| The things kids say!
Kids are great at embarrassing us grown ups, aren't they? Check out these hilarious moments posted by members on The Things Kids Say message board.
Mum, where do babies come from?
A colleague of mine was teaching one of my students when he was in pre-school. My colleague was showing the children a picture of a cow, when my student raised his hand. Pointing to the cow's udder, he asked, 'What's that?' My colleague replied, 'That is the cow's udder.' 'Oh,' said my student, 'my dad has one of those...except he only has one, and it's bigger!'
My daughter had just learned to talk at age two, and learned the different names of different animals. One day her dad was about to have a wee and was stood by the loo. Before he undid his zip to pee, she started shouting 'NEEK NEEK'. We didn't have a clue what she was on about, so she took her dummy out and said 'SNAKE SNAKE' very innocently. Her dad has been proud of his snake ever since!
My son (age ten) said to me one day that he couldn't go to school. I asked him why, and he told me it was because he'd started his period! I found out that he'd heard some of the girls in his class talk about periods and he didn't know what they meant!
Wrong time, wrong place
My daughter-in-law was in B&Q a few weeks ago, when my little granddaughter piped up, 'Mummy, I want toilets.' Mum, busy pushing her younger daughter in a buggy, while keeping an eye on her elder son, says, 'Well, I asked you before we came out of the house if you wanted to go, sorry but you'll have to wait.' They amble along for several minutes, when suddenly mum realises she-who-wanted-toilets is missing. At that moment there is an announcement over the tannoy 'Will the mother of ... please come to the...' So my daughter-in-law hurries over to the bathroom displays where she is confronted by some pretty irate staff. DD (Dear Daughter) is standing there, in total utter blue-eyed innocence, after having found her way over to one of the immaculate posh toilets on display, struggled out of her trousers and nics, hoisted herself on it, grimaced and strained...and poohed.
My DH (Dear Husband) last night complimented me (I think it was a compliment anyway) on the weight I've managed to loose so far and how 'your a**e is the same width as your shoulders'. DS (Dear Son) this morning tells his teacher that mummy's bum is getting smaller because her shoulders are getting bigger! MEN! They're all the same, no matter what age!
My DS was two in September. At the end of September we went to a party and he was chatting to an old lady in a queue. I thought nothing of it until she went around the hall telling everyone there that this sweet little boy was chatting to her so nicely then promptly announced 'AND I HAVE BOGIES IN MY NOSE, YOU KNOW'. Ever felt like hiding under the table?
Rude words!
One year they were doing the nativity in which a five-year-old boy was the innkeeper. On being approached by Mary and Joseph he said very, very loudly (and innocently, too, I might add): 'There's no room at the inn...so p**s off...' My dad was in stitches for days every time he thought about. The boy in question will be about 19/20 now and he's probably still famous for that little outburst...!
My DD is six and in year-two at school. Recently, she has gone into that stage where they say swear words to test out your reactions! I know I really shouldn't laugh, but this morning she came out with a real corker on the subject of being a monitor at school. 'Mummy' she said, 'It's so great when you're a monitor at school, cos you get to tell all the little ones off, you can even say f**** and get off your fat a***, but only if they really are fat' I just about managed to explain that those are not good words to use before having to leave the room! The worse thing is that she came home tonight with the news that she starts as a monitor tomorrow.
I was picking up my seven-year-old son from school when he asked me, 'Mum, if girl dogs are called bitches, are boy dogs called gits?' I didn't know where to put my face...still haven't been able to answer him yet either!
Everyday when my five-year-old son gets up and I make sure he has clean clothes, but he always tries to hand back his undies. When I asked why he pulled his pants down, he checked them and said 'they are clean, look, no skiddies', we have now got over this and he now wears clean undies daily! Everyone say 'Ahhhhh'
My son asked me this morning why I was looking for a job (albeit part time) as 'I'm your job, mummy, you don't need to go to work'. Well, that certainly put things into perspective.
My daughter was doing her maths homework the other night. She was practising dividing and working out what the remainder was. She was given the number 38 and told that 10 children would fit on one bench, so how many benches would they need and what was the remainder...then her eyes filled with tears and overflowed! I asked her what was wrong and she was devastated that there were eight children left out! 'Couldn't a special bench be made for them?' she asked... Bless.
My goddaughter went to church for her first confession (Catholic). The family sat close enough to eavesdrop on the conversation and when the priest asked her to confess her sins, the answer was, 'You know father, I'm just stumped! I just can't think of anything I've done wrong.' Then he asked her about her good deeds to which she replied, 'Where do I start?'
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