When the going gets tough and the pressure is on, it's not necessarily the talented ones who rise to the challenge. It's the ones who love themselves. Learn how to love yourself with these five tips fromThe 10-minute Life Coach by Fiona Harrold
1. Love you
Why not? If not, then who? And why not? Aren't you loveable? Of course you are. You'd better believe it. You have to see it, otherwise you'll never feel truly good in your own skin. Right here, right now, make the decision to appreciate yourself more, give credit where it's due, talk yourself up. Cultivate kindness, compassion and respect - for you. Face the truth. You came into this world on your own and you'll leave it on your own. At some point in between it makes sense to get comfortable with yourself. It's your life. At the end of it you'll answer to yourself - you'll hold yourself accountable so it's best to start doing it now. Don't ever demean or demoralize yourself in public or private. Talk yourself up. Drop false modesty. Speak only well of yourself. Exclude self-assurance.
2. Change the record.
Whose opinions, thoughts, beliefs are stuck in your mind? If they're not yours and they're of no value to you, don't hold onto them. You're a grown up now. You can think your own thoughts. You can choose what to give room to. It doesn't matter how long some stuff has been there. If it's toxic, get rid of it.
Write down this statement: 'What I learned about myself from my mother/father was.' List all the main messages from each parent and asterisk the ones that leave you feeling uneasy about yourself. Repeat this with all principal players of your upbringing. Enough is enough. Draw a line under the stuff that is clearly pure nonsense, spoken in heat, ignorance, spite or jealousy, but that has lodged with you. See it for what it is. Decide right now to stop giving a home to this garbage. Starve it of attention. Laugh at it. Stop taking it seriously, Only you know the truth. Only you get to decide what to believe about you. You're a work in progress. Write: 'I now choose to see myself as?' and make a list as long as you like. Be yourself. Be whoever you like. You decide. Then live it.
3. Reasons to like yourself.
Liking yourself is your birthright. Maintaining it requires momentum. Continually give yourself good reasons to like yourself. Remind yourself who you really are. Be everything you desire and admire in others, yourself. This requires right thinking and right action. Keep on acquiring more evidence to sustain your conviction. Right now, draw up a list, 'Reasons to like myself'; include character traits and specific actions you are proud of yourself for. Think about future actions that you can take to ensure continued flow of goodwill towards others and, thereby, yourself.
4. Enjoy yourself.
Come on, when was the last time you took yourself out to lunch, or did something special just for you? Spoil yourself. Spend some quality time with you. Wine and dine yourself. Think about you. What would be fun for you? Do you know how to enjoy yourself? Chill out with your new best friend - you! Discover your hidden depths, your likes and dislikes. What makes you tick? Get some strong opinions. Entertain yourself. If you don't find yourself good company, how can others? Treat yourself well, but above all, treat yourself.
5. Look cared for.
You'll give off a far better air about yourself. Pay attention to presentation. How looked after and cared for do you look? Grooming speak volumes. Look immaculate. Smell divine. Wear great underwear. Get 'the look'. Buy the sharpest haircut you can afford. Stay with it. Last season's must-have item was cutting-edge then. Appearances matter. Keep up. Don't look neglected. If you have no pride, nobody will give it to you.
Extracted from The 10-minute Life Coach: Fast-working Strategies for a Brand New You by Fiona Harrold (Hodder and Stoughton, 2002)
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