Foster parents Pat and Hereward Kaye look at play therapy and how it can help children in care.

Children – and particularly young children – don’t have the vocabulary to be able to express themselves and say what they really mean and feel; but, through play, they can often show us.

Play gives children autonomy: they set the rules. And some children in foster care find that special help through play therapy enables them to develop a sense of self-esteem and an awareness of themselves.

What therapists call ‘non-directive play therapy’ centres solely on the child, helping them to make connections between events in their life and to understand these events. The therapy is non-directive in that the child leads and the therapist follows.

In the same way that a mother watches and understands her child’s behaviour, and learns to respond to his or her needs, so the therapist enters the child’s world. The therapist watches what the child does and interprets its actions in terms of their knowledge of that child. At no time must the child feel he or she is being judged, evaluated or interrogated in any way. The therapist must respect and accept the child unconditionally.

Interpreting play
Play therapy focuses on the child as a person, rather than on any specific problem or behavioural difficulty the child may have. The skill of the therapist is in interpreting the underlying meaning or symbolism behind a child’s play. If, for example, a child is using building blocks, building one on top of another and then knocking them down, the therapist has to decide whether this is a form of anger and frustration or an exhibition of mastery and control. There are many different interpretations that can be attached to any one action. The therapist has to test each one and see where it leads.

The playroom
Usually the therapist works with the child away from its home. The playroom where the therapy takes place is carefully designed to provide a safe environment and surroundings – furnished with a range of toys – which put the child at ease. Each week the therapist will want to spend time here with the child, for as many weeks as the work needs to continue.

The regularity of the session insulates the child from fears and anxieties, allowing them to play naturally and express their true selves as fully as possible. What is actually in the room in terms of toys is not important, just as long as there is access to the same toys week in, week out. At the end of a session, the therapist will note how every item in the room has been left, in order to recreate the scene for the beginning of the next session. It’s all part of setting a predictable pattern.

Lucy’s case
Play therapy is not a magical cure but, in our experience, it can turn things round. When we fostered Lucy she was seven years old. She had lived through a childhood devoid of love and care, and the abuse and neglect she suffered had never allowed her to experience a proper transition from babyhood to childhood. As a result, Lucy had temper tantrums and anxieties normally associated with a much younger child.

Through play therapy, Lucy was allowed to be a baby and go through the transitional stages necessary for her emotional well-being and development. During play she drank from a baby’s bottle, she sucked a dummy and enjoyed sand and water play. This lasted for about a month. Then, of her own accord, she ignored the baby’s bottle and the dummy and moved on to activities more appropriate for her age. It was evident from Lucy’s subsequent behaviour that play therapy had enabled her to develop. The temper tantrums and anxious behaviour diminished considerably as a result.

The life-story approach
Another approach to behavioural problems focuses on a child’s life story. For a child in care, who has had many moves and many placements from an early age, tracing their life story can help them a great deal. Half the time, children in care cannot remember where they’ve been, who they’ve lived with, where they went to school or even what their natural parents were like. With each new placement comes a new set of values, a new set of ‘rights and wrongs’. It’s no wonder the child is confused.

Gathering up photos, memorabilia, documents, certificates, school reports and favourite things and putting them into chronological order helps to give a sequence to the past and demystify it. Idealistic fantasies about natural parents become more realistic, helping children to understand their lives and fostering a sense of identity and direction. The process also helps them come to terms with rejection from their birth parents and understand why they are in care.

It is an important part of being a carer to help piece together the jigsaw of a child’s past life, while remembering to forge memories of the present: memories for the child to take with them through life, to remind them of the positive experience of being part of your family.