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Have a happy attitude to life and you'll cope with its ups and downs
Happy mind
Your state of mind hinges not on what happens to you, but how you respond to a particular event or happening. Some of the happiest people also face some of the biggest problems. If you think and feel happy you'll be able to cope with whatever life throws at you.
Feel happy about yourself
Self-esteem is a cornerstone of contentment and feeling good about yourself is the most effective strategy for life-long happiness. If you want to be happy:
Rethink the past. You may have received childhood messages that you were bad, naughty, fat, ugly or unpopular. But childhood messages get distorted, and in any case are not true about you as an adult. Take a clear look at yourself now and decide, once and for all, to forget those past negative messages. Remember: you are who you are and you are wonderful.
Let others be kind to you. If you're low in self-esteem, you'll find it impossible to register the numerous ways in which the world tells you you're wonderful. You'll think you don't deserve compliments. Start being open to that smile from a friend, that thank you from your partner, those hugs from your children. Stop and note these statements of others' belief in you - receive their compliments and allow yourself to believe you're worth it.
Be kind to yourself. Let's say someone close to you was beating themselves up over a situation. You'd support and comfort them and remind them of all the things they did right. Do the same for yourself and give yourself a mental pat on the back whenever you do well, a sympathetic word when you feel bad and a round of applause for a good try. Reward yourself with treats - at least one thing a day that you enjoy that's just for you.
More resources:
How to Be Your Own Best Friend by Dr Paul Hauck (Sheldon Press)
Visit the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy website for details of counsellors in your area who can help you raise your esteem.
Understand your emotions
To live a full life, you need to experience your emotions - be they positive ones like joy and enthusiasm or negative ones like fear and anger. If you want to be happy:
Admit it when you feel bad. If you try to ignore your negative emotions they'll just bounce back again. Treat these emotions as you would a needy child: acknowledge their presence, be kind to them, give them some attention. It may seem as though you are indulging your negative feelings, but if you give them respect, they will slowly dissipate.
Release your emotions safely. If negative feelings build up, suppressing them can lead to depression or even physical illness. If you feel sad, have a good howl. Nervous, take ten deep breaths. Angry, have a good shout.
Be assertive. When you feel negative about a friend, family member or partner, don't fall into the trap of aiming your negativity in their direction. It never helps and will always create more bad feeling. Instead, learn to be more assertive, via a book or a local evening class, and make your point clearly.
More resources
Stand Up for Your Life by Cheryl Richardson (Bantam Press)
Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky (Guildford Press)
Handle life's challenges
You may think it's tricky to be contented if you suffer setbacks in your life. Not so. It's how you handle these difficulties that makes the difference. If you want to be happy:
React positively. If something happens to you, then the way you think about it is crucial. Do you exaggerate what's negative? Do you minimise what's positive? Try to calm and balance disastrous thoughts and catch yourself when you think the worst, particularly about yourself. Try to spot where you are misinterpreting the evidence - and actively explore whether your negative thinking is based on true information.
Be realistic. No one's perfect - not even you. But you can give yourself a really hard time if you expect perfection. Instead, aim high but not so high that you're always going to fail. If you do fall short of a goal, rather than beating yourself up, tell yourself what you did well, what you learned - and then you will improve next time.
Take action. Happy people tackle problems head on rather than letting them ride or believing that there's nothing to be done. If faced with a difficulty, don't feel paralysed, do something about it. If that solution doesn't work, try a different approach. If that doesn't work, then get more resources and keep trying.
More resources
Shortcuts to Getting a Life by Gael Lindenfield (HarperCollins, £4.99)Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers (Rider,£6.99) Visit the British Association for Behavioural and Cognitive Therapy website for help in making your thinking positive.
Introducing The Happiness Workshop:
Quiz: The Happiness Test
Week one: Happy body
Week two: Happy mind
Week three: Happy interactions
Week four: Happy life
Message board: Get happy
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