Our instincts urge us to respond rapidly to our baby's cries; to pick them up, use comforting words, offer food, fresh nappies and funny faces, but do we do listen to them?

Society bombards us with messages that tell us not to trust ourselves, not to listen to our babies and our instincts. We're warned that giving in to our baby's demands for attention spells certain disaster. We're advised to get the baby off to the right start by letting them know who's boss from the beginning. But when those negative messages become louder than our baby's cries, we all lose.

Fears versus Intuition

There's a widely accepted myth that even very young babies are out to manipulate their parents. Their cues for attention are interpreted by some as deliberate attempts to control us. The image of insolent, ungrateful schoolchildren yelling insults and orders at parents is enough to scare any mum or dad into prompt action.

These fears and the way messages are given can cause insecurity in a new parent. Do any of these messages sound familiar?

• 'Show the baby who's boss.'
• 'You need to put that baby on a schedule.'
• 'If you let that baby sleep in your bed, you'll never get her out.'
• 'Don't pick that baby up. Babies need to cry.'
• 'Put that baby down. You'll spoil her.'
• 'That's not what the experts say.'

Here's the truth about each one of those statements:

'Show the baby who's boss.'
We're sometimes told that when the baby cries or is fussy, we should demonstrate who's boss by nipping any 'selfish' or 'indulgent' behaviour in the bud. But it's better that we show the child who the adult is. An adult can make sacrifices for the sake of others.

New babies, like a new business, require an enormous amount of time. Those who own their own business can attest to the all-consuming hours involved in the early months or years of development. Entrepreneurs don't say, 'I put in my eight hours. That's it for today.' They give whatever it takes to nurture their enterprise. Those are sacrifices an owner makes willingly to ensure the future success of the business.

The same is true for new parents who trust themselves. They make initial sacrifices in their own sleep and activities to ensure their infant's optimal growth and development.

'You need to put that baby on a schedule.'
What a tempting idea! If we could schedule the baby's eating, sleeping and playing periods, then we would be in control again. No more pyjamas at 4pm, no more cold dinners at 9pm, no more rude awakenings at 2am. We could regain a sense of order in our lives. Our needs would be met.

But what about our baby's needs? The growth of an infant in the first year is staggering. Can you imagine doubling your weight or growing four inches in eight weeks? How about learning to move from one place to another on your own? What about having sharp, bony things poke painfully through your gums one after another? Everything in our babies' lives is new. Their physical, cognitive and social development comes in sporadic bursts. Just when they've mastered a new skill, had a growth spurt or learned a new game, a whole new challenge develops.

So cut your baby some slack. Maybe she needs a few days of cuddling to make up for a rough week. Maybe yesterday she was starving, but today she just wants to snack. Trust your baby when he indicates that he's lonely, tired, hungry or eager to play. Trusting him teaches him to trust himself.

'If you let that baby sleep in your bed, you'll never get her out.'
Perhaps the greatest block to trusting your instincts is the fear that whatever you do now, you're doomed to do forever. This fear implies that you're incapable of change and that a precedent set can never be broken.

Human beings are nothing if not adaptable. You're a creative, intelligent adult. Find what works for you and your baby now and do it. When you come to a point when that behaviour isn't working anymore, trust yourself to come up with something new to replace it.

'Don't pick that baby up. Babies need to cry.'
Babies do need to cry but we need to respond. Their crying is to get our attention, our help. It's their desperation signal that something's wrong, that they need us. Are they hungry, tired, bored, lonely, over-stimulated, scared? We watch their cues and take our best guess, and often we get it right. Even when we miss it, the baby gives us credit for trying and learns that we can be trusted to make the effort.

'Put that baby down. You'll spoil her.'
No, you won't. Infants thrive on human touch. They need it to survive. Babies are social creatures who love to be held. Carrying them around also gives them rich learning opportunities as they see new things and hear our description of what's going on around them. In fact, it's impossible to spoil a baby under the age of 12 months. Responding to your baby will create a more, not less, independent child.

'That's not what the experts say.'
In our desire to be good parents, we often buy books to tell us what to do. Yet no one has the secret formula for parenting. Raising a child is an art, not a science. During your research, you'll find some ideas that sound good and some that don't. Trust your instinct to tell you which is right for your family.

In our desire to be good parents, we seek healthcare advice. Being a family physician, pediatrician or pediatric nurse practitioner implies a basic knowledge of babies as a group, but each baby is unlike any other, and you are the expert on your baby. Trust yourself. If you're not comfortable with the advice you're hearing, it's time to seek another opinion.

Believing in Yourself

It isn't always easy to tune out the messages we hear, and some of them will undoubtedly provide good advice. But remember that you alone can make the decisions that are best for your family and your instincts will guide you along the way.

Here are three more reasons to believe in yourself as a parent:

To build your baby's sense of self
A new baby needs to know that the world is a safe place. He learns this when you watch his cues and respond consistently and with love. When you comfort your crying son, you're showing respect for his feelings. Your sensitive care builds his confidence in you and in himself. The level of security formed during the first year is at our core throughout our lives.

To make it easy on yourself
Simplify your life right now. Going with your gut reduces internal conflict and relieves stress. Maybe that means bringing your baby to bed so you can get more sleep. Maybe it's wearing her in a carrier so she can be held while you shop. Maybe it's cutting back on expenses so you can take a longer break from your job. It's giving yourself permission to do what's right for you and your baby.

Make your life easier next year, too. Babies whose needs are met promptly in the first year learn that you can be trusted. That means that next year when you call out 'mummy will be there in a minute', your baby will play with his toes while you finish what you're doing. Those early weeks of sleep deprivation seem unending, but keep them in perspective. This is a short-term investment with a long-term pay-off.

To enjoy the perks
Early parenting is hard work. There's no pay cheque, no benefit plan, there isn't even a weekend. But there are priceless perks: falling asleep with the baby on your chest, gazing at her face while you nurse her and rock her to sleep, catching a middle-of-the-night smile. These rewards are a limited-time offer. Indulge yourself.

Enjoy your baby.