Few couples feel that they've reached the perfect moment to have a child, so how do you know when is the best time to have a family, asks Dr Miriam Stoppard
Extract taken from My Pregnancy Planner (Dorling Kindersley)
How do I decide?
The right time for you depends on what's important in your life and what's happening to you. If you and your partner feel that the best time to have a family is when you are young and energetic, then you'll want to start as soon as you can.
But if you've worries about money or housing you may prefer to wait a while until your circumstances improve. You don't have to have lots of money to start a family - your baby's not going to complain if you don't have all the latest equipment - but it does make sense to think carefully about your situation.
You'll need to consider your career, too, and try to time your pregnancy for when you can take a break without damaging your prospects, especially if you want to have some time at home with your new baby. This is one of the reasons why so many women are delaying starting a family until their thirties, when they feel they're able to stand back from work for a while.
Does my age matter?
Many couples in their 20s just don't feel emotionally ready to settle down to parenthood. A more mature couple are more likely to have planned their baby, be in a stable relationship and financially secure. Being pregnant in your '30s or '40s shouldn't be any more difficult than in your '20s. What's more important is good health - your own and your partner's. That's why it's a good idea to plan ahead for your family if at all possible.
Are there risks for older mums and dads?
Having a baby in your '30s or even '40s is perfectly normal these days. But I must mention a couple of things to bear in mind.
The risk of having a Down's syndrome baby does increase with the mother's age and so does the chance of having maternal diabetes and placental problems. But thes risks are small and you'll be offered screening tests. Also, there is a higher risk of having an autistic child if the father is older.
Leaving trying for a baby until later may mean you have to wait longer to conceive. It can take an average of six months when you're 35, but only four months when you're 25.
I think...he thinks
You're having a baby together - but how do you both feel about becoming parents? If neither of you has had much to do with babies up to now you might be surprised by some of your partner's attitudes. Here are a few questions you can ask yourselves about pregnancy and babies:
- Has pregnancy changed our relationship?
- What'll be the best thing about having a baby?
- Does one of us want a baby more than the other one does?
- Boy or girl - what do we think?
- What will we miss about being just a couple?
- What's our biggest worry?
- What do we feel about hospital/home birth?
- What do we feel about pain relief during the birth of our baby?
- When we imagine life with our baby, does it include dirty nappies and sleepless nights?
- What will happen once our baby is born? Will we want childcare or will one of us stay at home with our baby?
- Do we share the household chores equally now? And what about after the birth?
- If a test showed that something was wrong with our baby what would we do?
- Would we like to know the sex of our baby when we have a scan?
- Should babies always be picked up and cuddled when they cry?
- Breastfeeding - how do we feel about it?
- Do we believe that it's just as important for dad to spend time with the baby as mum?
- What do we think about sharing night duties such as nappy changing?