Baby naming and ceremonies: iVillage

Naming and ceremonies

The complete lowdown on naming your baby

The following extract is taken from Harden's London Baby Book 2002/03 by Kate Calvert and reproduced by kind permission.

1. Registering a birth
All births, including stillbirths, must be registered within 42 days at the Registry Office of the district where the child was born. If this is difficult for any reason you can go to another registry office in England or Wales which will then forward the information. Offices generally run on an appointment basis, so it is advisable to call ahead.A short copy certificate is issued free of charge showing the baby's forenames and surname, sex, date of birth and district of birth. A full copy of the birth certificate detailing the parents is available for an extra fee. It will be more expensive if you want to obtain this at a later date.

Who needs to attend?

Married parents - If the parents are married, either the mother or father can register the baby.
Unmarried parents - If the parents are not married, the father's details can only be entered in the register and/or the baby be given a different surname from the mother's, if the father attends the registration with the mother.
If the father is unable to attend, he can make a statutory declaration confirming he is the father and the mother should then produce this document for the registrar. Copies of the appropriate form for this can be obtained from any registrar. If the mother is unable to attend the office with the father then together they can make a statutory declaration confirming the name of the father, which the father should then produce for the registrar.If unmarried parents subsequently marry, the birth must be re-registered.

Making a correction or change
Corrections and amendments (including a change of mind regarding your child's forename) to a birth certificate may be made for the first twelve months of your baby's life. Write to the Corrections & Re-registration Section of the General Registry Office.

Useful contacts

Family Records Centre, (0151) 471 4800. This London office can also provide duplicate birth certificates: full certificate £6.50; priority service £22.50. Available by phone, or just turn up. Hours Mon, Wed, Fri 9am-5pm; Tue 10am-7pm; Thu 9am-7pm; Sat 9.30am-5pm.
©Text 2002 Kate Calvert; Listings ©2002 Kate Calvert & Harden's Ltd
General Register Office, (0151) 471 4800, www.statistics.gov.uk. For corrections and amendments to a birth certificate, write to the Corrections & Re-registration Section, Room D209 at the address in the index, or call (0151) 471 4806. Duplicate birth certificates may be obtained from PO Box 2 at the same address, £11 (or £8 if the Office for National Statistics or ONS reference is supplied); extra copies, £6.50. A priority service is available for urgently-required certificates (£27, £24 with ONS reference). The office where you registered the birth may be able to provide duplicates up to around three months after registration for £3.50.

2. Choosing a name
It's worth checking your baby's chosen name for any unfortunate meanings of the initials (e.g. WC) and unfortunate combinations (such as Master Dwayne Pipe). Try out all the possible nicknames too.
Most bookshops hold a stock of name dictionaries. Specialist books are also available, if you are searching for a specific ethnic origin of name - Celtic or African, for example.
A few of the more commonplace titles are listed here.

Useful contacts

Baby Names, www.babynames.com A US website with over 15,000 names; searches can be done by initial letter, whole name or meaning. A name search service (20 Dollars) aims to provide a match for a host of criteria: ethnic preferences, phonetic considerations (e.g. alliterative names), desired style (trendy, traditional, biblical) and so on.
DF Creations, www.dfcreations.comDownloadable US software that aims to help you find a suitable name for your baby "quickly and easily" with advice on avoiding undesirable initials and name combinations: (20 Dollars).

Dictionaries of names:

35,000+ Baby Names - Bruce Lansky (Meadowbrook Press; 1995; £4.95; 088166216X)
7000 Baby Names - Hilary Spence (Classic & modern; Foulsham; 2000; £4.99; 0572026471)
Baby Names Around the World - Bruce Lansky (Meadowbrook Press; 1999; £7.95; 0-881663-29-8) - Over 50,000 names from around the world, indexed by country and ethnicity of origin; lists of the most popular names since the 1880s; advice on making up a new name and points to consider when naming your child.
Collins Pocket Reference Book of First Names - HarperCollins (HarperCollins; 1996; £6.99; 0004709411) - Reliable histories and interpretations.
The New Virgin Book of Baby Names - Emily Wood (Virgin; 2000; £5.99; 0753504065)

3. Announcing the birth
A written announcement is not necessary but can add a certain weight to the occasion. You may wish to use a traditional format, or one of the many modern styles available, including those sold at most high street stationers. Specialist suppliers may also offer a printed announcement service.

