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By AskMen.com
Ever wonder what blokes talk about when we're not around? Here's our chance to find out. iVillage and AskMen.com have joined forces to reveal what's really on men's minds
The first year of a romantic relationship carries a lot of power. By the end of that year, the tenor of the relationship is established, as is his quality as a partner. She'll pretty much know if he's lazy, a pushover or uncaring in the long run. That's why in the first year, it's important for him to watch his behaviour around her. He shouldn't set her expectations too high, and he shouldn't try to fit her mould of the perfect boyfriend. This applies to the entire year, be it in the first, third or tenth month. Here are the ten biggest mistakes men make in that most critical year.
1. He tells her he loves her too soon and too often
These three little words demand a prodigious amount of frugality, lest they become meaningless. Yes, women long to hear it all the time, but its overuse will jade even the most demanding of romantics. He should save it for very rare occasions; make her beg for them. And only say them when he really, really means it.
2. He forgives all her mistakes too easily
She should be on her best behaviour during their first year together, so he shouldn't let her annoying habits slide. She will get used to them, or worse yet, make them even more grating. If not shaving her legs irks him, he should let her know. He should never tolerate annoying behaviour, such as screaming at him or making fun of him in public. If he sweeps it all under the carpet, it will blow up eventually.
3. He always initiates sex
A man should show initiative chiefly outside the bedroom. When it comes to sex, it should be an equal game. He shouldn't let the burden of starting sex fall entirely on him. He should instead coax her into bringing out her inner beast once in a while. She may even discover a roaring sensuality she never knew she had, and enrich their sex lives that much more.
4. He takes her for granted
In order to keep the glow of a relationship alive, seduction needs to be a lifelong effort. One of the biggest traps men fall into is getting too comfortable with a woman. He stops taking her out on dates. He no longer cares about their appearance. He stops being attentive, ignoring details about her and missing important things she may say in passing. If his woman is special to him, he should show it and always treat her like it's their first month together.
5. He avoids confrontation
Communication is often the key to solving problems, so if he avoids talking about them, they'll only get bigger. A small argument now is much better than a painful fight later. Avoiding confrontation also means agreeing with her dismissively but not sticking to his word. For instance, if she says, 'Don't fart around me,' and he says, 'Okay,' he has to mean it.
6. He doesn't come clean about his past
Whatever skeletons he's hiding, they'll come out sooner or later. He should tell her of any addictions he has had or still has, if he's been married, if he has an STD and so forth. Granted, this doesn't all need to be revealed at once.
7. He met friends and family early on
It's unavoidable: whenever he meets her friends or family, his every breath, move and word will be under close scrutiny. It's a mistake to get to know those close to her before he knows her well enough. He should establish a comfortable rapport with her first, and he'll be more at ease when he meets them. Just as important, he shouldn't let the friends and family influence his relationship. He should let them learn to like him in time.
8. He lets her make all the plans
Not only do women dislike men who can't take initiative, they actually hate taking it themselves. Shirking all the decisions does not emit respect or an easy-going attitude. It shows lack of backbone. The man should go ahead and choose what to eat, where he goes and what he wears. There's a fine line between compromise and indecisiveness.
He must learn to say 'no' sometimes. Maybe he wants to spare her feelings; maybe he wants to avoid her wrath; but both are poor excuses to become a pushover. If he disagrees with something, he has to tell her. If he doesn't like something, it's not right for him to 'take it.' Before he knows it, he'll be her lapdog and her personal chauffeur. And all he'll earn is derision, not respect.
9. He spends all his free time with her
There are two major dangers with this one. First, he forgoes his social life, which he needs to maintain for his own well-being. If he doesn't see his mates any more, he should be worried as they may not stick around forever. Second, he smothers her own personal time, which she also values. This formula will quickly make them sick of each other.
10. He showers her with gifts
Many men equate spending money on a woman with making her like him more. Buying her many, often expensive, presents or getting her something for every occasion, no matter how trivial, is a deadly mistake. It suggests a man has little to offer other than what's in his current account. Worse still, the woman may begin to expect gifts from him all the time. He needs to close his wallet and give her something priceless: himself. Furthermore, he shouldn't always pay on dates. It's the age of equality. If women expect to be paid the same as men, they should expect to pull their own weight as well. Being a gentleman is fine, but he shouldn't spoil her by footing every bill.
A yearlong effort
Maintaining a good relationship demands work and attention, and for him that means attending to himself as well. Making the mistakes outlined here can set a precedent in his relationship and potentially jeopardise its success in the future. So he needs to be alert and start off on the right foot.
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