Whether it's singing loudly in public, doing the birdy song at a wedding, telling embarrassing stories about your childhood or calling you 'Poopy' in front of your friends, we've all got horror stories about how our parents used to show us up

We thought this was a rite of passage for every child, but according to a new survey, only a third of teenagers polled described their parents as embarrassing. We got together a celebrity panel, a teenager and a 'normal' mother to discuss the findings and to get their tips on how to embarrass teens, being a cool parent and how to get through the teenage years.

Comedian and actress Arabella Weir has two children and she knows exactly how to embarrass them. 'I went through a phase of not wearing knickers and my daughter would say "mum please tell me you're wearing pants today?" She thought the whole world was somehow going to know that I wasn't wearing pants. So now if I'm trying to wind her up I just tell her I'm not wearing any pants.'

This is quite a novel idea, but you don't have to go to such extremes to get your kids red faced. Fifteen-year-old Alex Bello says that parents trying to talk teen slang in front of their kids and their mates is pretty embarrassing, as well as blasting really naff music from the car when you're picking up or droping off your kids – hip-hop, classical, techno and metal are a no-no and head banging is definitely not cool.

But, he says, the worst offender is when your mum gives you a spit wash, i.e. licking her thumb and wiping dirt off your face. We can see his point.

Celebrity chef Phil Vickery has to drop his kids off round the corner from their school in order not to embarrass them and he definitely can't shout anything out the window when he drives past them.

However, Arabella suggests shouting out of the window really loudly as you drive past: 'Don't forget to wipe properly, those stains will never come off, wipe front to back.' Eleven per cent of the teenagers polled in the survey agreed that this type behaviour was embarrassing.

Our 'normal' mum Lynn Llewellyn-Jones, who has two teenage children, thinks there's nothing worse than a parent trying to ingratiate themselves with their children's friends. 'It's just cringe-worthy,' she says.

Whether you try to embarrass your kids on purpose or genuinely don't realise you're doing it, it often doesn't take much and, says Arabella, a new thing can embarrass them every day.

'I've always kissed my boy when he's waiting in line to go into school and two days ago he said: 'Don't ever do that again'. It's a fresh thing every day, you're being you and then suddenly you've done the most embarrassing thing.'

Teenagers' top most embarrassing parent behaviour:

• Shouting or telling them off in public
• Treating them like a child
• Trying too hard to be cool in front of them and their friends
• Wearing embarrassing/uncool clothing
• Telling bad jokes in public
• Shopping at uncool shops
• Calling them by their nickname in public
• Singing in public
• Talking to their friends
• Acting like a teenager in public
• Kissing them in public
• Dropping them off or picking them up from outside school
• Getting out the photos of them when they were a child
• Dancing in public
• Telling stories about when they were a child
• Hugging them in public
• Talking to them in public

How to be a cool parent

When it comes to being a 'cool' parent out of the teenagers surveyed only one in ten chose the word 'cool' when asked to pick five words to best describe their parents. The top five coolest things their parents could or have done are:

• Treat you like young adults
• Give you space/not fuss when you have friends over
• Let your friends hang out at your house
• Treat you to nice things, e.g. clothes, holidays, meals out, etc
• Offer lifts to you and your friends

But a word of warning from our teenager, Alex, who says: 'Be cool, but not too cool. Don't be cooler than your kids.'

As difficult as the teenage years can be for both teenagers and their parents, they will come out of it the other side as young adults and our panel have given us their top tips for helping teenagers and their parents get through the teenage years as smoothly as possible:

Phil Vickery: 'Have a dialogue with your kids. Don't talk down to them.'

Arabella Weir: 'Don't forget what it was like for you when you were a teenager. It was just the same for you and it doesn't need to be as stressful as people make it. And remember that you don't have to win every battle.'

Lynn Llewellyn-Jones: 'Listen to them, let them talk to you and when they're proposing something don't say 'no' automatically, give yourself some time to think about it.

Alex Bello: 'Reward them! Trust them. For example, if my friends have done something wrong and my mum finds out, don't assume that I've done it as well.'

Judi James, a leading TV expert in body language, relationships and social behaviour, agrees with Alex.

She says: 'Don't make assumptions about your teen. There's often an assumption that things are prompted by all the worst reasons when in actual fact sometimes they're not. Behaviour doesn't define a personality, so if somebody does something that's not pleasant for one moment, it doesn't necessarily mean they're a bad person.

I think teenagers go through a whole range of feelings and emotions in one day that for most adults would probably happen in the space of ten years, but it shouldn't define them and create one huge dark mark against them.'

She adds: 'It's a healthy thing for society that each generation will question the previous generation's values.'

'Parents aren't always right. Can you imagine if you all did exactly what you were told and didn't question things? You might question things and then find that you agree with it, but this is natural.'