Stationery

Announce it!
General enquiries, (020) 8286 4044, 46 Oldfield Rd TW12 2AE. Jolly designs which can be custom-lasered with your text in a variety of fonts; cheaper than printing, if not quite as smart; designs range from traditional to modern, for birth announcements and naming ceremonies; cost (including envelopes) is from £25 for 25 cards.

Boz, Bam & Bump Productions
6 Ellora Rd London SW16 6JF, (020) 8677 5680. Home visits (generally in south west London) are often made to decide on the desired style: text, graphics, cartoons, size, fold, etc; dual language cards available; will address and post them for you: £25 for 50 simple cards, up to £70. Hours 9.30am-6pm, 24hr answerphone.

BT BabyGram Birth Announcement Service(0800) 190190, www.telemessage.co.uk. An 'announce the baby' service - supply details pre-birth of all those you want to send an announcement card to, then contact BT after the birth and they will despatch in the next first class post; choice of three types of stationery - designs can be viewed on the website; £9.99 for ten addresses in the UK; extra addresses thereafter 85p each, including the stationery and postage.

Celebration Books
PO Box 44, Truro Cornwall TR1 2WH, (01872) 264421. Personalised stationery - gold on white & Christening invitations start at £20 for 25. Hours - Mon-Fri 9am-6pm, sometimes Sat.

Chatterbox Cards
PO Box 142, Beckenham Kent BR3 6ZL, (020) 8650 8650, www.chatterboxcards.com. Birth announcement cards: choose from 13 styles and six typefaces; proof on request; can post within three working days of receipt of order; 25 cards cost £29.50; also invitations and Christening cards. / Hours - Mon-Fri 9am-5pm or 24hr answerphone.

Happy Hands
7 Brockwell Park Row London SW2 2YH
(020) 7730 5544, www.happyhands.ws. The same methodology used by this company to make ceramic tiles with a baby's hand or footprints (see Portraits), can also be used to transfer the same print to birth announcements, cards or T-shirts. Hours - Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm.

Heritage Personalised Stationery
The Cross, Upper Farringdon Hampshire GU34 3DT
(01256) 861738, www.heritage-stationery.com
Hand-printed birth announcement cards quality card in black on white or cream with pale blue, pink or ivory bow. 3-4 working days for delivery. 50 cards hand-ribboned with envelopes £65; 100 for £90. Hours - Mon-Fri am, 24hr answerphone.

Riancraft
5 Croydon House, 1 Peall Rd Croydon CR0 3EX, (020) 8665 0328. Traditional printed cards with motifs including teddies, cribs or storks; decoration options (borders or gold and silver blocking); from £5-£40 for 25, depending on design. Hours - Mon-Fri 8am-6pm.

4. Ceremonies

Given that birth is a rite of passage for parents, grandparents and even siblings of the new arrival, there can be a strong urge to mark this with some kind of formal occasion. There is a variety of options, both traditional and of the DIY variety.

Baptism (or Christening)
In both Anglican and Roman Catholic churches a baptism may be held as a stand-alone ceremony for one or a number of children, or may be incorporated into a morning service. Which type of ceremony is used will depend on usual practice at the local church and the parents' wishes.

Some form of donation is usually expected and if the church offers some form of blessing certificate there may be an extra charge for this.

Church of England
One in four children in the UK are still baptised into the Church of England. (Some priests now favour the older word baptism, over the more modern christening.)

It is a good idea to start planning in reasonably good time if you want your baby baptised while still a baby rather than a toddler. Church schedules can become booked up, so consult the local clergy sooner rather than later.Preparation is now usual before a baptism. This may take the form of a one-off meeting to discuss the spiritual implications of the service, or can run to a series of meetings.

