am
I’m woken up by the roar of my partner’s snores – again. The surrendered me is obviously still sleeping and the crabby bitch takes advantage. Hit partner with pillow, shove him on his side and tell him to shut up.

9:00 am
The surrendered me is awake and appalled at the discourtesy displayed in the middle of the night. Obviously, I must apologise profusely. Laura says over and over again that ‘it’s important to apologise when you’ve been discourteous to your guy.’ The surrendered me is slightly peeved by the fact that my guy doesn’t remember any of it.

7:05 pm
We’re going out for dinner.

Laura’s own road to Damascus was actually just a trip to a restaurant. It was an activity suggested by a marital counsellor. Her mission was to go out for dinner with her husband, allowing him to choose the restaurant, the route they would take to get there, even what she would eat and the movie they would go to see afterwards. It was awful. She was completely out of control. She hated it.

My guy seems to hate it too. He’s spent most of the day phoning restaurants, trying to find out who’s open on a Sunday and where we should go. Where would I like to go? he pleads. ‘Wherever you like, dear. I trust your judgement.’ Laura says ‘When he asks your opinion you should use it as an opportunity to remind him that you trust his judgement’. Feeling smug. Imagine this is how Laura must feel.

10:00 pm
We’re sitting in the restaurant. My partner looks exhausted from the effort of the entire ordeal of finding the restaurant (and having to find the car keys), ordering for two, then making sure they accept credit cards when he discovers neither or us have any cash.

Don’t you think maybe you’re acting a little like a Stepford Wife? he asks. Have to admit that I’m beginning to feel slightly exhausted myself. All this policing of everything I might say, biting my lip and following his lead has been, well... a little boring frankly. Laura promised I would feel more dignified if I stopped indulging in my ‘unpleasant behaviours’ and surrendered instead. Not sure I understand what is dignified about letting your partner order for you. Actually, I’m beginning to think about just how handy Valium would be if I had to do this much longer. Also beginning to wonder if the reason why Laura doesn’t need to boss her husband around anymore is because she’s so busy bossing around other women.

Luckily, narcotic relief will be unnecessary. My ‘good guy’ promises he’ll try to remember to pick up his socks if only we can go back to being ‘normal’. That is until next weekend. That’s when he gets his turn to surrender.

The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace with Your Man Laura Doyle (Simon & Schuster;£10).

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