You've had advice all through the pregnancy and the birth, but nobody has told you about what happens when you come to take your baby home. Rachel Waddilove, maternity nurse to Gwyneth Paltrow and author of The Baby Book, reveals some home truths

Over the years, many parents have told me that they were well prepared for pregnancy and birth, but not for how they would actually feel once they got home. Often, professionals assume that parents will find it difficult to take in lots of information about coping with life after the birth. However, in my experience parents wish they had been better informed and had time to prepare for the emotional ups and downs of life with a new baby.

Registering the birth

There are lots of things to think about after having your baby, and it is very easy to forget the paperwork. You will need to register your baby's birth within six weeks, either at the hospital or your local register office. The registrar will help you to fill in the necessary forms and you will receive a copy of your baby's birth certificate.

Either parent can register the birth, and you do not need to take your baby with you. Once you have your baby's birth certificate, UK residents are entitled to child benefit, and may also be eligible for child tax credits. You can find out about claiming these benefits from your local social security centre or Citizens Advice Bureau.

Your feelings

There is no place quite like home, and you and your partner will probably feel quite euphoric about bringing your newborn home for the first time. However, the reality of coming home can be very different from your expectations. You may feel wonderful as you gaze at your newborn in your own home, but at other times you may feel completely overwhelmed, especially if you are very tired and your baby suddenly seems to be airing her lungs more than she did in hospital.

Worries about being a parent

'My biggest fear with number one baby was failure. Most of us are used to being in control and have a secret longing to carry that control through to motherhood. It's a shock.' Mother of four, Vicky Halsey.

We don't have the luxury of a practice run at parenting, and both you and your partner may worry that you are not going to be good at it. It is important to try to feel happy with yourself, as there really is no such thing as the perfect parent.

When you come home, it can be very frightening to have sole responsibility for looking after your precious newborn for the first time. You may feel inadequate and have a fear of not being able to cope, particularly when your partner goes back to work. Try to be as relaxed with your baby as possible, giving him lots of cuddles and unconditional love. Remember too, that it will take time to get to know him, and by the time he is six weeks old you will be much more confident than him.

You may find you are given conflicting advice about how to care for your baby. It's a good idea to decide what your own approach will be, and give yourself permission to stick with it. Try not to compare your parenting with your friends, as you know your baby best and your instincts and common sense are the best guide to what she needs.

Mood swings

You may find one day you feel ecstatic about everything and yet the next day you are miserable. These mood swings are quite normal, especially if you are breastfeeding. Some women are very weepy when their milk comes in three to four days after the birth, whereas others feel weepy later on. I remember when our first baby was six weeks old, I cried and cried. My poor husband didn't know what to do with me, he had no idea why I was crying.

If you do find that you have mood swings, try not to worry and don't put yourself under pressure to put on a 'brave face'. It's often best to have a really good cry and talk about your feelings with your partner or a close friend. As much as you can, try to accept that mood swings and tears are a normal part of life as you adjust to the tiredness and hormonal changes after birth. Even if your friends with babies appear to be coping amazingly well, the reality is that they will probably have had lots of ups and downs too.

Coping with postnatal depression

Many mothers I have worked with are worried about having postnatal depression, particularly if they experience mood swings and 'baby blues' in the first few weeks. The majority of women recover quickly from baby blues, but if you feel miserable and low for a longer period, you may need to talk this through with your health visitor or GP.

Some of the signs of postnatal depression are being unable to cope, and a sense of everything seeming very bleak and hopeless. You many also feel very anxious and tense or be unusually irritable. Physically, you may want to sleep during the day and yet be unable to sleep at night and you may lose your appetite.

If you do suffer from postnatal depression, remember that you're not alone and it's not your fault. Most importantly, don't feel guilty! The best thing you can do for you and your baby is to seek help.

Memory loss

You may find that you're very forgetful in the first few weeks when you bring your baby home. For example, forgetting when you last fed your baby or losing the end of sentences. Memory loss is often due to hormonal changes in your body and sleep deprivation. Your memory will come back, but give yourself a bit of time, as your body has been going through huge changes over the last nine months.

If you are struggling with forgetfulness, have a notebook or diary to hand and use it to jot down feed times and other things that you need to remember.

Tiredness

There will be days when you feel really exhausted, especially as you will be having broken nights. When you are very tired, you will probably find that you are more weepy and may feel that you are not coping with life in general. It can be difficult to make decisions and carry out day-to-day chores around the house. At this stage, the best thing you can do for yourself and the baby is to rest whenever you have the opportunity.

Don't worry if you need to go back to bed during the day or sleep when your baby is sleeping. If you can, hang on to the fact that the extreme tiredness will pass as your baby gets bigger and sleeps for longer at night.

Your relationship with your partner

The birth of your baby is a deeply emotional experience that you will share as parents for the rest of your lives. Most couples find that bringing a new baby home is a time of great upheaval and adjustment, as two become three. However, your relationship as a couple is still very important. Communication and time for each other will help you both as you adjust to your new roles as parents.

Many women struggle with dividing attention between their partner and their baby, particularly in the early weeks. You may feel that it takes all your time to look after your baby and yourself, and you don't have any time or energy to give to your partner.

You may find that at times you don't want your partner near you at all, as the baby is the focus of all your love and affection. If you feel like this, it is really important to be able to talk it through together.

Dads can often feel pushed out, particularly if there are lots of women around when you first come home from hospital. During the day you may have grandmothers, midwives or health visitors in and out of your house; one dad commented to me that it sometimes felt like a Mothers' Union meeting! Again, it's important to make time to listen to your partner about how he is feeling and how he would like to be included.

The Baby Book by Rachel Waddilove, published by Lion, is available from amazon.co.uk