1. Exes are never 'The One'
How can they be? No, really, it's not technically possible, there are just too many of them. 'The One' is still to come...

2. Revenge is a dish best served cold
Avoid hot-headed schemes, however hot your head. I know of one woman who, when dumped, immediately rented the flat next door to her ex and set about monitoring his comings and goings. If she suspected he was out with someone else, she'd wait up all night for him, then hang out the window and shout 'Here comes the c***!' as he walked up the path. The result: he moved out, she was stuck with a rental she didn't want and neighbours who thought she was a nutter.

3. Let your friends keep you real
Another true story: a friend of mine was so distressed by her break-up she spent days putting together a flyer detailing her version of events. 'Women of Henley, Beware!' it read, before going on to dissect the poor man's business failings and sexual idiosyncrasies. We talked her out of actually posting the thing. When it comes to exes, listen to your friends. As a general rule of thumb, what works for Samantha in Sex and the City does not do so well in the sleepy English towns and villages...

4. SF-ex really can work
If you can't get your ex out of your head, try these visualisation techniques: picture him as a cartoon character, in black and white, speaking in whispers or a high-pitched helium whine. Believe it or not, these mental special effects will help create the psychological distance you need.

5. Exes are not new best friends
It may seem like a good idea when you're looking for any last crumb he'll offer, or indeed if you're the one trying to soften the blow, but you can never be best friends with an ex. At best there'll be some awkward introductions when you do meet someone new, at worst, you'll get stuck in a rut of comparison shopping and never move on. Unless you share children, stick to Christmas cards.

6. Exes reunited...
We've all heard the Friends' Reunited stories: we're a nation obsessed with our exes, even from years, decades, ago. By all means exchange news - how gratifying it is to learn that while you've been moving and shaking in the Big Smoke with the best hair cut money can buy, he's been stuck in a cubicle in a call centre with no hair left at all. Just don't expect to rekindle that heat you once felt over a pint of cider between A-level English and Geography. It won't happen, not for long, at any rate.

7. There's a fine line...
...between setting the record straight and actual harassment. Do send an outpouring of the heart in letter form, even seal it with a kiss if you must. That's just closure. Don't leave wreaths on his car windscreen and boiled bunnies in his pots - that's a matter for the police.

8. Everybody hurts
It's not just the dumped who've got their hearts in their boots, dumpers feel bad too. So don't believe that as you slowly atrophy on the sofa, watching a series of Friends a day, he's back out there, happy as Larry, looking for love. He's not. And if he is, then thank God he's out of your life in the first place.