It may be women who have the edge on bonding with a new baby, but men don't need to feel left out. With a bit of imagination, a father can feel just as close to his new-born as a breast-feeding mum
- Talk to your baby before he's born
Studies have shown that babies learn to distinguish between their parents' and strangers' voices from 30 weeks in the womb. If dad speaks to baby before the birth, the baby will recognise his or her father's voice from day one. Charlie Case, mother to India, 16 weeks, says that, "Ted used to speak to my tummy every night towards the end of the pregnancy and I'm sure that is why India knows his voice". - Dads who deliver
Encourage your partner to be present when you have your baby. Nadine Lahana, mother to Luka, three, is expecting her second baby in September. She says, "Brendan felt he really bonded with Luka when he decided to take part in the delivery. He cut the umbilical cord and he also made sure he was the first to hold Luka in his arms and to make eye contact. Doing all that bonded him to Luka instantly". - Let your fingers do the talking
Ask your midwife to teach both you and your partner how to massage your baby. It's a wonderful way for father and child to spend time together. It will also allow you a proper rest, knowing that your baby is completely relaxed with his or her dad. Apart from the emotional benefits, studies have shown infant massage can ease digestion, relieve colic and help with breathing. Some women have even claimed massaging can spur growth.
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- Skin-on-Skin:
Encourage your partner to get into the bath with your baby. It allows the father to take over an important job, so it makes him feel more involved and it also gives mum a bit of a break. Bathing is a fantastic way for dad and baby to bond, especially as many babies may be startled at being put into a bath. "Quite often Brendan will jump into the bath with Luka and they will chat for ages. This is their time and I know Luka thrives on it," says Nadine. - Take a walk
Another good idea is for dad to strap baby to his chest and go about his day - it sounds obvious but this is a great way for the father to get on with whatever he needs to do and also for the baby to feel comforted and close to his father. - Jive bunny
Babies are often stimulated by music and most babies love being jiggled about. A fun activity is to put on a favourite song and for dad to have a bit of a boogie while holding his baby. As well as being an upbeat bonding experience, with a bit of luck it will eventually send the baby to sleep. - Understand what your baby needs
Make sure your partner reads all the baby books and magazines you've been hoarding. It's a myth that motherhood comes utterly naturally - most expectant mums start studying hard as soon as they fall pregnant. Many new mothers and fathers feel out of their depth with a new baby and the father can be equally as adept at learning what to do as the mother. The more both parents understand their child's needs and routines, the more relaxed and confident they will both feel. - Go for a run
- Put baby in bed with you
- Encourage dad to be silly
Making silly faces and noises with your child will probably be the only time such behaviour is acceptable in public, so encourage your man to make the most of it. Besides, your child will love it, and you will both love his or her reactions. Nadine says, "When Brendan comes home, instead of collapsing with a beer, he goes straight upstairs to Luka, takes him into the garden and plays with him for at least an hour. Dads keep it fun and exciting - I, and most other mothers I expect, would not be able to just sit on the floor and play ferocious dinosaurs or crash cars for hours."
If your partner likes to keep fit then there is no excuse for him not to strap your baby into his pushchair and go for a brisk walk or jog - this will put a niggly baby to sleep, help clear his head and the fresh air will be beneficial to them both.
There are differing views on having baby in bed with you and your partner, although this practice is becoming increasingly common with parents today. The Royal College of Pediatrics and Child Health advise against having your baby in bed with you if the child is younger than 18 months of age due to the risk of accidental smothering. The RCM (Royal College of Midwives), on the other hand, says that bed-sharing facilitates bonding and successful breastfeeding. It warns, however, that parents should be aware of certain instances when bed-sharing is not advised and these include: if either parent has epilepsy or diabetes with unstable blood sugars or an infection, if either parent smokes, has had alcohol or takes recreational drugs. They go on to say that as long as parents are aware of these issues and take care when bed-sharing, the RCM believes there is no reason why they should not do so. It advises parents to speak to their midwives/local maternity units for more information on bed-sharing.
Mick Bell, father to Jack, 8 months, says, "I think it is a really good idea to let the baby sleep with the parents sometimes. Jack gets into bed with us probably about three nights a week and has done so since birth. We love it and so does he. I'm not scared of rolling onto him during the night because although I am asleep, there is still part of me that is totally aware that he is beside me".