Soup up your sex life and revamp your romance, whether you're single or attached

1. Ditch the deadwood

There's no time like now for clearing out your emotional clutter. Move on if you're in an unhappy relationship. Life is too short to stay in a relationship that no longer makes you feel good about yourself.

If you're single, stop spending time with friends who you don't have much in common with. If they're all coupled-up and pregnant, broaden your social circle to include happy single women.

2. Speak up

Confrontation is scary. But if you want to find or keep a healthy relationship, you have to stand up for yourself, and that includes arguing.

Every happy couple argues sometimes. Couples who never argue end up splitting, because there's only so long you can pretend to agree with another person before you explode.

Standing up for yourself doesn't mean being aggressive or talking over him. Be honest but tactful, and don't be sarcastic or whingey.

Speaking up shows that you're secure enough to question what your man says or does. If your new assertiveness causes him to blow up in a rage, get rid of him!

It's also vital that you say what you want in bed. If you want better sex, or more of it, or different, say so. Your bloke isn't telepathic. Tell him what you like, how often, where and why. Which brings us to...

3. Be more adventurous in bed

Haul yourself out of that sex rut. No matter how long you've been with the same man, there's always room for trying something new.

The more sex you have, the more you want it. Don't do it in the same way at the same time every week. If you wake up feeling frisky, go for it. At first he may be shocked, but spontaneity will do wonders for your sex drive.

If you're shy, ask yourself why. Sex is ridiculous. Genitals are silly-looking (especially his). Accept the inherent silliness of sex, and have fun with it.

4. Let go of your exes

So you're still mates with that ex-boyfriend who you dream of winning back one day? Drop him now.

Listen, it's not going to happen. Your relationship went belly-up for a reason. If he dumped you and he hasn't asked for a reconciliation, being his friend is not going to change his mind. You're just a hanger-on.

Okay, so it is possible to be platonic friends with an ex. But the circumstances have to be right. Lots of time needs to have passed since you broke up - ideally years - and there must be no romantic feelings left on either side.

5. Chuck out your souvenirs

Still keeping that ticket stub from the time that gorgeous bloke took you to see that crap metal band? Got a drawer full of rubbish computer games that your ex didn't want anymore? Get rid of them, right now.

You might get a buzz of nostalgia when you come across these things, but that's a pathetic reason for keeping them. That man-clutter is taking up valuable space in your head and home.

6. Be more choosy

Insecure women say 'yes' to any offer of a date. They stay in relationships with rubbish freeloaders, because they think they can't do any better and because they lack the self-respect to admit that they're happier single.

Stop it! If someone asks you out and your instinct screams 'no', listen to it. Don't say yes out of pity, or because it's a Friday and you'd feel like a loser if you didn't have a date. Exercise your right to dump a man or turn him down if he doesn't turn you on.

7. Break your man-choice habits

Dating the same type of bloke over and over - and breaking up with the same type of bloke over and over - is a destructive pattern that needs a serious detox.

For example, maybe you only fancy men who play hard to get, or you're always falling for work colleagues, or you're irresistibly drawn to needy weedy types or married men. Recognise yourself? Break the pattern and make better choices.

8. Don't be a workaholic

Nobody dies wishing that they'd spent more time in the office. If you're wondering where yet another year went, you probably spent too much of it doing unpaid overtime.

Your happiness will benefit if you stop being a martyr to your boss. Again, it's about self-respect. Don't feel that you must prove your worth by working like a slave and being too tired for sex or conversation when you get home.

9. Be as vain as you like

Vanity may be one of the seven deadly sins, but it doesn't half boost your self-esteem.

Don't overdo it by getting up at 6am to slap on foundation before he sees you, but make an effort to look fanciable. It tells your man and other people that you value yourself and that you care about what they think of you.

10. Flirt with everyone

Children are natural flirts, forever seeking attention and chatting to anyone who'll listen. But that knack fades as we grow into self-conscious women.

Girls should be seen and heard, so reclaim your inner flirt. Flirt everywhere you go. It's not about being lecherous or sexual, it's about chatting to people in a way that makes you both feel good.

Even if you're attached, flirt with your bloke. Show through your words, eye contact and body language that you still find him fascinating and sexy.

In turn, he'll make more of an effort to treat you like a queen, not least because he knows that you could easily be snapped up by someone else.