Dr Pam Spurr explains how being kind and compassionate can help you recharge and find real enjoyment in life

It's easy to feel that life has lost its meaning both spiritually and emotionally because of the frenetic pace we rush through it nowadays. Many women describe an emptiness, sense of isolation, and sometimes loneliness about their life. It's often hard for them to put their finger on why they have these feelings, and where they come from, because they do have loved ones yet they still feel disconnected.

Many of these feelings are to do with simply not making time for the small pleasures of life and to give simple 'kindnesses'. We don't enjoy enough quiet moments either to recharge ourselves or to enjoy our loved ones' company.

But there are many other things besides a lack of time that compound these feelings that the world's a harsh place, with little compassion and few friendly faces. Noticing others giving off a negative vibe - from bullying in the office to rudeness in a shop and all points inbetween - means that many kind and compassionate people 'close down' from the world. But by closing down from others, we all lose out.

Instead, we need to find compassion - that distinctly human quality that guides us in looking for the best in others, finding the best in ourselves, and giving something positive and good without expecting some sort of 'return'.

Ten routes to kindness and compassion
Open your heart: Don't judge a book by its cover - this classic saying is so very true. We close our hearts to so many people because they don't 'look' like they'd fit in with our group at work or crowd of friends at home. You miss out on many opportunities for new friendships by judging people too quickly on first appearances.

Be the first: When someone new arrives at your place of work or joins your mother-toddler group, be the first person to go over with a warm smile and a simple hello. We fear making this initial contact for reasons that are in actual fact meaningless, for example that we won't make scintillating conversation or impress this new person. Those things don't matter to the new compassionate you.

Don't take it personally: When someone you encounter doesn't seem particularly friendly or kind, or they seem rushed or don't answer an email immediately, then don't automatically assume they don't 'like you' or have little regard for you. You can't know what's just happened in their life. For example, they may've just had a bad experience themselves. Give them the benefit of the doubt. This is particularly true when you come across what you perceive as arrogance. Shy and/or inhibited people with low self-confidence often appear arrogant.

Embrace apologising: One of the hardest things to do is to admit you've done something wrong and apologise to another person. Firstly, no-one likes to be in the wrong. Secondly, most people don't want to think they've upset someone or hurt them. Combine this with our natural reticence to bring up sensitive conversations and very often we miss the chance to show real compassion with our apology. In this light be ready, willing and able to say sorry.

Small gestures can change things: We often hesitate about making a small gesture of kindness because we don't think it'll make a difference. We forgo the little things like giving up a seat for someone a bit older or letting a car cut in. It often crosses a person's mind to do such small gestures but then they hurry on with their day and think it won't matter. When you think it, do it - your small gesture can put a smile on someone's face.

Random acts of kindness: A random act of kindness takes small gestures a bit further. Examples include chatting to that elderly lady in the bank queue, asking a harassed shopkeeper how their day's going, offering to pay someone's bus fare who's struggling to get their wallet out of their pocket. Anything that seems kind and random - just go for it!

Don't be judge and jury: It's so easy to catch yourself in the midst of negativity judging others around you. For example, criticising a neighbour's parenting skills who seems to have an unruly child, having a go at a colleague who always seems disorganised, and so on. Why do we do it? Because we forget that we've had moments like that! We forget that our children aren't perfect or that we're not always together. So rather than be judgmental, find a little compassion and think to yourself, 'there but for the grace, go I?'

Charity begins at home: Another old saying that resonates with the way we treat others. The love, understanding and compassion we generate in our own home can protect our families from the negativity of the outside world. Obviously children need boundaries and to be respectful, as do partners and other family members. However, find the compassion in your heart when your partner's had a bad day and you feel a bit hard done by yourself. Give them a hug and say something loving. Allow your children a second chance to show they can behave better when they've overstepped the mark.

Give your precious time: That said, it's important to reach out to those more in need than you and give your time to a charitable organisation or project. Even if once a month you can give some time to a local organisation, or help raise money for a national charity, not only do they benefit, but you benefit by learning about other's needs.

Find your haven: Listen to your heart and understand your own needs. When you need a little time just to relax or escape, find the place that's your very own haven from the world.