Dr Sarah Brewer joins the iVillage community to answer questions on what to do when you lose your sex drive
Where is my sex drive since having a baby?
How can we get rid of genital warts?
Why does he smell since his vasectomy?
Why does my strong sense of smell turns me off?
What can I do to make me feel aroused?
Does the menopause affect libido?
Can natural treatments boost your sex drive?
Why can't he get an erection?
Q: I have been going out with my boyfriend for just over a year, but we can't have sex. It's not that we don't want it, but it's just not working, as he can't keep it up. We thought it was just a phase, but the problem is getting worse. He's just getting frustrated about it. I really want to help, but don't know where to start.
ljhoney2004
A: This is a very common problem and nothing for him to be embarrassed about. He needs to see his GP for an assessment, as many medications are now available to help overcome physical problems. If it's psychological, then counselling may help. Do persuade him to seek help and contact the Sexual Dysfunction Association www.impotence.org.uk (formerly know as the Impotence Association) on 020 8767 7791.
Dr Sarah Brewer
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Where is my sex drive since having a baby?
Q: I have two children, a boy aged three and a girl aged 16 months. Since my last baby was born, I've lost all interest in sex. When my partner comes near me I try to laugh it off or avoid the situation. Also, the last couple of times we've had sex, it's been painful. My partner left me when the baby was four weeks old, then came back when she was about nine months. I'm not sure if it's down to that, but things just don't seem the same. I feel fed up, tearful and tired, and as terrible as this sounds, I can't be bothered with anyone or anything (including the children). I do everything for the children and would never neglect them, but everything feels like a chore and it's getting too much.
claire1471
A: It sounds as if there are lots of complex issues here. Contact Relate www.relate.org.uk on 0845 130 40 10 for individual advice. Check that your low sex drive isn't due to medication (for example, hormonal methods of contraception, drugs to treat high blood pressure or depression). It sounds as if you may be depressed which can in itself cause low libido - often as a first symptom. Do see your doctor for advice - and if he or she suggests anti-depressant medication, make sure you ask for one of the newer ones, which are less likely to further reduce your sex drive.
Dr Sarah Brewer
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Why is sex painful?
Q: When I started having sex, it was very painful and I often ended up in tears. My GP sent me to a psychiatrist who said I didn't find my partner attractive. Things got better, but it was exactly the same with my next partner. So I went to a psychosexual counsellor, who said I was fine.
Now I am married (to someone wonderful who understands), but I still have these issues. It's not that I don't want sex - sometimes I do - and I fantasise just like other people.
nixc
A: If all drug causes (for example, anti-depressants, blood pressure medication, hormonal methods of contraception) have been ruled out, have your prolactin hormone level measured. This hormone is nature's natural anti-sex hormone, designed to help prevent breast-feeding women from getting pregnant again. Persistent low sex drive can be due to raised prolactin levels in five per cent of cases. If diagnosed and investigated, it can be treated.
Dr Sarah Brewer
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How can we get rid of genital warts? Why does he smell since his vasectomy? Why does my strong sense of smell turns me off?
Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for eight months now, and almost straight away we both developed genital warts. We put this down to our past relationships, as we haven't cheated on each other. However we are still fighting the virus - one of us will get rid of it and the other gets it back again - so we've decided not to have sex until it has cleared up. Now, both our sex drives have vanished and we are getting stressed and arguing.
cardud
A: The wart virus can take two or three years to show itself after you have contracted it, so you're right that it was probably caused by a previous partner. Once you have the virus, it lies dormant in certain cells, usually damped down by your immune system. If you become stressed, your immunity is reduced and the virus can show up again, so you're in a bit of a vicious circle.
The worry about the warts coming back, and the stress this has caused your relationship has no doubt been the cause of both your low libidos. When you're in a long-term relationship and you both have warts you may need to accept that they might spring up from time to time. Treatment helps them disappear but they can come back again.
Dr Sarah Brewer
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Q: Since my partner had a vasectomy, we've had problems having sex. I find the smell of his sperm, and general sex smells, unbearable and it puts me off sex.
nisha30
A: Semen contains more prostate secretions after a vasectomy as these have not been diluted by secretions from the testicles. Prostate secretions do smell strongly as they contain a number of whiffy substances, including putrescene. All you can do is use condoms, smelly lubricants (strawberry, orange, blackcurrant, mint flavours are available), scent the air with aromatherapy candles or incense sticks, or wear nasal plugs. Dietary changes such as cutting out (or adding in) garlic may also help.
Dr Sarah Brewer
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Q: I'm breastfeeding my 15-month-old baby. Since his birth I've had an incredibly strong sense of smell. I can smell everything and it's not at all pleasant. It's really affecting my sex life. I can't kiss my husband because I find the smell so repulsive, however good his dental hygiene. Now he has to shower just before sex, but even then I find his smell difficult to bear when performing oral sex. I'm really desperate and so is my husband. Is this something to do with breastfeeding?
chynnablue2004
A: Women do have an increased sense of smell at ovulation, and are also highly attuned to the smell of their baby, but I've not personally seen or heard of women finding all smells repulsive. There is some interesting research that shows that taking the pill affects how pleasant or otherwise a woman finds her sexual partner - once she comes off the pill, she can find her partner smells unpleasant. Were you on the pill immediately before you became pregnant? If so, then going back onto it may help, although there is no hard evidence for this. Have you tried using nasal plugs to help block the smells, or to scenting the air with candles, aromatherapy or incense?
Dr Sarah Brewer
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