Dr Pam Spurr gives advice on how to foster and encourage your teen's interests, academic work and future aspirations

During the teenage years your child may become blinkered in their outlook to life. This is the age when young people often give up interests, hobbies and sports that they participated in from a young age. The pull to 'do things' with their friends to the exclusion of all else can become very strong. For many teens this is a temporary phase, but it does potentially have negative consequences for their present and future well-being.

It's important to recognise that teenagers have a great need to feel part of their immediate peer group. They have a constant desire to be up on everything that's going on. This can be very frustrating to parents as they watch their once all tap-dancing, tennis-playing, and drama-clubbing child disappear. Only to be replaced by a grunting adolescent who appears to have no interests other than what their friends are doing.

Research demonstrates this strong need to be part of a cohesive peer group is found in the vast majority of teenagers. However it also shows that those with the most general confidence, and measured encouragement, are also the ones who can find balance: continuing with outside interests and academic work, and continuing to have aspirations. You can help to encourage this balance.

Research also shows that schoolwork can suffer from the many distractions that friends and socialising offer if there's no structure at home to encourage a happy medium. If they become disheartened with their schoolwork it may decline, leading to a self-fulfilling cycle where they've less interest in their future and have fewer aspirations. Then they're even less likely to participate in outside interests when the opportunity arises. Never think you can't make a difference, though.

A few general tips to prevent this potentially downward spiral include:

• Encourage any talents or skills you notice in your teen. It may be completely unrelated to their earlier childhood interests but that's a positive. They may feel happier developing a completely new talent or skill than continuing with one they had as a youngster, that they now perceive as childish
• When encouraging such talents or skills, casually throw into conversations about these where they might fit into a future career. For example, your child might show some artistic skills, which leads you to comment on how such skills may come in useful as a web designer
• Sometimes your teen won't realise they have a particular talent or they'll feel too insecure/embarrassed to blow their own horn. Ensure you blow it for them when in private. Teens hate having attention drawn to their 'talents' when friends/relations are around
• Enjoy the positive times when they're getting on with schoolwork or a hobby! Many parents ignore good behaviour or attempts at something new and only pay attention to the negative things their teens do. Make a fuss over them (in private) when they've committed to a project, shown interest in something or are just being positive about life
• Remember that what you may not see as an interesting hobby for them to take up, may be something to do with their future career.

Education and schoolwork Believe it or not your adolescent will benefit from a structure to completing their schoolwork, just as a younger child does. Talk through some ground rules with them.

• Perhaps strike a balance where they do their harder subject before they go out to see friends or relax in front of the TV. If they find a subject particularly easy, that's the one you allow them to do later in the evening.
• Encourage them to do some sort of sporting activity to burn off any stress from school. Going for a swim a few times a week, taking a dance class, or even kicking a ball around is better than nothing. Many teenagers have a fitness problem that tends to run down their energy.
• Liaise with your children's teachers. This will help you know what's going on with them at school. Take every opportunity to go to parents' evenings, etc. Get involved as a parent volunteer - extra hands are always needed and you'll get a real feel for the atmosphere at the school.
• Encourage your teen to have a good relationship with their favourite teacher. In casual and regular conversations explore with them what they think about their various teachers. You'll quickly work out their favourites. Suggest they chat with them individually from time to time to strengthen that bond.
• Research shows a chaotic home life is distracting to children, who are thenless likely to do their schoolwork. Try to organise your home generally so it's not chaotic and there's a reasonable schedule that is followed.
• Your teen will find their schoolwork easier to complete if they've been eating healthy food rather than junk-food and are getting enough sleep.
• You are a role model when it comes to a general education. If you never pick up a book, show interest in a news topic, or take up a hobby, you are showing your teen that being interested in the world is not important.

Truancy
Government figures just released show truancy is on the increase despite millions of pounds having been spent trying to stop it. The most common reasons for truancy include: children coming from homes where the parents lack parenting skills or have mental health and other difficult issues; children becoming involved in drink and drugs; children having unidentified educational difficulties; and children being bullied.

It's imperative you take any notice from the school about your child truanting seriously. Teens who truant regularly have been shown to have a much higher chance of being unemployed in the future and having problems with drink and drugs.

Future aspirations
Most schools have some sort of career counsellors or careers days available to the older teens. Make sure that your teen takes advantage of these opportunities. If your teen's school doesn't offer such opportunities, get in touch with the head and ask why not.

Many employers/institutions offer career days for youngsters to visit. Your local fire station, newspaper, or hospital are good candidates. Talk to your teen about what they might be interested in and then together explore what local opportunities there are. Wherever they can they should try and get a day's voluntary work experience.

Help your teen to draft a great curriculum vitae (CV). This should not only include their exam grades from school and personal strengths, but every odd job they've done (for example, babysitting) and any activity they've tried.

Unfortunately our youth are growing up in a society that emphasises such occupations like acting and television presenting. Try to keep their feet on the ground by encouraging them to get some real skills. There's nothing wrong with them pursuing their dreams but they should have a second string to their bow.

Sports, creativity and hobbies
As mentioned, during adolescence children often give up activities thinking they're silly or childish. It's important that you encourage any activity, as research shows that teens involved in interests and hobbies are less likely to have under-age sex or misuse drugs and alcohol. And in terms of their general well-being and future, continuing with an activity outside school will benefit them in many ways.

If your teen is sensitive to peer pressure they may agree to get involved in an activity but won't want their friends to know. It's important you respect and accept such feelings.

Getting involved in sports, hobbies or creative activities outside the home teaches your teen self-reliance and resilience as well as giving enjoyment. However if as a starting point your child agrees to do some activity at home, then this is important to encourage too.

Accept they may start an activity and then want to give it up. If gentle encouragement doesn't change their mind it's absolutely fine to suggest they try something else.

Some useful contacts
After School Activities and Groups - www.local.co.uk and search 'After School'
Theatre Arts - for up to and including 16 year olds - www.stagecoach.co.uk
The Duke of Edinburgh Awards Scheme - www.theaward.org
For general advice - www.parentlineplus.co.uk

Dr Pam Spurr is the Saturday evening presenter on LBC 97.3 - ring her on 0870-90-90-973 7-10 pm. She's the author of SEX, GUYS & CHOCOLATE - Your Essential Guide to Lust, Love and Life (Robson £7.99). A life coaching guide for all women 16-56.

More from Dr Pam Spurr:
Teens in the home
What are your teens getting up to?