Absenteeism
Once, you couldn't get enough of each other. Now, somehow you never see each other. You might have made extra commitments at work, be socialising more with friends, or just concentrating on your hobbies. Perhaps you're too tired for romance.

Why? You feel stable in your relationship and have started to prioritise the rest of your life over each other. Not spending quality time together as a couple can lead to long-term problems. If you don't make the time for each other regularly, your intimacy will fade - you'll lose track of each other and, in time, your love will die.

How to fix it? Sit down and reprioritise your lives. Schedule each other in: spend half an hour each day catching up, make a weekly date to spend the evening together and plan one weekend a month for just the two of you.

Compulsive borrowing
One or both of you borrows the other's possessions without asking and often returns them in less-than-pristine condition.

Why? You've stopped seeing each other as separate individuals. Love has made you think of 'we' as a single entity - and of what you each own as belonging to both of you.

How's it a problem long-term? By helping yourself to each others' possessions without permission can lead to feelings of being disregarded and a lack of privacy.

How to fix it? Reclaim individuality. Agree what's acceptable behaviour and have separate storage spaces for your personal things. If you usually do everything together, make an effort to do some things separately.

Putting your feet up
Unequal amounts of energy are being put into the domestic work. One person is carrying all the responsibility for making the joint home-life work.

Why? One partner may simply underestimate the amount of work it takes to keep the family home running. They may not have had good role models or 'helpful partners' when they were growing up.

How's it a problem long-term? One person's consistent failure to help out with the housework can lead to resentment. This situation can quickly become toxic!

How to fix it? Make a list of all the jobs that need doing around the house each week - then divide them more or less equally. But remember, don't undermine the system by criticising a partner for the way he (or she) chooses to do his (or her) tasks.

Flirting
Put one of you alone in a room with someone of the opposite sex and they turn into a super-flirt.

Why? Flirting often stems from feelings of insecurity. A flirt doesn't feel they are attractive and needs constant feedback from others to boost their self-esteem.

How's it a problem long-term? Unless you've agreed as a couple that flirting with other people is harmless and just a bit of fun, it can cause jealousy, insecurity and arguments.

Fix it by deciding together what behaviour is acceptable and what crosses the line. If the problem is low self-esteem, the flirt needs find other ways to feel good about themselves so there is no need for flirting.

Using sex as a bargaining tool
You adore making love but sometimes use sex as a way to persuade, cajole or placate your partner into doing what you want.

Why? Using sex to influence behaviour probably means that you feel your needs aren't being met any other way. Co-operation between you and your partner has broken down.

How's it a problem long-term? If you carry on using sex as a bribe, in time desire will fade because it's not based on mutual pleasure.

How to fix it? If you need something, ask instead of using sex as a bargaining tool. If you sense your partner is using sex to persuade you to do something, challenge him and don't give in to it.

Overspending
You know you need to cut back on the outgoings, but then one or both of you splashes out - plunging your finances into crisis again.

Why? Overspending usually stems from feelings of worthlessness. Overspenders compensate for their feelings of low self-worth by spending on themselves. Consistent overspending can also be a sign of irresponsibility.

How's it a problem long-term? Money is important and the habit of overspending can leave you both feeling out of control.

How to fix it? Don't tackle this by firmer budgeting - the spender will only rebel again. Instead, get to the root of the problem and look at why the overspending is happening. Read Stop Fighting About Money by Corinne Sweet, priced £6.99 from Hodder & Stoughton.

Being a slob
Your partner has a personal hygiene problem. Showers have become optional, tooth-brushing gets left until the morning and pants outlast their smell-by date.

Why? This is usually because the slob doesn't realise that personal hygiene is important. It can also signify that your partner is so angry that he actively wants to drive you away.

How's it a problem long-term? Lack of personal hygiene can seriously damage your sex life!

How to fix it? Simple and unthreatening hints work best: 'I'd feel much more aroused if you'd clean your teeth...' If that doesn't work, try to discover the cause of his anger.

Public put-downs
You may be all sweetness and light in private - but put you in front of friends and the knives come out.

Why? If there's a lot of unspoken anger between you, you may not risk having a row in private in case you lose control. Doing it in public puts a brake on things.

How's it a problem long-term? Public put-downs don't just humiliate you in front of your friends. They may stop you resolving the issues, because what needs to be said doesn't get said.

How to fix it? Have a serious 'where are we at' conversation to find out what's really going on.

As with any of the problems mentioned here, if you feel that the issues are too huge to discuss together, see a counsellor. Counselling can create a level playing field for you and your partner - and provide a referee! Log on to Relate

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