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Happy relationships are the secret of contentment. Create a positive social network
Happy interactions
Research suggests that contented people have rewarding interactions. They have strong friendships, good family lives, good love lives and high job satisfaction. Most importantly, if they need help, they ask for support fast.
Positive relationships
Look around at the people you're close to - your friends, family, loving partner. Make sure your relationships with them are the best you can create. If you want to be happy:
Treat people well. Give one hundred per cent to the people you mix with. Make regular contact through emails, by telephone and with cards, if not face-to-face. Make time to socialise with and support your friends. Be proactive in getting people together - if you're no good at throwing parties, then organise a get-together at a local restaurant. Be nice. Never badmouth, whinge or complain; encourage people when they are doing well, offer a shoulder to cry on where needed. Remember, what you give out in life will be what you get back.
Build love in your life. A good partnership is one of the key elements of a happy life - but typically, love creates as many challenges as it provides solutions. Many couples break up because partners don't realise that a good relationship takes work. Don't expect daily bliss from love - instead, steadily build trust, communication and good feeling. If you hit real problems, then quickly seek professional help. Counsellors regularly sigh, 'If only that client had come to me earlier, we could have saved their relationship...'
Let go when it's time. Many relationships - friendships and partnerships run past their sell-by date before people are willing to let go. Try to weed out the people who aren't on the same wavelength as you and any pessimistic or needy friends that drain your energy. Of course, there will be some people whom you have to keep up with, but aim to give yourself more quality time with compatible people. If you find you lack support or do not have many like-minded friends, network to meet the right people.
More resources
Love Coach (£6.99 plus p&p, ring Vine House Publications 01825 723398, credit card orders only)
Relate: Moving on by Suzy Hayman (Vermilion)
Visit the Relate website for details of local counsellors
Making life work
Nowadays we spend increasing amounts of time at work - and define ourselves more and more by the work we do. So don't undermine your happiness with a job you don't enjoy or which doesn't boost your self-esteem. If you want to be happy:
Get the right job. Whether you're in employment or caring for your children, you will spend at least a third of your time working. If you're unhappy, something needs to change. Do you need better working conditions? Do you want a different job spec? Do you need more training or support? Be proactive, if necessary, getting professional career advice from a mentor or employment guidance service.
Have the right attitude. However great your work, with the wrong approach, you can make it miserable. On the other hand, even if your job is awful, you can improve your day by brightening your approach. Look to the positive, work on feeling good about yourself and let that spin out onto your job. If things get bad, don't whinge. You will gain more respect from management and feel better about yourself if you improve your own performance or assertively ask for improvements.
Look to the long term. Career strategies aren't just for City high-flyers. Everyone, including mums, need to have a career development plan. So take some time out to imagine where you're going to be and what you'll be doing in five years time. Then work backwards, sorting out the steps you need to take in order to get there. If going back to work - or owning the firm - by 2007 means taking a course now, get moving right away.
More resources
See the Parenting channel for family support.
For career advice and support, see the Work & Career channel
What Color Is Your Parachute by Richard Nelson Bolles (Ten Speed Press)
Attitude Is Everything by Keith Harrell (Vermilion)
Set up a support system
You can't always cope alone. Sometimes life can overwhelm you and you will need extra resources and the support of others. If you want to be happy:
Don't hold back from getting help. There's a feeling in our society that people who ask for support are wimps. Nonsense! Successful people are actually more likely to ask for help - and to use that help productively. Make a list of all the people in your life who you have supported you. Then broaden the list to include those you could ask, but haven't yet. If your final list is short, then actively work on developing your social circle. For more support read self-help books, attend courses and weekend workshops.
Exchange support. Getting help is great - but not if you only ever get and never give. If you help others, you will often find that your own problems slide into perspective, or you realise how to solve them. Set up mutual arrangements with friends and colleagues so that you help them and they in turn help you. This will keep the exchange in support balanced.
Feel good about calling in the professionals. There are many experts out there who can help and there's no shame in calling on them. Whether it's a doctor, solicitor, image consultant or counsellor, you don't need to cope alone. Today's society is so fragmented that no one can, and no one should be expected to do everything themselves. Trawl the web for professional organisations, find your nearest expert and use their expertise.
More resources
Networking: The Art of Making More Friends by Carole Stone (Vermilion)
Living Magically by Gill Edwards (Piatkus)
Visit the Relate website for details of local counsellors.
Visit the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy website for details of counsellors in your area who can help you with all kinds of emotional problems.
Introducing The Happiness Workshop:
Quiz: The Happiness Test
Week one: Happy body
Week two: Happy mind
Week three: Happy interactions
Week four: Happy life
Message board: Get happy
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