The church normally requires at least three godparents: two of the same sex as the child and one of the opposite sex. Parents can also be godparents (who technically speaking should be baptised and confirmed members of the church).If you have mixed feelings about making the full baptismal promises on behalf of your child then consider the possibility of a service of Thanksgiving, which is offered by some churches. The congregation gives thanks for the birth and there is a similar service for use after adoption. This route leaves open the option of baptism at a later date.

Catholic church
Having approached your priest, you will generally be invited to take part in a course of meetings to ensure parents understand fully the implications for their child of having them baptised into the Catholic faith.Canon law proscribes the giving of names "foreign to a Christian mentality". However since 1983 there is no longer a requirement for a saint's name to be used.

It is usual to have one male and one female godparent. Both these people should technically speaking be Catholic, the participation of a non-Catholic being restricted to the role of witness to a Catholic sponsor. In practice it seems that the rules are sometimes bent in this regard. At minimum one godparent is required by the baptism ceremony and that person must be Catholic.

Jewish ceremonies
Ceremonies can take place in the synagogue or at home, and are different for boys and girls. Relatives and friends can attend the naming - one chair is traditionally left empty, for Elijah the prophet to witness the occasion. The child's kvaterin, (the Jewish equivalent of a godmother) and kvater (godfather) are symbolically involved in the ceremony. Names are usually chosen to honour deceased members of the family, and it is usual for each child to be given a Hebrew name (by which they will be addressed when in the synagogue) as well as a secular name. The Hebrew name may be simply a translation of the secular name, or a completely different one.

The ceremony for boys, brit milah, or bris, takes place on the eighth day after the birth. Blessings and prayers accompany a naming ceremony, which is followed by the circumcision. Circumcision is carried out by the mohel.Girls can be named on the eighth or fifteenth day after their birth. The ceremony is called brit habat, and involves just blessings, prayers and the naming ceremony. Both naming ceremonies are followed by a traditional Hebrew meal.Many traditional rituals surround the pregnancy and birth of Jewish children: on the first Sabbath after the birth, family and friend gather to say prayers, and there may also be a 'Redemption of the Firstborn' ceremony, 30 days after the birth.

Reading

The Complete book of Hebrew Baby Names - Smadar Shir Sidi (More than 5,000 traditional and contemporary Hebrew names for your baby; HarperCollins; 1999; £10.95; 0062548506)

Hindu ceremonies
Traditions vary widely from sect to sect. Usually, a priest prays when the baby is born (to bless the soul, wish for good health and to give thanks to God); and there may also be a naming ceremony (namkaran). Both ceremonies involve a fire (havan - usually contained in a metal pot) and may be carried out at the temple or at home.Gifts are expected for the priest along with donations to the poor and/or the temple and/or other deserving causes. There is also generally some kind of party.

At either a year or three years old, there may be a further ceremony, unrelated to the naming called mundan. This involves shaving the child's head and may take place at home, or at somewhere of religious significance (for example, Haridwan, a key point on the Ganges).

Useful contacts
Hindu Baby Names - A Kaushik (Star Publications; 1999; £4.95; 8186264574)

Muslim ceremonies
The naming of the child itself (al-Tasmiya) does not take place at any particular ceremony. A name should, however, be decided upon by the seventh day after the birth. At that time it is traditional for there to be a slaughter (Aqeequah) - two sheep for a boy and one for a girl - and there may be a meal to which guests are invited. The seventh day is also the traditional day for boys to be circumcised (al-Khitaan).

After the Aqueeqah, it is traditional to shave the baby's head (al-Halq) and for the value of the weight of the shorn hair in silver to be given to the poor.

Useful contacts
Muslim nameswww.muslim-names.co.uk. Listings and meanings of Muslim names, together with a bulletin board for asking questions about them.
Talk Islamwww.talkislam.com. One of the links from the home page leads to a comprehensive page of links on all aspects of naming.

Secular ceremonies
With the decline in religious faith in the UK, a number of new parents are opting for non-religious events organised to reflect concepts of personal importance to the parents. These are relevant if you are dubious for example about promising to train your child in the practice of the relevant faith. In this event godparents tend to be renamed 'supporting adults' or 'mentors'.

