| Virtual chat: Chief Inspector Tim Bonnett
The man behind the police-led UK Missing and Exploited Children Web Site answers your questions about missing children on our Views on the News message board Question and answer
Q: How do you know that the children you're trying to reunite with their families didn't run away in the first place because of some sort of abuse at home? What safeguards are there? A: Thank you for raising this issue. We are very careful that the cases we post on the website are ones where we can manage the return carefully. When a child is traced, we involve caring agencies and the family, working together to ensure that issues around the child's disappearance are dealt with appropriately. The simple fact to remember is that it is always better for a child to be in a place of safety than on the streets, no matter how 'streetwise' they think they are.
Q: I read a statistic that most child abductions are actually perpetrated by family members and/or parents. Is this more or less dangerous to the psychological health of the child in question? A: You are right that most abductions are by people children know very well, often family members. The child can still be at risk. A very sad case featured on the website last year was Deirdre Crowley. She was abducted by her father who, when the police caught up with him, killed her and then committed suicide. In addition, the child may be kept out of school, live in the shadows of life and generally be affected psychologically by the experience. Abduction by a stranger is very, very rare and very dangerous. Some family abductions are for positive reasons. However, courts (in the UK at least) make decisions on custody with careful consideration of all sorts of factors. A child should always be with the person that is regarded as the safest or best person for their general welfare.
Q: How long does a child have to be away from home to be counted as missing? A: There is no time limit. A baby could be regarded as missing if they have been gone for a few seconds. The first hours of an enquiry are crucial. What is important if your child goes missing is that you act sensibly (which may be difficult) and think what the child is likely to do. Check friends, favourite places and so on (you would be amazed at how many missing children are found in their own home or garden!) as this will help the police to help you. If you have the slightest concern that a child is in danger, call 999.
Q: When I was a child, the 'never talk to strangers' message left me with the impression that the streets were crawling with potential abductors. What can parents do about this? A: Stranger abductions are very rare, probably less than ten in a year in the whole country. However, I know of cases where the children are not missing as such but have been lured away and returned, commonly for sexual exploitation. These are still unusual, but we don't get to hear about it unless the child talks about what they have done (which is not likely). If you look on the UK Missing and Exploited Children Web Site, there are some simple rules about child safety that should be followed. The first and most basic rule is: know where your child is, or should be, at all times. It is also useful if parents identify to their children the people who can help them if they become lost. Never ever, as I have heard some parents do when their child is misbehaving in public, point at a police officer and say 'Behave yourself or they'll take you away!' Children need to be wary of strangers but also know that there are key people who will help them.
Q: Do you think television could play a much bigger role in telling young children that 'running away' will not solve their problems? A: EastEnders recently had a storyline about a 15-year-old character who went missing. (I am told - I don't watch the programme). I can remember children in drama programmes discussing running away or going off briefly when there are problems at home. This is important. Teenagers do sometimes need a bit of space or need help and support. The message is that they should seek this through people they can, or should, be able to trust. The essential thing is that they let their parents know they are safe - if they are. The National Missing Persons Helpline message home service gives a freephone contact number that can be a 'go-between' contact point. The number is 0800 700740.
Q: What's worse for a child: living in an abusive relationship with those that are meant to protect it or living on the streets? A: A child needs to be in a caring environment. This will never be found on the streets. I have worked for many years with the Social Services and other caring agencies and the Victoria Climbie case is exceptional. I have known children get real help and support to have a better life through many routes. It is rare that a child has no-one to turn to. A trusted teacher, a friend's parent, a grandmother, aunt or whatever will be better than life on the streets. One of the real issues around missing children is that it is actually illegal for shelters to take in young people. There are only two hostels in the whole country offering a total of 18 bed spaces for children under 17 years. This needs to be addressed. If a child is in an abusive situation, and there is a lack of trust in government agencies, the Children's Society, NSPCC, Barnardos and others can offer a route to help. The route to help is unlikely to be found on the street where both girls and boys can become involved in crime, sexual exploitation and other dangers.
Q: What support is available for parents with missing children? A: In some missing child cases, the police will provide a key support worker to liaise with the family. In any case, the police will maintain regular contact. The National Missing Persons Helpline also provides support to those left behind through their freephone advice line (0500 700700). I have worked with NMPH for years and they do brilliant work with the families of the missing (both adults and children). If it is a family abduction, Reunite can provide support and legal advice to the parent (020 7375 3440).
