Stop problem behaviour before it starts

The old saying 'prevention is better than cure' is never truer than when dealing with children. Jo Douglas, author of Toddler Troubles gives advice on how to prevent your child's behaviour problem before it gets out of hand

The first steps are:

  • learning to anticipate your children's behaviour
  • working out how to avoid the potential problem

Anticipation means learning about your child's behaviour by watching him. See how he plays and how long for with any toy. What attracts him to touch and play with things? Are they noisy? Are they new? Does he need your help and guidance to help him play? Does he try to break things or take them apart? How quickly does he get bored? Watch how he reacts in various places: the supermarket, someone else's house. Once you know how your child behaves, you can start to anticipate what is going to happen - so you will be prepared.

Be watchful
Anticipation is also helped by watching your preschooler all of the time. If he is out of your sight for ten minutes then he is likely to be exploring and chances are that he is getting himself into trouble. It is a fact of life that you can no longer have a bath, or even go to the toilet, without knowing where your toddler is and what he is doing - and that's even when he's in there with you!

Even if your partner takes the responsibility of watching your toddler, it can still be very tiring because you can never totally relax. That's why having your first child can be so tiring - when you have more than one, the older child will often tell you if his little brother is doing something that he shouldn't!

Be prepared
To avoid problems, use the knowledge you've stored by watching your child and understanding his stage of development. Make the home environment safe and child-proof: remove plants and electrical equipment off the floor when your baby starts crawling; use stair gates to prevent him going up and down stairs when you are not looking; put child-proof locks on kitchen cupboards.

When you are out and about, have toys and food and drinks to use as distractions if your child is getting bored sitting in the buggy. Talk to him to involve him in your activities; sing songs to engage him and keep him happy. Keep shopping trips short - don't expect him to sit happily for an hour in the buggy while you look at dresses.

An old study watched mothers with their preschoolers in supermarkets (Holden, 1983). It showed that were three different types of mothers. Some would shout at their children, telling them off when they started to misbehave. Another group would distract their children once they started to be difficult, and the third group avoided problems by talking to their children and involving them in the shopping. The mothers who were able to anticipate the problems and avoid them before they even started had the least problem. But the mothers who shouted had the greatest difficulty and their children made the greatest number of demands on them.

Be patient
This study helps to prove that parental behaviour has a marked impact on how children behave. Their learning is rapid, so your child will be fully aware that you have something in your bag for him if that is a technique of distraction that you have used before. He will shout and demand sweets and crisps if you have quietened him with those previously. He will run off if he thinks he can get you to chase him and have a game. But if you see shopping as more of a joint activity in which your child participates, rather than sitting quietly while you get on, you will find that he will stay calmer for longer. He will still eventually get bored as he doesn't want to look at the things that you want to look at; but you can buy yourself some time without any whingeing and crying.

This is a strong positive parenting method as it creates a positive relationship between you and your child. You are thinking of your child's needs and interests while also doing what you want to do. He feels involved and enjoys the attention and chat. He learns to observe things in his environment. You can guide his attention, expand his vocabulary and provide learning experiences.

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Excerpted with permission of the publisher John Wiley & Sons, Ltd. fromToddler Troubles by Jo Douglas. Copyright © 2002 by John Wiley & Sons,Ltd. This book is also available at Wiley Europe, or by calling 44-1243 779-777.