It turns out that the life of a glossy magazine editor isn't all devilish Prada and bossing interns around, it' about smiling, connecting and working very, very hard. And remembering to phone your mum!

Sarah Ivens, Editor of US OK! magazine, has hob-nobbed with Hollywood stars and brilliant business brains. She's written The Modern Girl's Guide To Networking and recently stopped by the iVillage Life In The Workplace board to share the secrets of success.

'I work as a sub-editor on a local newspaper. I was just wondering what path you took to being the editor of a glossy magazine. Were you a writer first? What kind of publications did you work on before OK!? It is my ambition to be an editor one day. Do you have any helpful advice?'

Sarah Ivens: I started off doing work experience on my local and college newspapers before getting a graduate placement aged 21 at Tatler magazine. I've worked my way up over the last ten years to being an editor in America. My advice really is to know that so many people want this job - it really is very competitive - that you have to be the best, work hard, never say no, don't moan, offer to help others and to really love what you do.

If you really want to succeed, you will. I believe you make your own luck!

'I'm always aware of the personal space issue, whether someone's a bit too close for comfort or so far away that they seem stand-offish, and it makes me wonder how I come across to others. Is there a rule of thumb for this kind of thing in a professional setting?'

Sarah Ivens: Yes there is! Never stand closer than ten inches to someone (unless it can't be helped in a crowd situation). No one wants to feel like someone's breathing all over them! But likewise, don't be over-cautious and stand too far away, people will think you don't like them...or that they smell!

A good rule is when out at an event and you want to keep the correct distance, to hold a glass of something in front of you. This is an automatic barrier, without being obvious!

'How should you deal with stroppy emails? How do you know if it really is stroppy, or if it just comes across that way? And what is the best way to reply, without sounding stroppy back?'

Sarah Ivens: The first thing to do is take a deep breath. Don't just read an email once, assume the sender's meaning, and send off a stroppy reply straight back. Read it once, then go back ten minutes later, and be honest, are you reading something into it that simply isn't there?

Get a colleague or friend to give their opinion if it's still bothering you. Write a reply, save as a draft for a few minutes, then send once you've calmed down. And sometimes, it's best just to pick up the phone. A charming, non-confrontational phone manner can't come across badly!

'When I first start a new job I get complete 'phone fear', especially in an open office. I feel really self-conscious about using the phone in front of people. I thought I was the only one, but I was talking to some friends the other day, and they agreed that this was one of the worst things about starting a new job. Most of them work in media where using the phone to make contacts, interview people and so forth is really important. Do you have any tips?'

Sarah Ivens: I've felt like this at certain points in my career! I understand. If you can get through as many things as you can using email, or by talking face to face, do that.

When you have to use the phone, remember these tips:

• Standing up while dialling will give you confidence and make you feel more authoritative.
• Smiling while dialling will make your voice change and you'll actually sound calmer and happier when you speak.
• Also, keep in mind that, even if you are blushing or shaking a bit (if it's an important, nerve-wracking call), the great thing is the person on the other end of the line doesn't know that.
• Prepare yourself with a glass of water, easy to read reminder notes about the conversation you need to have, and a bit of gumption! Just do it!

'I can see the point in networking. Keeping in touch with people can mean you make new friends and who knows when you're going to need a skill that the person next to you at dinner was discussing at length. But frankly, who has the time?

'I work full-time, have a two-hour commute and then have to get home, cook a meal, run a house, call elderly parents, friends if I can snatch ten minutes, do laundry etc. Weekends are spent catching up on chores and visiting mates if we're all around at the same time.

'How do you make the time to foster new network relationships, when I don't even have enough time for the friends I already have? Please don't tell me to get up any earlier, I already get up at 5.30 to get to work on time!

Sarah Ivens: I would never tell you to get up any earlier. I'm not a morning person so I don't believe in getting to the gym at 4am like some of my American colleagues.