Q: I am glad that there are people like you who can do such work and your entire team has my admiration, but even thinking about it makes my blood run cold. Who do YOU turn to for help and support? A: Thank you for your kind thoughts. The problem is not such that we have to cope with it on exactly a daily basis. And there are support systems. I should say as well that the work is extremely satisfying. I hope through uk.missingkids.com (UK Missing and Exploited Children Web Site) to have a lot of good news stories to balance out the tragedies. The site has found half the children it has featured.
Q: I have a five-year-old and a three-year-old. I worry if they are out of my sight. Sometimes I think I am too restricting with my children. Where do you draw the line? A: Being a parent is a difficult balancing act. I have three teenagers and know what you are going through. The important thing is to assess the risk. We took the route of gradually building up our children's street education. When they are a bit older, let them go in a shop alone to buy something while you wait outside. If you have a park that they can reach without crossing a road then that could be a goal to work towards them going alone (not for a few years obviously). A few cases have had a huge impact on parental confidence. We all hugged our children a little tighter when we heard what happened to Sarah Payne and the Jamie Bulger case was horrific. These are the exceptions, though. Children are safe in general society most of the time if simple rules are followed.
Q: Do you have any strategies to aid in finding children? Parent's need updating on things to do. A: The important thing when thinking of children's safety is to know them well. Encourage them to bring friends home so you know who they associate with. Talk to your children and ensure they know that they can share their troubles and concerns with you. Please remember that most children who go missing turn up very quickly. The better you know your child, the quicker it is likely to be that they are found if they do wander off.
Q: When a child goes missing, what are the guidelines you follow? Is there a timescale involved? A: When a child is reported missing, the police will take urgent action, particularly if the child is very young. When a child is missing for an extended time, many investigative options will be considered, one of which will be the UK Missing and Exploited Children Web Site, uk.missingkids.com. There are no hard and fast rules about a child being featured except that it must be with the full consent of the officer dealing with the case and the family. We have featured cases within hours and also have cases that are years old. In the latter case, we can use age progression to create a picture of how the child may look now. The key advantage of the website is that it means that a child's picture can be publicised to police and the public anywhere very quickly. Police computers do not have the same image capability yet.
Q: I have a little boy who is six and I dread to think what would happen if he just disappeared one day. What can we do to educate our children against this? What can we do to help the children who are already out there? A: The important thing when educating a child on safety issues is to make them know that they can tell you about themselves safely. If you have a caring relationship with your child, you will see danger signals early and react to them. In terms of those who are on the streets, it is not easy to generalise. I know when I was a young PC on the beat that many of the 'street people' have interesting and sometimes tragic stories to tell. Many of them gain a lot from people treating them as real people. If you see a young person on the street, it may well be worth mentioning this to the police. Any young person on the streets is at risk even if they are there by choice.
Q: Why don't we have more Stranger Danger education in our schools? A: Schools do have a role to play in educating about Stranger Danger and most areas have a set programme. It depends on the school and the local police officers when this is given as a programme. Personal safety is actually part of the national curriculum in PSE at primary level. The most important educator of children will always be the parent. Talk to your children about the issues. Take an interest in their lives so you know their friends and what they do.
Q: Recently there was a story about a man who tried to snatch a baby from under the mother's nose. Having a nine-month-old son, I am too scared to go out alone because of this. A: The instance you talk of is very, very unusual. From my experience, what may have happened is that person was perhaps someone with mental health issues who did not realise the panic that his actions would cause. If, as you say, you are scared to go out alone, it is very important that you talk to your health visitor or your parent or a friend about your concern. You must not feel the need to restrict yourself in this way. However you may want to look for a bit of support to get you back out there, confident that you and your baby are safe. It may help your confidence if you use restrainer straps on the baby attached to the buggy. It is important that you deal with this issue now as, as your child gets older, it is important that you do not stifle them and over-restrict their freedom. This can lead to rebellion and them running away, which is precisely what you do not want. Why not chat with other iVillagers about child safety on the Your Child's Safetymessage board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions happening right now on the board:
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