It can be helpful to clarify the purpose of a secular ceremony - welcoming the child, naming her, making a public affirmation of the commitment of parents and any other adults, to her welfare, or all three.Given that most parents do not have experience of officiating at such events a celebrant with experience of one comes in handy.

Local authority ceremonies
At the time of going to press, a scheme is being piloted in England that will lead to local authorities offering civil naming ceremonies, in the same way that they offer civil weddings. Brent, Barnet, Bromley and Kingston are among the London authorities in the trial scheme. Currently, the ceremony does not have any legal status, and does not need to be attended by a registrar, although this may change if the scheme is adopted nationwide. The standard ceremony script can be added to or embellished by the parents, and the ceremony can take place in a number of specified venues.

Reading
The Dead Good Book of Baby Naming Ceremonies - Jonathan How (Engineers of Imagination; 1999; £7.50; 0-952715-92-9) - How to design and organise your own ceremony. / Edge of Time Ltd - (07000) 780536.Rites and Ceremonies - Kate Gordon (Constable; 1998; £6.99; 0094787808) - Suggested forms of words, readings and wordings for ceremonies; compares the approaches of different religions (including Celtic and pagan ones).

Useful contacts

Baby Naming Society, (01905) 371070. This charity (founded in 1994) helps those parents who do not wish for a religious naming or blessing to produce a pledge of continuing support for their children. The society produces a guide with a 'pick and mix' menu to help parents formulate a formal or informal event. (The society recommends more formality for larger events, where there is a danger that a sense of disorganisation may make those present feel uncomfortable.) The price of the guide (currently #30) includes a tailor-made programme for guests, a certificate for the parents and sponsors to sign and the ceremony script. The society worked with the Home Office in planning the script for the local authority naming ceremony scheme. Hours - Mon-Fri 9am-5pm, or answerphone.

The British Humanist Association, (020) 7430 0908 www.humanism.org.uk. Founded in the 1960s (by organisations dating back to the 1890s), this registered charity is the largest British humanist organisation, and the co-founder of the European Humanist Federation. The organisation champions the rights and beliefs of the non-religious community, promotes secular education and produces humanist literature. A 36-page booklet, New Arrivals (£4 including p&p) contains ideas of prose, poetry readings and music to use at a non-religious baby naming ceremony. The association can provide a celebrant to conduct the ceremony. The fee is negotiable but might be around £80. Celebrants are usually between 40 and 70 years old and there are marginally more women than men. Hours - Mon-Fri 9.30am-5pm.

General Assembly of Unitarian & Free Christian Churches, (020) 7240 2384 www.unitarian.org.uk. Although they are part of the Christian tradition, ministers aim to help create a service that reflects the values and hopes of the people involved and are normally happy to incorporate elements from different faiths or to do something entirely new; often services are in the location of the parents' choice. Contact the Assembly for details of a local minister, or the telephone directory should list ministers, under 'Unitarian'. Fees are around £30 and generally include a consultation.

The Humanist Centre, (020) 7430 0908. The main humanist organisations in the UK share offices at this London centre: contact then to receive details about all the organisations, from the International Humanist & Ethical Society to the Gay & Lesbian Humanist Association, many of whom will be able to offer advice about secular naming ceremonies.

LifeRites, (01994) 484527, www.liferites.org. This non-profit organisation can provide celebrants for any type of ceremony; individual spiritual beliefs are respected without judgement; cost £85 including booking fee, plus travel expenses; fee includes a planning meeting to draft and discuss the ceremony.

Welfare State International, (01229) 581127, www.welfare-state.org. "Engineers of the imagination" is how this firm describes itself. Publishers of the Dead Good Guide to Namings and Baby Welcoming Ceremonies, it also runs courses on how to run your own celebration. It will even help create tailor-made ceremonies including food, music, ceremonial objects and "enhancing the chosen site". Phone advice is backed up by the book. Prices for a ceremony in London would start from around £200. / HOURS Tue-Fri 10am-5pm, 24hr answerphone; publications The Dead Good Guide to Namings & Baby Welcoming Ceremonies (£7.50 +p&p); plus similar books on other ceremonies.