Quality time with your teen

What's the real value of spending time with our teenagers and is there a winning formula for doing it well?

A 2008 survey* revealed that eight out of 10 parents believe in the importance of spending quality time with their teenagers. Even so, only a quarter of teens said that their parents actually make time to spend with them, with many stating that parents are often too busy with work.

Why is it important to spend quality time with our teens?

For a start, the meaning of 'quality time' is entirely subjective and depends on what both you and your teen enjoy doing. This means that the initial discussion of what you'd like to do together on a day out is as valuable as what you do on the day itself, because it's an opportunity to get talking and find out more about what makes each other tick.

The value of the time you actually spend together lies in effective communication. If you don't develop an understanding of each other's personalities and interests, or are unable to compromise on doing something that you'll both enjoy, then one or both of you lose out. Get this right, however, and you'll begin to see each other in a different light, away from the grind of day-to-day life. You'll share new and unique experiences, enhance feelings of mutual trust and respect, and of course let off steam together. Also, bear in mind that learning to engage in decision-making processes and enjoy free time with family can be extremely beneficial in maturing a teen's own social and relationship skills.

When can I spend quality time with my teen?

Firstly, think about what prevents you from enjoying free time together. This might include the time your teen spends with computer games, the internet, their friends or their studies. Meanwhile, you might often find yourself torn away by work commitments or household duties. The solution is to figure out when you can both reasonably make time for each other. The most obvious times are likely to be evenings, weekends and school holidays, but don't forget to make the most of special occasions such as Christmas and birthdays too. A good tip is not to moan at your teen about the little amount of time you spend together or try to get them to do something they think sounds boring. Otherwise, they'll start to think that making time for you is a chore.

How can we spend our quality time?

The survey revealed that the top choice for both parents and teens was to go out for a family meal. This is ideal for those who don't have much time to spare since not only is a restaurant outing an instant crowd-pleaser, but the occasion can be made to feel special while being done in a couple of hours or less. Be diplomatic by making sure that everyone has a say in where they'd like to eat, and if you don't go to one person's suggested restaurant this time then avoid disputes by suggesting you go there another day.

The second favourite choice for spending quality time was to go on a family holiday. This can be one of the most effective ways to engage with your teen in a fun and relaxing setting away from the distractions of normal daily life. What's more, you'll return home with shared memories to cherish (hopefully) forever.

If you're looking for something slightly less expensive and time-consuming than a holiday, plan a day trip instead. Day trips were cited by more teenagers than parents in the survey as a good way to spend quality time. Unsurprisingly, more teens than parents also said that they'd like to go to a theme park. But if the thought of rollercoasters and long queues leave you feeling queasy, perhaps consider a day out to another town or city, going shopping or catching a movie at the cinema instead.

If you've got a sporty teen, try taking part in physical activity with them. Whatever it takes to get your blood pumping and having fun will be well worth it, although if you're rather athletically-challenged try something a bit more sedate, like bowling. Also, energetic and inquisitive teens often enjoy outdoor activities, such as camping, so why not put yourself to the challenge and see where the spirit of adventure takes you both?

But don't worry if the thought of such exertion makes either of you break out in a cold sweat; time spent one-on-one at home just enjoying each other's company can be equally — if not more — valuable as any other.

How to make quality time count

Here are five top tips for spending quality time with your teen: Discuss your ideas and remain open to your teen's suggestions Be as flexible as possible with the time you have available Don't nag while spending quality time together Be a bit adventurous Have fun!

*The 'Fanta' Guide to Teenagers – Surviving the Teenage Years, Topline Report – April 2008