The Male Nanny

The Male Nanny works for a wealthy London family and spends much of his time dealing with an inquisitive and often obnoxious five-year-old. His wry and discerning first-hand accounts offer a unique insight into the private lives of London's elites - from family holidays to family therapy - and every lie in between. To keep up with The Male Nanny follow him on Twitter @themalenanny

Puzzle

By The male nanny on 09 Dec 2011 No comments

The parents return home at midnight. The mother heads straight upstairs. The dad addresses me:

'Before you go, could you help me with something?'

'Sure.'

I follow him down to the bowels of the building. He is unsteady on his feet and his eyes are bloodshot.

We arrive in the play room, where a massive TV is waiting to be unboxed and mounted.

'How’s life?' he asks, as we lift the TV from its box.

'Good, thanks. How are you doing?'

'Fine. How’s it going with that girlfriend of yours?'

'We broke up.'

We plonk the TV on the table.

'Why?' He asks

'I think she got bored. Everything eventually bores us, doesn’t it?'

'Not everything, some things last. But people, people, will always end up boring us.'

The TV comes with a stand attached, that needs to be removed. We assess it, looking for where it might be unscrewed. There appear to be no screws.

'One sec,' says the dad.

He returns, sweating, with two hammers. 'Let’s just bash it off.'

We begin bashing.

'As I was saying before,' continues the dad, as we dismantle the stand, 'It’s easy to get bored of somebody. We become boring when we reveal ourselves, when we remove our mystery. Never do it. That’s my advice to you. Always keep something locked away, off-bounds, and be vague about it. No-one ever loves anyone in their entirety, they like bits of them, so they can construct their own puzzle.'

'Okay,' I nod.

Having removed the stand, we must now mount it to the wall. It takes a few attempts, and some huffing and puffing, but we succeed. It is slightly wonky.

'Good job,' he says, and fumbles for his wallet. He attempts to give me a £50 note.

'No, don’t be silly. See you tomorrow.'

'Very well, goodnight.'

The Male Nanny.