'I love you.' They may look little, but they're the three biggest words in the English language. Say them at the right time, and it's bliss, but blurt them out too soon, and it may kill a fledgling relationship

Their absence can weigh heavy, too. If you're in a relationship that seems happy, secure, exciting and serious (or getting that way), but your man can't or won't say 'I love you,' it's frustrating. It can also make you feel very insecure.

If it's any consolation, every newly-coupled man and woman is scared of the L word. Read on to find out why, and what to do about it.

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1. Don't jump too soon

When you get together with a man, those first few weeks are an ecstatic whirlwind of lust and goo-goo-eyes. You're high as a kite. He is perfect. You're bursting to say 'I love you'.

Take a tip: shut up. Here's why:

Oh, the shame...
If you've ever said it to someone who didn't feel the same way, you'll curl up in shame at the memory. You said: 'I love you,' and your new boyfriend said: 'What? Oh...'. He knew that it was too soon; and suddenly you did, too.

Point of no return
This awful moment is all the worse for being a point of no return. You sound desperate and rob yourself of dignity. It's a serious passion-killer, and kills the momentum between you. In other words, you've strangled your relationship at birth.

Rose-tinted specs
If you think he's perfect, you know it's too soon to say you're in love. You're infatuated with him, so you can't see his faults. Only when you know and accept his faults can you be sure that you love him.

Embrace your lust
In the early weeks of a relationship, you want to spend 24 hours a day having sex and/or gazing into his eyes and/or nuzzling his armpit. You're in giddy, besotted lust - and lucky you! Embrace it, because it doesn't last long. Don't spoil it by blurting out 'love'.

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2. How to time it right

Count to three
Leave it until you've been dating for at least three months. By this time, the druggy high is wearing off and you know that it's not just a fling. You also know each other better, which means that you're idealising each other a little less.

Five is the magic number
Waiting five or even six months to say 'I love you' may seem like a stretch, but it shows that you really mean it. Your man will know you've really given it thought. You know him very well now, so saying 'I love you' for the first time is a huge compliment.

Give things a boost
Leaving it this long also helps your relationship move on. By the six-month stage, you may start to mourn the loss of that early pie-eyed magic. Hearing 'I love you' for the first time takes your relationship to a new stage in a way that it could never do on date number three.

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3. How (not) to say it

Business time
Don't say 'I love you' for the first time just after sex or, needless to say, while you're midway through the deed. You're giddy and sexed-up and not exactly clear in the head. When a man says 'I love you' during sex, he generally means: 'Oooh I love that...'

Boozy blurting
Don't blurt it out when you're drunk, at least not the first time. Drunken declarations of love are best left to beer-swilling mates who've got lager dribbling down their T-shirts.

Up close and personal
Say it in person. Your first 'I love you' is a big moment and should be accompanied by at least some chance of eye contact and canoodling. After that, it's fine to utter the L word by phone, text or whatever.

Do you...?
Don't ask if they love you back. 'I love you...do you love me too?' makes you sound insecure, and is bound to lead to an awkward moment. Let him say it if he wants to.

When he won't say it
He may be terrified of making a fool of himself. If you've been together a while, don't be scared to say it first. But if he never says it at all (the 'I shouldn't have to say it, you should know' brigade), he may not be emotionally literate enough for you. Who needs a dinosaur who can't express his feelings?

The coward's option
If you're itching to say it and you think the time is right, but you're not sure that it's reciprocated, say: 'I think I may be falling for you.' If he gets an 'eek' look in his eyes, cut your losses. Say '...but you know, I'm just not sure what I want.' And run for your life.