How to meet the person of your dreams from the comfort of home. Putting online dating in perspective


Any activity that has, at least, 20 million participants must be a mainstream activity, if not a social movement, right? So although many people have tried online dating, not all are getting its full benefit.

1. Starting with a positive attitude
Although online dating may have started with computer nerds in chat rooms, those days are long gone. If you're still stuck with perceptions of those bygone days, snap out of it. The best way to meeting people is passing you by. Special note to those people who didn't grow up with a computer mouse in one hand and a baby rattle in the other: Be grateful that you're single in a time when online dating came of age.

2. Beginning slow and gaining momentum
Face it. You're probably a novice with online dating, just as much as you were with every other new experience. Give yourself time to figure it out. Specifically, if you fall in love in the first week or first month of online dating, you are either very lucky or deluding yourself.

3. Avoiding discussion of your previous relationship woes
When you talk about past troubles, you come across as a negative person. When you have the same discussion on email, rather than in person, you come across even more negative, and you don't have the eye contact to know when you've gone over the top. Save these discussions for a more advanced stage of your relationship.

4. Writing a profile that reflects you
Remember that you're trying to attract an appropriate match. If you write something that describes what you want to be rather than who you really are, you're sure to disappoint your prospective match, sooner or later. If you have someone help you write your profile, use him or her only to critique your work and encourage you. If someone else writes your profile, you may as well send him or her on your dates.

5. Remembering the number of psychos on the Internet reflects real life
The Internet is a microcosm of society, not a separate branch. Just as you may meet them at a bar, launderette, or supermarket, 'crazy' people lurk on the Internet, too. But, certainly, no more and no less so. Most of the horror stories about online dating are media hype looking for something titillating to fill the space between ads. The fact is that the power of anonymity unique to online dating gives you increased security over face-to-face dating, if you take care to guard that special power.

6. Not taking each Internet contact too seriously
You're going to get rejected from time to time, but remember what little emotional investment you have made while you're still in the e-mail exchange phase. On the other extreme, take care not to become too enamoured with a prospect's photo and initial email exchanges. Hold you emotional fire until you have some face time.

7. Resting from time to time
Even if you bought a six-month's subscription, don't plan to become a dating demon by being online without a break in the action. Having too many choices or too many unsuccessful contacts can make your brain glaze over, and you may lose your will to date. The reason you bought the six-month subscription is that the lower price allowed you to take several pauses over few weeks.

8. Reconsidering your non-negotiable criteria
Online dating is unique because it immediately allows you to select made-to-order prospects with the exact height, weight, and eye colour you desire. If you're finding that prospects with these perfect match physical standards are less than perfect personality matches, reconsider your must-have criteria.

9. Posting a photo immediately
Your profile is just a bunch of words without a photo, and most people only respond or search for those profiles with photos. So in the end, if you're serious about online dating, post a photo. Don't let opportunities (great prospects) pass you by. Post your photo as soon as you sign up to a dating service.

10. Knowing When to Hold @@'em and When to Fold @@'em
In the email exchange part of online dating, you may find yourself having superb banter, then suddenly you come across a roadblock, such as a discovery about your prospect that makes him/her an inappropriate match (like allergies to pets or small children). Trust your instincts; stop wasting time.

From Online Dating for Dummies (Wiley Publishing Inc., £9.99)

From Online Dating for Dummies® by Judith Silverstein, MD and Michael Lasky, MD Copyright © 2003 Wiley Publishing Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduced here by permission of the publisher. For Dummies is a registered trademark of Wiley Publishing Inc.

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