Your relationship's been over for a while now. Your tears are dry. You're just starting to think that you might be ready to meet someone new. Susan Quilliam explains the best way forward

Know when it's right
Wait until you're ready. And that doesn't just mean resisting your friends' efforts to pair you off. It also means not rushing into a relationship too soon. Until you've really recovered from your broken relationship, you won't be in any fit state to choose the right man - or make any new partnership work.

As a rule of thumb, allow a month for every year your old partnership lasted before seriously dating again. Make sure that you're well through the grief and anger over your break-up and that you realise what went wrong with your last relationship and are clear about what you will do differently next time.

Get your confidence back
Work on feeling good about yourself. There's nothing more seductive to a new man than a woman who believes she's worth it. You may be feeling vulnerable after your split - so do everything you can to build your confidence. Have a makeover, lose weight, buy those new clothes.

Start believing that you have something to offer. List your own strongest features and remind yourself of them daily. Try an assertiveness course. Read The Confidence to be Yourself by Brian Roet (Piatkus, £9.99)

Cast your net wide
When you launch yourself back into the dating game, you may well wonder why you so rarely meet good men. It isn't you - it's the situation. Particularly if the last time you dated was as a teenager when everyone was single and looking - there are fewer potential mates out there when you get older.

You have to compensate by really trying to meet people, so accept every invitation. Join clubs, lots of them. Say yes to every opportunity to meet people. And, yes, join singles or friendship groups. The more people you meet the more chance you have of meeting the right person.

Look for friendship, not love
Don't go looking only for romantic opportunities. For a start, the best love affairs grow out of friendship. But also, when you start dating again, you need to both get your confidence back and get your eye in. You need to start learning how the opposite gender works, years on from when you last dated.

So, yes, go for one-on-one meals with potential partners. But also go out for fun dates -bowling, sailing, bungee jumping. Go off on courses, on residential weekends, in small groups or big parties. Get to know men as people, and let your 'dates' be enjoyable experiences.

When it all comes together
When romance does arrive, you'll know - because you'll be excited, longing to see him, optimistic about the future. And this time round, don't settle for anything less. You don't need to rush into anything - particularly not sex - just because he wants it.

Tell him about yourself, so you are sure he knows who you are. Ask questions, so you know who he is. If he turns out to be gay, violent or married, don't go there. Wait for men interested in you, sensitive to your needs, with mutual aims in life and respectful of your situation.

Finding Mr Right
It's always wise - and more likely to get a result - if you take things slowly. And, in all honesty, be prepared for some disappointments. It's unusual for the first romance you have after the breakdown of a serious relationship to be 'the one', to work out. So plan to go on lots of dates, to start - and finish - lots of short-term relationships, and to wait a while until you find the right one for you.

Yes, sadly, you may have to kiss some frogs before you find your prince. But remember that, judging by current figures of marriage and remarriage, you will find him - and you will have your happy ending.

Find out more
Starting Again by Sarah Litvinoff (Vermilion £7.99)