There are many issues that affect the happiness or unhappiness, and the harmony or disharmony that couples experience. One of the biggest culprits is finding a good work-love-life balance.
In fact one major piece of relationship research found that in the under-thirties balancing work and life enjoyment, financial concerns, and sexual relations were the three main reasons why relationships break down. In the over-thirties work-life balance, sexual concerns and bickering over household jobs were the three most common reasons for relationship unhappiness and break down.
You might find yourself disagreeing on subjects ranging from how to discipline your children, to which parents deserve the next visit from your both, but maintaining your work-love life balance is even more important to the health of your relationship.
Achieving work-life balance
As with all things in relationships prevention is better than cure. If you haven't already discussed your work-life balance it's time to do so. If you're already having difficulties in this area you can change that and work things out.
1. Discuss your feelings towards quality time. You may have wildly different attitudes with one of you being happy with one evening a week together and the other feeling you should spend most of your waking hours together. If this is the case you'll need to work out a direct compromise.
For example, you meet roughly halfway. Or you alternate weeks where one week you spend less time and the next week you spend a lot of time together.
2. One of the most "fun" ways of maintaining a good work-life balance is to ensure that you keep your sex life in sparkling form. That doesn't mean you have to be at it like rabbits - as you were during the initial "honeymoon phase" of your relationship. However it does mean that you schedule in regular dates for sex. Forward plan in both your diaries some Saturday afternoons, Sunday evenings, even a whole weekend from time to time where you devote the entire time allocated to indulging each other.
If you've worked particularly hard just before one of these special rendezvous-dates you can both agree that this time doesn't necessarily have to be about full sex but simply enjoying time where you ban talk about any problems and spend time laughing and relaxing with each other.
3. Look for common ground in your interests. When couples have some common ground, and both enjoy something together, they're more likely to ensure they have that leisure time together and not let work over run their schedules.
Some of the happiest couples I know have very different interests and hobbies however they usually connect over one of them.
If you don't share an interest our hobby than ensure you share as much chill-out time as possible.
4. Successful couples understand that the ebb and flow of work demands. No one should always have work dominate their evenings and weekends. However in most careers there are busier and less busy times. Ensure during the busy times that you give each other love and understanding. You're more likely to get back to a good work-life balance when you keep clear communication going during a busy time rather than simply take your partner for granted.
5. Compromise on both of your careers! Unless you're one of those rare couples where one person really wants to stay home and the other person wants to work, you'll both need to discuss honestly your career aspirations and how you can mutually achieve those goals as far as possible.
It may be the case that you never really discussed the fact that one of your careers might take-off, etc. But if you find yourself in the midst of one of these situations find the time to sit down and look at the following - what both of your expectations are in terms of time together, how you can meet both your expectations or compromise to meet them, how long this period of the excessive work may last, and what are the positive outcomes from this (e.g. will the person get a promotion that leads to greater job satisfaction or financial gain).
Next you can draw up a schedule in your diaries about what you may expect to happen in the coming months.
Ultimately both people can't have hugely demanding careers, with very little time off, and expect to have lots of leisure time together. Rationally this simply isn't possible. However most people let their expectations get in the way of rational thought.
6. Treat time together like its sacred - because it is! Nothing's more soul-destroying than, e.g., planning a romantic evening together only to have one of you cancel at the last minute because a work issue comes up. Schedule your time together as if it's as important as meetings because quite frankly it's more important!
7. Understand where over-achievement issues and workaholism comes from! People throw themselves into excessive work for various reasons. If one of you starts to do this, you two must address the underlying emotional reasons. These can range from, e.g., trying to avoid an issue at home to fear of financial failure.
Work-life balance has the potential to break a couple up. If at the end of the day your partner isn't important enough to spend quality time with, and find balance with, you have to question the basis of your relationship.
Using tips, tricks and techniques like these mean you both end up winners in your relationship. It's far more important for both of you to feel valued and listened to. That you both outwardly demonstrate you plan to make time to care for and listen to the other.
Ultimately relationships are balancing acts that tip slightly in one direction or another. But preventing things from going too far one way or another can strengthen yours.
Dr Pam Spurr is author of 'SEX, GUYS & CHOCOLATE - Your Essential Guide to Lust, Love and Life' (Anova Books). Buy it here