One thing I've found really useful is using my commute time wisely. Spend the two hours you're travelling to and from work calling your elderly parents, writing to-do lists for the next day, ordering things for the house.

Make sure you see your friends by leaving the office once a week for a girlie lunch. Yes, it's easier to be chained to your desk and your boss prefers it, but make the effort and it will make you perform better in the afternoon.

Alternatively, join a yoga class together at the weekend so you can have fun with your friends and get fit. And remember, my style of networking isn't about chasing people around a golf course or schmoozing in a bar until 4am. It's about talking to people on your commute, in different departments at work, actually asking your mates' husbands what they do for a living, and joining websites you can sneak onto at work to chat to like-minded, helpful people.

'I currently work part-time (three days a week) because I have two small children, and want to spend some time with them, but cannot bear not working at all. I want to be taken as seriously as someone who works full-time, as when I am in the office I give everything to the job. Any tips on making sure I am seen as a useful team member?'

Sarah Ivens: Dress smart so your boss knows that when you're in the office, you mean business. Be punctual. Problems do occur, but make a real effort to be on time and to not make excuses. Don't get sucked into office politics or gossip and make it clear you're there to do work.

Offer to help others, prove you're a team member and you are in it for the long-term. And finally, remember, you are probably as valuable in your three days than others doing a full week because you care so much! Don't underestimate yourself!

'I'd like to know if there is a right and a wrong way to ask for a pay rise. I NEED one!'

Sarah Ivens: The best thing to do is think about why you deserve one. List all the things you have achieved since your last pay rise, remember all the wins and merits you've got, and think about all the things you are delivering above and beyond your current job description.

With a clear list in mind, go in and see your boss. Take notes with you. It will help when you get nervous (you will, we all do!). Never go in and start moaning, or being aggressive! And don't say, 'I've spent too much on my credit card, I need a rise'. It all needs to be about why YOU deserve it, not because you're skint or the girl next to you earns more!

'I know I'm probably not the only one but I HATE making small talk. When I was younger I was fine but as I've got older (I'm 37 now) I just look at a room full of people (even if it's people I know) and think 'Urgh, I just can't be bothered.' How can I get over this? Am I just destined to be a boring old fart?'

Sarah Ivens: No, of course you're not destined to be boring! Just make sure you make small talk on subjects that you find interesting. It's just about making the effort. If you're politely rambling on about Eastenders, so be it. I'm sure the person is just grateful you're making the effort.

Try and read the newspaper every day. I find little snippets gathered from the paper will help you with small talk, and should help get a reaction back so you're not doing all the work!

'What is an acceptable time between meeting someone and calling them up? I feel it's quite cheeky to ring someone just because you had a good chat at a party and wonder if it's more of an American than British thing to do. Won't people just think I'm pushy or dismiss me as a crank caller?'

Sarah Ivens: I've lived in America for over two years now, and Americans are generally more pushy at networking. But it can be a good thing.

A nice thing to do, that happens more Stateside than at home, is after a good meeting I often get a lovely card through the post saying thanks for lunch or 'good to meet you'. This is a great touch, not intrusive, and shows real effort. And we don't get much post these days that aren't bills so it's fun to get!

Calling someone straightaway does seem a bit keen, unless they said 'call me tomorrow', in which case it's rude not to, so a follow-up posted letter, or email, is better.

'What is the best way to make friends and influence people? I'm just trying to think of some quick wins as I've got a busy lifestyle. I'm currently working as a project manager and in my personal life, I am doing a bit of 'friend-shifting' and trying to meet more new people.'

Sarah Ivens: The old rules are the best when making new friends.

• Treat others how you would like to be treated.
• Remember, a smile costs nothing.
• Be interesting...and interested. It's not all about you, and what you can get out of a relationship.
• Escape your usual routine to meet new people. Join work clubs, take up a hobby or go on holiday.

A Modern Girl's Guide To Networking by Sarah Ivens is out now.