Thirty per cent of domestic violence starts when a woman is pregnant. This is Mel Rawdings' story. She suffered at the hands of a violent husband for five years

Mel and Ronnie had been dating for five months when they married in November 1997.

He worked as a gunner in the Navy and Mel was three-and-a-half months pregnant with their first child when they married.

Before the wedding Ronnie was charming and there were no signs of his violent nature, but as soon as they were married, he became moody and started to ignore Mel.

'His behaviour became increasingly threatening,' recalls Mel. 'He would constantly abuse me emotionally and mentally - telling me I was no good, that no-one liked me. He slammed doors, smashed windows and threw dishes.

'I got used to dead legs and bruised arms, the jealousy and possessiveness - they became a part of everyday life. At the time I didn't realise how lonely and isolated I was.'

Ronnie constantly threatened to leave Mel. This was part of the psychological control he asserted over her - the more he told her he was leaving the more she depended on him.

Mel lived for those peaceful, safe times when Ronnie was posted at sea. But, even then, life still wasn't easy. She was left paying off his debts and on one occasion had to hide from the bailiffs when they knocked on the door. 'When I phoned Ronnie on the ship to ask him for money, he refused and told me to eat beans on toast,' she says.

Mel dreaded Ronnie coming home for the birth of their son and her fears were justified. Despite being eight months pregnant, he pinned her against a wall and violently attacked her.

When TJ was born, Ronnie was a doting dad, showing off his son to all his friends. But the novelty soon wore off and he would go mad whenever TJ cried. Mel knew she had to keep the baby quiet so would stay up all night. TJ quickly learned not to cry.

Soon after TJ was born, Mel fell pregnant again, this time with a daughter, Courtney. During the pregnancy Mel fell ill and needed a blood transfusion. Even then Ronnie wouldn't leave her alone. During the procedure he marched in and told her to 'get off her arse' and look after the children.

Sadly, Mel thought that marriage meant taking the rough with the smooth. Even though she was regularly verbally and physically abused she didn't think of herself as a victim of domestic violence. She always thought she was to blame for the unhappy and violent marriage.

Mel put up with five years of abuse until the marriage came to its frightening conclusion. In one final attack Ronnie threatened to kill her 'so there would be nothing left to find,' and knocked Mel unconscious. When she came round, she discovered Ronnie had called the police claiming she'd attacked him.

Thankfully the truth came out and Ronnie was arrested. Mel and the children were able to stay in the family home.

Two years on Mel, 34, is in a happy, loving relationship with engineer Andy. She says: 'No woman or child should live their life in daily fear and terror - walking on egg shells, not knowing what will happen next, when the next insult will be, where the next punch will land.

'It took me a long time to realise that the abuse was not my fault, that I had the right to live a life free from violence, that there was help out there and that I wasn't alone.

'By chance, soon after the arrest, I saw a Refuge poster and called the national helpline. That was my first step to understanding that the abuse was not my fault.

'Even though I was at home at the time, and not at a refuge, I received support from the Refuge outreach team and I attended weekly support groups for three months.

'The team taught me that I was not responsible for Ronnie's behaviour - only he was. They helped me regain my self-esteem and helped me start to rebuild my life. Looking back my marriage seems like a bad dream. I know how lucky I am, and how lucky I am not to have been one of the two women who are killed every week in England and Wales.

'I hope that my story will give other women the strength to seek help and support and find out their options - it might just save their lives too.'

Every woman and child has the right to live a life free from violence. Help and support is available. In an emergency call 999 or call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline on 0808 2000 247 or visit www.refuge.org.uk to find out more.

Domestic violence is a crime. It must not be ignored.

* Copyright: www.refuge.org.uk

To donate visit www.refuge.org.uk

Further reading: Power and Control: Why charming men can make dangerous lovers, by Sandra Horley Refuge Chief Executive.